The pie chart shows average monthly student expenditure in the UK in 2016. The bar chart shows sources of student income in the same year.

The pie chart illustrates how much money students spent on different purposes every month,while the bar graph depicts the ways that UK ‘s students earned money in 2016.

Overall, the majority of income was expended on monthly renting . In addition, most of the student 's finances came from student loan,family and part-time job.
The money invested in accommodation was 385 pounds per month, higher than that in food and other purposes, at 124 pounds and 91 pounds respectively. Meanwhile, 69 and 64 pounds were the amount of income students spent on bills and socializing. Traveling just accounted for the smallest number, at exactly 52 pounds.
According to the bar graph,the figure for student loan was highest,approximately 80%, followed by 70% of both family and part-time job. The remaining sources were the same at 40%, which came from savings, bank overdraft and grants and funding.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"spent on different purposes" -> "allocated to various purposes"
Explanation: "Allocated to various purposes" is more precise and formal, better fitting the context of financial management and budgeting.
"UK’s students" -> "UK students"
Explanation: The possessive form "UK’s" is incorrect in this context. "UK students" is the correct form, indicating that the data refers to students in the United Kingdom.
"earned money" -> "generated income"
Explanation: "Generated income" is a more formal and precise term than "earned money," which is somewhat informal and vague in an academic context.
"expended on" -> "spent on"
Explanation: While "expended" is not incorrect, "spent" is more commonly used in this context and is understood more clearly by a general audience.
"student ‘ finances" -> "students’ finances"
Explanation: The possessive form "student ‘" is grammatically incorrect. "Students’ finances" correctly indicates that the finances belong to multiple students.
"money invested in accommodation" -> "expenditure on accommodation"
Explanation: "Expenditure on accommodation" is a more formal and precise term, suitable for an academic discussion about financial data.
"higher than that in food and other purposes" -> "greater than that for food and other expenses"
Explanation: "Greater than that for food and other expenses" is more specific and formal, improving clarity and precision.
"spent on bills and socializing" -> "allocated to bills and social activities"
Explanation: "Allocated to" is more formal than "spent on," and "social activities" is a more precise term than "socializing," which can be too informal for academic writing.
"Traveling just accounted for the smallest number" -> "Travel accounted for the smallest proportion"
Explanation: "Accounted for the smallest proportion" is more formal and precise, aligning better with academic language.
"the figure for student loan" -> "the proportion of student loan"
Explanation: "The proportion of student loan" is more specific and formal, fitting the context of financial data analysis.
"the remaining sources were the same at 40%" -> "the remaining sources were equally distributed at 40%"
Explanation: "Equally distributed at 40%" clarifies that the percentages are evenly divided among the remaining sources, enhancing the precision and formality of the statement.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main features of the data, but it does not fully extend the information. For example, the essay states that "most of the student’s finances came from student loan, family and part-time job" but does not provide any specific figures to support this claim. The essay also presents some inaccurate information, such as stating that the remaining sources of income were the same at 40%.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more specific details about the data. For example, the essay could state that student loan was the highest source of income, accounting for 80% of students’ finances. The essay could also provide more accurate information about the remaining sources of income.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates some organization in presenting information but lacks overall coherence and progression. It attempts to address both the pie chart and bar chart but struggles with clarity and logical flow. There are some cohesive devices used, but they are not consistently effective, leading to occasional repetition and unclear referencing. Paragraphing is attempted but lacks coherence and logical structure, impacting readability and organization.

How to improve:

Logical Organization: Ensure a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing each chart separately, and a conclusion summarizing key points.
Cohesive Devices: Use a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., pronouns, linking words) to better connect ideas within and between sentences.
Paragraphing: Clearly separate different ideas into paragraphs to improve clarity and organization.

Improving these aspects will enhance the coherence and cohesion of the essay, potentially achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary appropriate for the task. There is some attempt to describe the data using basic vocabulary related to finance and student life. However, the vocabulary is repetitive and lacks variety, which limits the precision and fluency of expression. There are noticeable errors in word formation and spelling, such as "‘s" instead of "’s," and inconsistencies in pluralization ("purposes" instead of "purpose").

How to improve:

Expand Vocabulary: Introduce more varied and specific vocabulary related to financial terms (e.g., expenditure, income, budget).
Accuracy in Expression: Pay attention to word choice and ensure consistent and correct usage of grammar and punctuation.
Clarity and Precision: Aim for clearer and more precise descriptions of the data presented in the charts, using appropriate academic or technical terms where applicable.

Improving these aspects will help elevate the lexical resource to a higher band score, allowing for more effective communication of ideas and data analysis.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an attempt at using a variety of sentence structures, including simple and some complex sentences. There are some errors in grammar and punctuation that occasionally hinder clarity and comprehension. The essay attempts to convey information about student expenditure and income but lacks consistency in accuracy and structure.

How to improve:

Sentence Structure: Introduce more complex sentence structures to enhance variety and coherence.
Grammar and Punctuation: Pay closer attention to grammar rules and punctuation marks to minimize errors.
Clarity and Precision: Ensure that each sentence contributes clearly to the overall meaning and avoids ambiguity.

In this evaluation, the essay falls within Band 5 because it attempts to use a variety of sentence structures, though some are inaccurate or incomplete. There are noticeable errors in grammar and punctuation, which can occasionally impede understanding. To improve, the writer should focus on refining sentence structure diversity, enhancing grammatical accuracy, and ensuring clarity throughout the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

Certainly! Here is an improved version of the IELTS Task 1 report:

The pie chart illustrates the distribution of average monthly student expenditures in the UK for various purposes in 2016, while the bar graph presents the sources of income for UK students during the same period.

Overall, the largest proportion of students’ monthly expenditure was allocated to renting accommodations. Specifically, students spent £385 per month on rent, which was notably higher than the expenditures on food (£124) and other purposes (£91). Expenditure on bills and socializing accounted for £69 and £64 respectively, while travel expenses were the lowest at £52.

Turning to the sources of income shown in the bar graph, student loans constituted the primary source, comprising approximately 80% of students’ income. Family contributions and income from part-time jobs each accounted for 70% of the total income. The remaining income sources—savings, bank overdrafts, grants, and funding—each contributed 40% to students’ finances.

This revised version maintains the original data points and closely follows the structure of the original report, aiming for clarity and adherence to IELTS Task 1 requirements.