The pie chart shows the first place Germans and Nigerians go to in order to access the news in a typical week.

The pie charts illustrate the primary sources of news for Germans and Nigerians living in urban areas during a typical week. They reveal the preferences for different media channels in these two groups.
Overall, television is the most popular source of news for Germans, whereas newspapers are the preferred choice for urban Nigerians. The usage of the Internet for news is low in both countries, with Germans slightly more inclined to use it than Nigerians.
In Germany, television dominates as the primary news source, with 45% of people relying on it. Newspapers are the second most popular choice, accounting for 30%. Radio follows at 10%, showing a moderate level of use. The Internet is used by 11% of the population, indicating a relatively low but noteworthy preference. Other sources make up the smallest share, at 4%, reflecting a minimal dependency on alternative channels for news.
In contrast, urban Nigerians predominantly turn to newspapers, with a substantial 63% using them for news. This is significantly higher than the 30% of Germans who prefer newspapers. Television, used by only 13% of urban Nigerians, is much less popular compared to its 45% usage in Germany. Radio is a significant source for Nigerians at 22%, more than double the 10% of Germans who

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The pie charts illustrate" -> "The pie charts depict"
Explanation: "Depict" is a more precise and formal term than "illustrate" in the context of presenting data visually, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"Germans and Nigerians living in urban areas" -> "urban dwellers in Germany and Nigeria"
Explanation: "Urban dwellers in Germany and Nigeria" is more concise and formal, avoiding redundancy and improving the academic tone by using a more precise term for the population.
"They reveal the preferences for different media channels" -> "They demonstrate the preferences for various media outlets"
Explanation: "Demonstrate" is more academically appropriate than "reveal" in this context, and "various media outlets" is a more precise term than "different media channels."
"is the most popular source of news" -> "is the primary source of news"
Explanation: "Primary" is a more formal and precise term than "most popular," which can be seen as too colloquial for academic writing.
"The usage of the Internet for news is low" -> "Internet usage for news is limited"
Explanation: "Limited" is a more formal and precise term than "low," which can be vague and informal in this context.
"slightly more inclined to use it" -> "marginally more likely to utilize it"
Explanation: "Marginally more likely to utilize it" is more formal and precise than "slightly more inclined to use it," aligning better with academic style.
"dominates as the primary news source" -> "predominates as the primary news source"
Explanation: "Predominates" is a more formal synonym for "dominates," enhancing the academic tone of the text.
"showing a moderate level of use" -> "indicating a moderate level of usage"
Explanation: "Indicating" is more formal than "showing," and "usage" is preferred over "use" in formal writing to refer to the act of using something.
"Other sources make up the smallest share" -> "Other sources account for the smallest proportion"
Explanation: "Account for" is more precise and formal than "make up," and "proportion" is a more academic term than "share."
"relatively low but noteworthy preference" -> "relatively low but significant preference"
Explanation: "Significant" is a more formal and precise term than "noteworthy" in this context, fitting better in academic writing.
"substantially 63%" -> "substantially 63%"
Explanation: Removing "of" after "substantially" corrects the grammatical structure and maintains the formal tone.
"much less popular" -> "significantly less popular"
Explanation: "Significantly" is more precise and formal than "much," aligning better with academic standards.
"Radio is a significant source for Nigerians at 22%" -> "Radio is a significant source for Nigerians, accounting for 22%"
Explanation: Adding "accounting for" clarifies the relationship between the radio usage and the percentage, enhancing the formality and precision of the statement.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay provides a clear overview of the main trends in the data, highlighting the key features of the pie charts. The essay also presents a clear comparison between the two groups, noting the differences in their news consumption habits.

How to improve: The essay could be further improved by providing more specific details about the data. For example, the essay could mention that the percentage of Germans who use the internet for news is only slightly higher than the percentage of Nigerians who use it. The essay could also provide more specific examples of the different news sources that are used by each group.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a clear and logical organisation of information and ideas. It begins with an introductory overview of the pie charts and the news preferences of Germans and Nigerians. Throughout the essay, there is a coherent progression as it discusses each country’s news sources separately, providing specific percentages and comparisons. The transitions between different sources (television, newspapers, radio, internet) are handled smoothly, enhancing overall coherence. Each paragraph focuses on a central topic related to the data presented.

Cohesive devices are used appropriately to connect ideas within sentences and between paragraphs. For example, phrases like "Overall," and "In contrast," help guide the reader through the comparative analysis. The use of cohesive devices contributes to a coherent flow of information without being obtrusive.

Paragraphing is sufficiently managed, with clear separation of different aspects of the data (German preferences vs Nigerian preferences) into distinct paragraphs. This helps in structuring the essay logically and aids in clarity for the reader.

How to improve:
To further enhance coherence and cohesion, ensure that all paragraphs maintain a consistent focus on the main topic of news preferences. Check for any potential overuse or underuse of cohesive devices to ensure they are applied consistently throughout the essay. Additionally, pay attention to the logical progression of ideas within and between paragraphs to avoid any possible lapses in coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary with some flexibility and precision. It effectively uses less common lexical items such as "dominates," "predominantly," and "indicating." The writer shows awareness of style and collocation, evident in phrases like "the preferences for different media channels" and "reflecting a minimal dependency." There are occasional errors in word choice and word formation, but they do not significantly hinder communication. For instance, "the most popular source of news for Germans" could be improved by using "prevalent" or "dominant" instead of "popular."

How to improve:
To improve lexical resource to a Band 8 level, aim for more precise and varied vocabulary choices throughout the essay. Ensure uncommon lexical items are used accurately and consistently. Proofread for occasional errors in word choice and formation to enhance clarity and precision.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good level of grammatical range and accuracy suitable for a Band 7 score. It consistently uses a variety of complex sentence structures to convey information effectively. The majority of sentences are error-free, contributing to clear communication throughout the essay. Although a few minor errors and inaccuracies are present (e.g., missing conclusion, truncated last sentence), they do not significantly hinder understanding or coherence.

How to improve:
To enhance the score to a Band 8, ensure a higher frequency of error-free sentences and further refine complex sentence structures. Pay attention to minor issues such as concluding statements fully and maintaining consistency in punctuation throughout. Continued practice in using a wider range of complex structures with accuracy will also support improvement.

Bài sửa mẫu

The pie charts depict the primary sources of news accessed by urban Germans and Nigerians over the course of a typical week. They highlight the media preferences within these two demographic groups.

Overall, television stands out as the predominant news source for Germans, whereas newspapers are favored by urban Nigerians. The usage of the Internet for news remains relatively low in both countries, with Germans showing a slightly higher inclination towards it compared to Nigerians.

In Germany, television holds the highest share as the primary news outlet, with 45% of the population relying on it. Newspapers follow as the second most popular choice, making up 30%. Radio accounts for 10%, indicating a moderate level of listenership. The Internet is used by 11% of Germans, underscoring a notable but lesser preference. Other sources constitute the smallest proportion, at 4%, reflecting minimal dependence on alternative news channels.

Conversely, urban Nigerians predominantly rely on newspapers, with a substantial 63% using them as their primary news source. This is markedly higher than the 30% of Germans who opt for newspapers. Television, favored by only 13% of urban Nigerians, demonstrates significantly less popularity compared to its usage in Germany at 45%. Radio serves as a significant news source for Nigerians, with 22% relying on it, which is more than double the percentage of Germans who do so