The pie chart shows the result of a survey on unemployment duration of young vietnamese in 2013. The bar chart shows the reasons why they were jobless

The given pie chart depicts the proportion of 6 joblessness durations of Vietnamese youth in 2013, while the column chart illustrates 6 common reasons leading to unemployment.
Overall, it is apparent that the majority of young people in Vietnam were unemployed from 1 month to less than 6 months. Besides, lack of skills and the selectivity of job were the key contributors to joblessness.
Those who were jobless 1 month to less than 3 months took the lion’s share of the aggregate youth unemployment, at 38.9%, while only 4.7% being recorded in the category from 6 months to less than 1 year. The timespan of 3 months to less than 6 months ranked second, accounting for approximately 27%, compared to 15.5% of those missing jobs a week or less than a month. The amount of time during which youngsters in Vietnam were unemployed for more than a year was just a bit higher than that of periods ranging less than a week, with 7.3% and 6.7% respectively.
The most common reasons for joblessness could be seen in the category of lacking essential skills and job selectively, with the figure being recorded at about 72% and 69% in turn. Around 45% of youngsters were out of work due to their levels of education, a bit higher than the reason involving recruitment policies (about 42%). The least cited reasons, accounting for less than 20% (18% for those who were unwilling to work and 19% because of no job available)

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"the proportion of 6 joblessness durations" -> "the distribution of six unemployment durations"
Explanation: Replacing "proportion of 6 joblessness durations" with "distribution of six unemployment durations" improves clarity and formality, specifying the number and type of durations being discussed.
"the key contributors to joblessness" -> "the primary factors contributing to unemployment"
Explanation: Using "primary factors contributing to unemployment" instead of "key contributors to joblessness" enhances the sophistication of the expression while maintaining the original meaning.
"took the lion’s share of the aggregate youth unemployment" -> "constituted the majority of overall youth unemployment"
Explanation: Substituting "took the lion’s share of the aggregate youth unemployment" with "constituted the majority of overall youth unemployment" conveys the same idea more formally and precisely.
"The amount of time during which youngsters in Vietnam were unemployed" -> "The duration of unemployment among Vietnamese youths"
Explanation: Replacing "The amount of time during which youngsters in Vietnam were unemployed" with "The duration of unemployment among Vietnamese youths" offers a more concise and polished expression.
"the figure being recorded at about 72%" -> "the percentage being documented at approximately 72%"
Explanation: Changing "the figure being recorded at about 72%" to "the percentage being documented at approximately 72%" maintains accuracy while using a more precise term for statistical representation.
"a bit higher than the reason involving recruitment policies" -> "slightly exceeding the factor related to recruitment policies"
Explanation: Substituting "a bit higher than the reason involving recruitment policies" with "slightly exceeding the factor related to recruitment policies" employs more refined language to express a small difference.
"Less cited reasons" -> "Less frequently cited reasons"
Explanation: Replacing "Less cited reasons" with "Less frequently cited reasons" improves the precision and formality of the phrase.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay effectively covers the requirements of the task, presenting a clear overview of the main trends in both the pie chart and bar chart. It appropriately highlights key features and provides some detailed information. The organization of ideas is generally clear.

How to improve:
To enhance the Task Achievement score, consider providing more specific details and examples. Additionally, aim to extend the discussion of key features, especially in the analysis of the bar chart. Ensure that the information presented is relevant and directly contributes to the overall understanding of the unemployment data. Overall, a more comprehensive exploration of the data points and relationships would strengthen the essay and potentially elevate the score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, maintaining clear progression throughout. Cohesive devices are used appropriately, though there is slight underuse. The central topic within each paragraph is clear, and paragraphing is generally sufficient and appropriate.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider incorporating a wider range of cohesive devices to further strengthen the connections between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, ensure consistent and precise referencing to avoid any potential ambiguity.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of vocabulary, using a range of words and expressions with a sufficient level of precision. The introduction effectively paraphrases the prompt, and the transitions between paragraphs are clear, contributing to coherence. The writer skillfully utilizes uncommon lexical items such as "aggregate" and "contributors," although occasional inaccuracies and minor errors are present, such as in the phrase "the figure being recorded at about 72% and 69% in turn." There is also room for improvement in word choice and collocation.

How to improve:
To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should focus on refining word choice and ensuring the accuracy of expressions. While the vocabulary is generally varied and appropriate, attention to precision and clarity can further elevate the essay. Additionally, the occasional errors, such as the mentioned phrase, should be addressed for a more polished language use. A more nuanced use of vocabulary can be achieved by avoiding repetitive phrases, and introducing a wider variety of synonyms when expressing ideas, especially in complex sentence structures.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a commendable use of a variety of complex structures, contributing to a Band 7 score. The writer employs diverse sentence forms, such as compound and complex sentences, effectively conveying the information. There is good control over grammar and punctuation, and the majority of sentences are error-free. However, there are a few instances of minor errors that slightly affect the overall accuracy. For instance, there are issues with subject-verb agreement in the sentence, "The most common reasons for joblessness could be seen in the category of lacking essential skills and job selectively," where ‘reasons’ should agree with the singular ‘category.’

How to improve:
To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement. In this specific case, ensuring that subjects and verbs match in number would improve the precision of expression. Additionally, maintaining consistency in verb tenses throughout the essay will further enhance grammatical accuracy. Proofreading for such minor errors will help refine the essay and elevate it to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Certainly! Here’s an improved version of the given IELTS Task 1 report:

The presented visual data consists of a pie chart showcasing the varying durations of unemployment among young Vietnamese individuals in 2013 and a corresponding column chart outlining the primary reasons contributing to this joblessness.

Overall, it is evident that the predominant unemployment duration for Vietnamese youth ranged between 1 month and less than 6 months. Simultaneously, the lack of necessary skills and the selectivity of available jobs emerged as the primary factors contributing to this situation.

In detail, the largest portion of youth unemployment, at 38.9%, was observed among those who were without work for 1 month to less than 3 months. Conversely, only a mere 4.7% fell into the category of unemployment lasting from 6 months to less than 1 year. The duration of 3 months to less than 6 months accounted for approximately 27% of the total, while individuals unemployed for a week or less than a month constituted 15.5%. The percentage of individuals unemployed for over a year was marginally higher, at 7.3%, compared to those unemployed for less than a week, standing at 6.7%.

Turning to the reasons behind this unemployment trend, it is evident that the most prevalent causes were a lack of essential skills and job selectivity, accounting for about 72% and 69%, respectively. Around 45% of young individuals were unemployed due to their educational qualifications, slightly surpassing the impact of recruitment policies, which affected about 42% of job seekers. The least cited reasons, each contributing to less than 20% of the total, were the unwillingness to work (18%) and the unavailability of suitable jobs (19%).

In conclusion, the data underscores the prevalence of short to medium-term unemployment among Vietnamese youth in 2013, primarily attributed to the scarcity of essential skills and the discerning nature of available job opportunities.

This revised version maintains the original data points while refining the language for clarity and precision.