The pie charts and the table show the types of living accommodation occupied by 25-year- olds in London during the 1990s and the 2010s and the availability of different types of accommodation in London during the same two periods. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The pie charts and the table show the types of living accommodation occupied by 25-year-
olds in London during the 1990s and the 2010s and the availability of different types of
accommodation in London during the same two periods.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make
comparisons where relevant.
The pie charts depict the proportion of 5 distinct categorizes of living lodging by young people in London, in two separate years, 1900s and 2010s. Meanwhile, the table illustrates 4 different kinds of available housing at the same time.
Overall, the proportion of people living in shared houses and flat increased, while the figures for the rest of housing types decreased. It is important to notice that 3-4 bedroom houses were the most numerous of available housing types.
The statistics from the charts illustrate that the number of 1-2 bedroom houses decreased enormously by around a third, from 34,000 to 12,000 due to a decreased in the percentage of young people living alone, which fell to around 2% in 2000s.Similarly, 1-2 bedrooms flats declined from 32,000 to 10,000 because of a sharp plunge from about a quarter to just under 5% of people choosing to live on their own in a flat.
Upon reviewing the charts one more in 2010 onwards, 3-4 bedroom houses become the most common in 4 type of available houses, with the proportion of people living in share houses and flats rose significantly about two thirds of the total type of living residence. Conversely, in 2000s there was a slight decrease from nearly a third to around 25% in the proportion of people living with parents.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"pie charts depict" -> "the pie charts illustrate"
Explanation: Using "illustrate" instead of "depict" enhances the formality and precision of the academic tone, as "illustrate" is more commonly used in formal writing to describe the presentation of data. -
"categorizes of living lodging" -> "categories of residential types"
Explanation: "Categorizes" is incorrect as it is a verb form; "categories" is the correct noun form. "Living lodging" is vague and informal; "residential types" is more specific and appropriate for academic writing. -
"young people" -> "young individuals"
Explanation: "Individuals" is more formal and precise than "people" in academic contexts, especially when referring to specific demographic groups. -
"Meanwhile, the table illustrates" -> "Simultaneously, the table presents"
Explanation: "Simultaneously" is more formal than "meanwhile," which is somewhat conversational. "Presents" is a more precise verb than "illustrates" for tables, which typically display data rather than illustrate concepts. -
"the figures for the rest of housing types" -> "the figures for the remaining housing types"
Explanation: "Remaining" is more precise and formal than "rest," which is somewhat informal and vague in this context. -
"It is important to notice" -> "It is noteworthy to observe"
Explanation: "Noteworthy" is more formal than "important," and "observe" is more academic than "notice," which can sound too casual for formal writing. -
"3-4 bedroom houses were the most numerous of available housing types" -> "Three- to four-bedroom houses were the most prevalent among available housing types"
Explanation: "Prevalent" is more precise and formal than "most numerous," and using "Three- to four-bedroom" instead of "3-4 bedroom" follows standard numerical formatting in academic writing. -
"enormously by around a third" -> "significantly by approximately a third"
Explanation: "Significantly" is more precise and formal than "enormously," which can imply extreme magnitude and is less commonly used in academic writing. "Approximately" is preferred over "around" for formal writing. -
"a decreased in the percentage" -> "a decrease in the percentage"
Explanation: "Decreased" is a past participle and should be used as an adjective; "decrease" is the correct noun form. -
"Similarly, 1-2 bedrooms flats declined" -> "Similarly, one- to two-bedroom flats declined"
Explanation: "One- to two-bedroom" is grammatically correct and more formal than "1-2 bedrooms," which is informal and less precise. -
"Upon reviewing the charts one more in 2010 onwards" -> "Upon reviewing the charts in 2010 and beyond"
Explanation: "One more in 2010 onwards" is awkward and unclear. "In 2010 and beyond" is clearer and more formal. -
"rose significantly about two thirds" -> "increased significantly by about two-thirds"
Explanation: "Increased" is the correct verb to use with "significantly," and "by about two-thirds" is the correct prepositional phrase for expressing proportionate change. -
"in share houses and flats" -> "in shared houses and flats"
Explanation: "Shared" is the correct adjective form to describe houses and flats that are shared among multiple people. -
"there was a slight decrease from nearly a third to around 25%" -> "there was a slight decrease from nearly a third to approximately 25%"
Explanation: "Approximately" is more formal than "around," which is less precise and more conversational.
Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6
Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main features of the data, but it does not fully satisfy all the requirements of the task. The essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages. The essay also does not adequately highlight key features/bullet points.
How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends, differences or stages. The essay could also be improved by highlighting key features/bullet points more adequately. For example, the essay could state that the proportion of people living in shared houses and flats increased significantly between the 1990s and the 2010s. The essay could also state that the number of 1-2 bedroom houses and flats decreased significantly between the 1990s and the 2010s. The essay could also state that 3-4 bedroom houses were the most numerous of available housing types in both the 1990s and the 2010s.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a lack of overall progression. While it attempts to compare the data from the pie charts and the table, the connections between ideas are not always clear. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, leading to confusion in the flow of information. Additionally, the paragraphing is not well-structured, which detracts from the overall coherence of the essay.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on clearly organizing the information and ensuring logical progression between ideas. This can be achieved by using a wider range of cohesive devices appropriately and avoiding mechanical or repetitive usage. Improving paragraph structure by clearly defining central topics within each paragraph and ensuring that each paragraph logically connects to the next would also help. Additionally, providing clearer references to the data in the charts and tables would strengthen the overall clarity of the essay.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to describe the data presented in the pie charts and table, the vocabulary used is basic and at times repetitive. There are noticeable errors in word choice and spelling (e.g., "categorizes" should be "categories," "decreased enormously" is awkwardly phrased). These errors may cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended message. Additionally, the essay lacks the use of less common lexical items and does not show sufficient flexibility or precision in vocabulary usage.
How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, including less common and more sophisticated terms relevant to the topic. This could involve using synonyms to avoid repetition and ensuring that word choices accurately convey the intended meaning. Additionally, careful proofreading to eliminate spelling errors and awkward phrases would improve clarity and coherence. Engaging with academic vocabulary related to housing and demographics could also elevate the overall lexical quality of the essay.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily using simple sentences with some attempts at complex forms. While there are some accurate structures, frequent grammatical errors and issues with punctuation are present, which can cause difficulties for the reader. For instance, phrases like "decreased enormously by around a third" and "the most numerous of available housing types" show awkwardness and lack of clarity. Additionally, the use of "categorizes" instead of "categories" is a notable error. Overall, the errors detract from the clarity and coherence of the essay.
How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on using a wider variety of sentence structures, including more complex sentences. Practicing the correct use of punctuation and ensuring subject-verb agreement will also help. Additionally, reviewing vocabulary for precision and correctness, such as using "categories" instead of "categorizes," will improve overall clarity. Engaging in targeted grammar exercises and seeking feedback on written work can further aid in developing these skills.
Bài sửa mẫu
The pie charts depict the proportion of five distinct categories of living accommodation occupied by young people in London in two separate decades, the 1990s and the 2010s. Meanwhile, the table illustrates four different types of available housing during the same periods.
Overall, the proportion of people living in shared houses and flats increased, while the figures for the other housing types decreased. It is important to note that 3-4 bedroom houses were the most numerous among the available housing types.
The statistics from the charts illustrate that the number of 1-2 bedroom houses decreased significantly by around a third, from 34,000 to 12,000, due to a decline in the percentage of young people living alone, which fell to around 2% in the 2000s. Similarly, the number of 1-2 bedroom flats declined from 32,000 to 10,000 because of a sharp drop from about a quarter to just under 5% of people choosing to live independently in a flat.
Upon reviewing the charts for the 2010s, 3-4 bedroom houses became the most common among the four types of available housing, with the proportion of people living in shared houses and flats rising significantly to about two-thirds of the total types of living accommodation. Conversely, in the 2000s, there was a slight decrease from nearly a third to around 25% in the proportion of people living with their parents.
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