The pie charts below show favorite social media channels from 2011 to 2013. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. - Bài mẫu Task 1 - Band 6

The pie charts below show favorite social media channels from 2011 to 2013.

Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The provided pie charts depict the percentage of 4 particular favorite social media channels during the 2011-2013 period.

As indicated in the diagram, there was a downward trend in the percentage of users preferring Facebook, while the opposite was observed for the remaining factors. It is also evident that Facebook consistently recorded the highest data throughout the featured time frame.

Initially, the percentage of people favoring Facebook commenced at 59 in 2011, after which it experienced a steady decline to roughly two-thirds at 38 in 2013. Conservely, the figures for Twitter and Pinterest witnessed an opposite trend, which slightly grew from 21% and 5% to 25% and 8% respectively after 2 years.

Regarding the remaining factors, 5% of users preferred Google+ in the first year, followed by a considerable rise by roughly 3 times to 14% in 2013. Moreover, it is the statistics of LinkedIn that increased continuously from 10% to 15% throughout the examined duration.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The provided pie charts depict" -> "The pie charts presented illustrate"
Explanation: Replacing "depict" with "illustrate" enhances the formal tone and aligns better with academic style, which typically uses more precise and formal vocabulary for presenting data visualizations.
"favorite social media channels" -> "preferred social media platforms"
Explanation: "Preferred social media platforms" is more precise and formal than "favorite social media channels," which sounds informal and less specific.
"there was a downward trend" -> "there was a decline"
Explanation: "Decline" is a more precise term in academic contexts when discussing changes in data over time, compared to the more general "downward trend."
"the remaining factors" -> "the other platforms"
Explanation: "The other platforms" is more specific and clearer than "the remaining factors," which can be vague and less precise in this context.
"Conservely" -> "Conversely"
Explanation: This is a spelling correction to ensure the proper usage of the word "conversely," which is commonly used to indicate an opposite change.
"roughly two-thirds" -> "approximately two-thirds"
Explanation: "Approximately" is more formal and academically appropriate than "roughly," which can be seen as too informal for academic writing.
"the figures for Twitter and Pinterest witnessed an opposite trend" -> "the figures for Twitter and Pinterest exhibited an opposing trend"
Explanation: "Exhibited an opposing trend" is more formal and precise than "witnessed an opposite trend," aligning better with academic style.
"slightly grew" -> "slightly increased"
Explanation: "Increased" is more direct and formal than "grew," which can be seen as slightly informal for academic writing.
"the statistics of LinkedIn" -> "the statistics for LinkedIn"
Explanation: "For" is the correct preposition to use with "statistics" when referring to data about a specific entity, such as LinkedIn.
"it is the statistics of" -> "the statistics for"
Explanation: Again, "for" is the correct preposition to use with "statistics" in this context, making the phrase more grammatically correct and formal.
"the examined duration" -> "the examined period"
Explanation: "Period" is a more commonly used term in academic contexts when referring to a specific time frame, making it more appropriate than "duration."

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the text, aligning it more closely with the standards of academic writing.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main trends in the data, but it does not fully satisfy all the requirements of the task. The essay does not adequately highlight all the key features of the data. For example, the essay does not mention that the percentage of users preferring Twitter increased from 21% to 25% over the three-year period.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a more detailed analysis of the data. The essay should highlight all the key features of the data, including the changes in the percentage of users preferring each social media channel over the three-year period. The essay should also make comparisons between the different social media channels. For example, the essay could compare the percentage of users preferring Facebook to the percentage of users preferring Twitter.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.5

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion overall. The information is generally arranged in a coherent manner with a clear progression throughout the essay. The introduction effectively summarizes the main features of the charts. Each paragraph focuses on a different social media platform, presenting data from 2011 to 2013 in a structured way.

Cohesive devices are used adequately to connect ideas within and between sentences, although there are instances where cohesion could be improved. For example, there are minor issues with sentence structure and transitions that could be smoother. However, the essay generally maintains a logical flow and progression of ideas.

Paragraphing is mostly appropriate, with clear central topics within each paragraph addressing a specific social media platform and its trends over time. However, there are a few areas where the paragraphing could be more logically structured to enhance clarity.

How to improve:

Cohesive devices: Ensure that cohesive devices are used consistently and appropriately throughout the essay to enhance coherence. Focus on using a variety of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more effectively.
Paragraph structure: Review paragraphing to ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and follows a logical sequence. Consider how each paragraph transitions to the next to maintain a smooth flow of information.

Overall, the essay demonstrates potential to improve coherence and cohesion with more attention to cohesive devices and paragraph structure.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task. There is an attempt to use some less common vocabulary ("conservely", "considerable rise"), although with some inaccuracies in word choice and word formation ("two-thirds", "commenced"). Errors in spelling and word formation do occur ("Google+", "examined"), but they do not significantly impede communication.

How to improve: To improve lexical resource for a higher band score, focus on using more precise and accurate vocabulary choices. Pay attention to word formation and spelling accuracy to reduce errors that can sometimes distract the reader. Aim for more varied and complex sentence structures where appropriate to showcase a wider range of lexical abilities.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay utilizes a mix of simple and complex sentence forms to convey information about the given data. There is an attempt to vary sentence structure and include complex sentences, although there are noticeable grammatical errors and inconsistencies in punctuation. Despite these errors, the communication is generally clear, and the essay effectively summarizes the main features and makes comparisons as required by the prompt.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on:

Sentence structure: Continue using a variety of sentence structures, including more complex ones, to demonstrate flexibility.
Grammar and punctuation: Pay closer attention to grammatical accuracy and punctuation consistency. Review the use of verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and punctuation rules to minimize errors.

Overall, the essay demonstrates an adequate control of grammar and structure but would benefit from more accurate and consistent application of these elements to achieve a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Certainly! Here’s an improved version of the IELTS Task 1 report based on the original input, focusing on clarity, accuracy, and adherence to IELTS standards:

The provided pie charts illustrate the changes in user preferences for four specific social media platforms from 2011 to 2013.

Overall, Facebook emerged as the most favored platform throughout the period, although its popularity experienced a decline over the three years. In 2011, Facebook was preferred by 59% of users, which gradually decreased to 38% by 2013. In contrast, Twitter and Pinterest saw an upward trend in their user bases. Twitter’s usage rose from 21% in 2011 to 25% in 2013, while Pinterest’s popularity increased from 5% to 8% during the same period.

Google+, despite starting with a modest 5% share in 2011, witnessed a significant rise to 14% by 2013. Meanwhile, LinkedIn’s user preference grew steadily from 10% in 2011 to 15% in 2013.

In summary, while Facebook maintained its lead among the social media channels, Twitter, Pinterest, Google+, and LinkedIn also showed varying degrees of growth in user preference from 2011 to 2013.

This revised version maintains the original data points and structure while ensuring clarity and coherence, which are essential in achieving a higher score on the IELTS Task 1 writing assessment.