The pie charts show the main reasons for migration to and from the UK in 2007.

The pie graphs depict the comparison of the proportion of emigrants and immigrants travelling from and to the UK and for various purposes in the year 2007.

Overall, the percentage of those who moved in or out for a permanent job had by far the highest figures in both illustrations. Additionally, while a considerable figure for immigrants coming to the UK for education purpose, this is the least factor stated in the emigrants’ case.

The share of people who went to the UK to intake a definite occupation is similar to those who left the country for the same reason, with 30% and 29% respectively. A similar trend was witnessed in accompany relatives purpose, but to a smaller extent, which is 15% for emigrants and 13% for immigrants.

Regarding categories with pronounced differences, while 26% of the immigrants stated that they entered the UK to pursuit academic pursuits, this is only the case for 4% of emigrants. Meanwhile, 12% of the immigrants responded that they migrated to the country in order to seek for jobs which halved its emigrate counterparts, with 22%. Finally, those who immigrated with no reason or for others took up to 15%, which almost doubled their emigrant counterparts, compared to 32%.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"depict" -> "illustrate"
Explanation: "Illustrate" is a more formal and precise term often used in academic contexts to describe the presentation of data or information.
"moved in or out" -> "migrated to or from"
Explanation: "Migrated to or from" is a more specific and accurate phrase to describe movement between locations, particularly when referring to immigration and emigration.
"had by far the highest figures" -> "recorded the highest percentages"
Explanation: "Recorded the highest percentages" offers a clearer and more quantitative description of the data presented in the graphs.
"considerable figure" -> "significant proportion"
Explanation: "Significant proportion" conveys a stronger sense of importance and magnitude compared to "considerable figure."
"stated in the emigrants’ case" -> "reported by emigrants"
Explanation: "Reported by emigrants" is a more precise and active phrase that indicates who provided the data.
"went to" -> "migrated to"
Explanation: "Migrated to" is a more formal and appropriate term when describing movement to a different location, particularly in the context of immigration.
"intake" -> "pursue"
Explanation: "Pursue" is a more appropriate verb to describe the action of seeking or undertaking something, such as education or employment.
"definite occupation" -> "specific occupation"
Explanation: "Specific occupation" is a more accurate term to describe a particular job or career.
"witnessed" -> "observed"
Explanation: "Observed" is a more formal and precise term commonly used in academic writing to describe the act of seeing or noticing something.
"pronounced differences" -> "significant disparities"
Explanation: "Significant disparities" conveys a stronger sense of contrast or variation compared to "pronounced differences."
"stated that they entered" -> "indicated entry"
Explanation: "Indicated entry" is a more concise and formal phrase to describe the action of entering a country.
"pursuit academic pursuits" -> "pursue academic endeavors"
Explanation: "Pursue academic endeavors" is a more grammatically correct and precise phrase to describe the action of engaging in academic activities.
"halved its emigrate counterparts" -> "halved that of their emigrant counterparts"
Explanation: "That of their emigrant counterparts" clarifies the comparison between the percentages of immigrants and their emigrant counterparts.
"with 22%" -> "compared to 22%"
Explanation: Adding "compared to" clarifies the comparison being made between the percentage of immigrants seeking jobs and the specific percentage provided.
"those who immigrated with no reason" -> "individuals who migrated for unspecified reasons"
Explanation: "Individuals who migrated for unspecified reasons" provides a clearer and more formal description of those who immigrated without a specific purpose mentioned.
"took up to" -> "accounted for"
Explanation: "Accounted for" is a more precise and formal term to describe the proportion or share of something within a whole.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation:
The essay addresses the requirements of the Task 1 prompt by providing an overview and some specific data comparisons between emigrants and immigrants. However, it struggles in places with clarity and precision in the presentation of data. While it does an adequate job of highlighting the main reasons for immigration and emigration, some details seem inappropriate or inaccurate, especially when dealing with percentage comparisons which are not always clear or correctly aligned with the data labels. The response is organized but includes some repetitions and slightly irrelevant data that do not directly contribute to a focused analysis of the task.

How to improve:
To improve towards a higher band score, focus on ensuring that all presented data is relevant and accurately supports the task’s requirements. Clarify the overview by succinctly summarizing the main trends rather than just comparing individual data points. Avoid repetition and make sure that each point adds value to the understanding of the overall migration trends. Present information in a logical sequence, ensuring that comparisons between emigrants and immigrants are direct and clear, avoiding any potential confusion.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a generally coherent organization with a clear overall progression. It effectively presents information about the main reasons for migration to and from the UK in 2007. The introduction sets the context and purpose of the essay clearly. Each paragraph focuses on specific categories of migration reasons, providing comparisons between immigrants and emigrants. There is a logical flow of ideas within and between paragraphs.

However, there are some instances where cohesion within and between sentences could be improved. For example, transitions between ideas could be smoother to enhance the overall coherence. Additionally, some sentences lack clarity due to awkward phrasing or grammatical errors, which slightly disrupts the flow of the essay.

Paragraphing is used adequately to separate different ideas, but there is room for improvement in the logical arrangement of paragraphs. For instance, the paragraph discussing the differences in migration reasons between immigrants and emigrants could be more logically positioned after introducing the overall trends.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of coherence and cohesion, but there are areas where clarity and organization could be enhanced.

How to improve:

Focus on improving the clarity and coherence of sentences by avoiding awkward phrasing and grammatical errors.
Ensure smoother transitions between ideas to improve the overall flow of the essay.
Consider reorganizing paragraphs to enhance the logical progression of ideas and improve overall coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with a mix of common and less common lexical items. There is an attempt to use varied vocabulary to convey meaning, and some less common lexical items are used appropriately, such as "proportion," "emigrants," "accompany," "pronounced," and "counterparts." The essay also shows awareness of style and collocation, evident in phrases like "went to the UK," "pursuit academic pursuits," and "immigrated with no reason." However, there are occasional errors in word choice and collocation, such as "for various purposes in the year 2007" which could be phrased more succinctly. Additionally, there are minor inaccuracies in word choice and spelling, such as "pursuit academic pursuits" which could be improved to maintain coherence and accuracy. Overall, the essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary with some awareness of style and collocation, but there are occasional errors that slightly affect precision.

How to improve:
To improve lexical resource, focus on refining word choice and collocation to enhance precision and coherence. Review sentences for clarity and accuracy, ensuring that less common lexical items are used appropriately. Pay close attention to spelling and word formation to minimize errors and maintain fluency. Additionally, aim for more consistency in vocabulary usage throughout the essay to enhance overall coherence.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures with a mix of simple and complex sentences. There is a variety of sentence types used throughout the essay, showcasing the writer’s attempt at complexity. Additionally, the majority of sentences are error-free, contributing to clear communication. Complex structures such as subordinate clauses are used effectively, enhancing the overall quality of the essay.

However, there are a few errors present, particularly in subject-verb agreement ("proportion of emigrants and immigrants travelling from and to the UK") and verb tense consistency ("the percentage of those who moved in or out for a permanent job had by far the highest figures"). These errors, while occasional, slightly impact the clarity and precision of the essay.

How to improve:
To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on ensuring consistency in subject-verb agreement and verb tense throughout the essay. Additionally, pay attention to sentence structure complexity, aiming for a more consistent use of complex structures while avoiding errors. Proofreading for grammatical errors before finalizing the essay can also help improve accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided pie charts illustrate the comparative data concerning migration to and from the UK in 2007, categorized by various purposes.

In general, the predominant reason for migration, whether inbound or outbound, was for permanent employment, representing the highest proportion in both scenarios. Additionally, while a notable percentage of immigrants arrived in the UK for educational purposes, this motive was considerably less prevalent among emigrants.

The proportion of individuals migrating to the UK for employment opportunities closely mirrored those departing the country for the same reason, at 30% and 29%, respectively. A similar trend was observed in migration for family reunion purposes, albeit to a lesser extent, with figures of 15% for emigrants and 13% for immigrants.

Significant disparities emerged in the categories of educational pursuit. While 26% of immigrants cited education as their reason for moving to the UK, only 4% of emigrants reported the same motive. Conversely, 12% of immigrants migrated for employment without a specified occupation, which was half the proportion of emigrants at 22%. Finally, individuals migrating for unspecified reasons or others accounted for 15% of immigrants, nearly double the corresponding figure of 32% for emigrants.