the pie charts show the reasons people in great Britain had for visiting art museums in the years 1990 and 2000. summarise the imformation by selecting and reporting the main features.

The charts below illustrates the reasons tourists had for visiting art museums in between 1990 and 2000.

Overall, it is clear that the majority of visitors tend to learn and gain knowledge. While there were some categories which was lower than to gain and learn knowledge in the art museums.

Looking at the pie charts in 1990, one can see that to learn and gain knowledge is the highest one falling into 44%. followed after by to fill their travel schedule accounted for 27%. subsequently, to attend a special exhibit and to spend time with family felt into 12%. finally, others and to buy art hit the lowest point , for under 5%.

Looking at the charts in 2000, one can see the differences in each category. Firstly, to learn and gain knowledge remain the highest point , especially it increased slightly approximately 1% . while to fill their travel schedules was decreased marginally from 27% to 12%, to spend time with friends and family and to attend a special exhibit were increased slightly between 5% and 6%. finally, to buy art and others were the lowest one, but to buy art just increased slightly in 4%.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The charts below illustrates" -> "The charts below illustrate"
Explanation: The verb "illustrate" should be in the plural form "illustrate" to agree with the plural subject "charts."
"visiting art museums in between 1990 and 2000" -> "visiting art museums between 1990 and 2000"
Explanation: "In between" is somewhat informal and less precise; "between" is the correct preposition for indicating a range of time.
"the majority of visitors tend to learn and gain knowledge" -> "the majority of visitors tend to seek knowledge and learn"
Explanation: "Gain knowledge" is redundant with "learn," so "seek knowledge and learn" is more precise and avoids redundancy.
"which was lower than to gain and learn knowledge" -> "which was lower than for gaining and learning knowledge"
Explanation: The phrase "to gain and learn knowledge" is grammatically incorrect; "for gaining and learning knowledge" corrects this and maintains the formal tone.
"to fill their travel schedule" -> "to fill their travel schedules"
Explanation: "Schedule" should be plural to match the plural subject "visitors."
"subsequently, to attend a special exhibit and to spend time with family felt into 12%" -> "subsequently, to attend a special exhibit and to spend time with family accounted for 12%"
Explanation: "Felt into" is incorrect and unclear; "accounted for" is the correct expression for describing percentages in statistics.
"to buy art hit the lowest point, for under 5%" -> "to buy art was the lowest, at less than 5%"
Explanation: "Hit the lowest point" is informal and vague; "was the lowest, at less than 5%" is more precise and formal.
"the differences in each category" -> "the variations in each category"
Explanation: "Differences" can be replaced with "variations" to provide a more neutral and academically appropriate term.
"to spend time with friends and family and to attend a special exhibit were increased slightly between 5% and 6%" -> "to spend time with friends and family and to attend a special exhibit increased slightly by 5% to 6%"
Explanation: The original phrasing is awkward and unclear; the revised version clarifies the increase and is more formal.
"to buy art and others were the lowest one" -> "to buy art and others were the lowest"
Explanation: "The lowest one" is grammatically incorrect; "the lowest" is the correct form.
"but to buy art just increased slightly in 4%" -> "however, to buy art increased by only 4%"
Explanation: "Just" is informal and "in 4%" is less precise; "by only 4%" is more formal and precise.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main features of the data, but the information is not always presented in a clear and concise way. The essay also includes some irrelevant details, such as the specific percentage increases and decreases.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by focusing on the most significant trends and providing more specific examples to support the overview. The essay could also be made more concise by removing unnecessary details. For example, instead of saying "to learn and gain knowledge remain the highest point, especially it increased slightly approximately 1%", the essay could simply say "to learn and gain knowledge remained the most popular reason for visiting art museums in 2000".

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While it attempts to summarize the data from the pie charts, the structure is somewhat disjointed, leading to confusion. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, which affects the clarity of the relationships between ideas. Additionally, the paragraphing is not always logical, as some points could be better grouped or sequenced to enhance coherence.

How to improve:

Enhance Overall Structure: Organize the essay into clear paragraphs that each focus on a specific aspect of the data, such as a separate paragraph for each year or category.
Use Cohesive Devices Effectively: Incorporate a wider range of cohesive devices to connect ideas more fluidly. Avoid repetitive phrases and ensure that transitions between sentences and paragraphs are smooth.
Clarify Ideas: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences within the paragraph support that topic. This will help to maintain a logical flow throughout the essay.
Proofread for Accuracy: Check for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that may hinder comprehension. For example, phrases like "to fill their travel schedule accounted for 27%" could be rephrased for clarity.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to convey the main features of the pie charts, the vocabulary used is basic and repetitive, with some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation (e.g., "the highest one falling into 44%" and "felt into 12%"). There are noticeable errors in spelling and word formation (e.g., "hit the lowest point," "remain the highest point"), which may cause some difficulty for the reader. Overall, the lexical resource does not meet the criteria for higher bands due to these limitations.

How to improve: To improve the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary, including less common lexical items, to enhance precision and clarity. Additionally, attention should be paid to correct word forms and collocations. Practicing synonyms and varying sentence structures can also help to reduce repetition and improve overall fluency. Finally, proofreading for spelling and grammatical accuracy will enhance the overall quality of the writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily using simple sentences with some attempts at complex forms. However, there are frequent grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ("which was lower" should be "which were lower"), incorrect prepositions ("to fill their travel schedule" should be "to fill their travel schedules"), and punctuation errors. These mistakes can cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended meaning. While the essay attempts to convey information about the pie charts, the inaccuracies in grammar and punctuation hinder effective communication.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Variety of Sentence Structures: Incorporate a wider range of complex sentences to demonstrate grammatical flexibility.
Error Correction: Proofread the essay to identify and correct grammatical errors, especially in subject-verb agreement and punctuation.
Clarity and Cohesion: Ensure that ideas are clearly expressed and logically connected, which can improve overall readability and comprehension.

Bài sửa mẫu

The charts below illustrate the reasons tourists had for visiting art museums in Great Britain between 1990 and 2000.

Overall, it is clear that the majority of visitors tended to prioritize learning and gaining knowledge, while some categories were lower in comparison to this primary motivation.

Looking at the pie charts for 1990, one can see that the desire to learn and gain knowledge was the highest, accounting for 44%. This was followed by filling their travel schedule, which represented 27%. Subsequently, attending a special exhibit and spending time with family each accounted for 12%. Finally, the categories of others and buying art hit the lowest point, each at under 5%.

Examining the charts for 2000, noticeable differences emerge in each category. Firstly, the motivation to learn and gain knowledge remained the highest, with a slight increase of approximately 1%. In contrast, the percentage of visitors filling their travel schedules decreased marginally from 27% to 12%. The motivations to spend time with friends and family and to attend a special exhibit both increased slightly, falling between 5% and 6%. Lastly, the categories of buying art and others remained the lowest, although the percentage for buying art increased slightly to 4%.