The pie charts show the results of a survey conducted by a university on the opinions of full-time and part-time students about its services.

The pie charts illustrate the consequences of conducting survey on student about a full-time, part-time job and its service
Overall, it can be seen from the first picture, student feelings comfortable with IT support offered on full-time job are an upward trend while the rate of normal feelings ranks the highest level. In addition, the feeling of love with IT service always ranks the highest trend in second picture, and categories share many different levels
On the one hand, initially, only 15% and 31% student on full-time job are not all all and quiet happy with IT offered, meanwhile those are 3 times greater than normal feelings and grow to 4% for lovely feelings. However, 54% of interested feelings with IT offered on full-time job witnessed noticeable decrease, falling to 20%.
On the other hand, 87% of love feelings with its service on full-time job reach unprecedented level, meanwhile this is only 72% on part-time job. Besides that, few student feel not at all and 12% of happy feelings on full-time job make up 5% and 23% on part-time job.
As can be seen from picture, student always feel comfortable with IT offered on full-time job, while the student feelings with IT service are equal between full-time and part-time job.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"conducting survey on student about a full-time, part-time job and its service" -> "conducting a survey among students about full-time and part-time employment and its services"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revision corrects the preposition and verb usage, and uses "employment" and "services" to enhance formality and clarity.
"student feelings comfortable with IT support offered on full-time job" -> "student satisfaction with IT support offered in full-time employment"
Explanation: "Student feelings comfortable" is awkward and unclear. "Satisfaction" is a more precise and formal term that fits better in academic writing, and "in full-time employment" is grammatically correct and clearer.
"the rate of normal feelings ranks the highest level" -> "the rate of normal satisfaction ranks highest"
Explanation: "the highest level" is redundant as "highest" already implies a level. Removing "the" and "level" simplifies the phrase without losing meaning.
"the feeling of love with IT service always ranks the highest trend" -> "the level of satisfaction with IT services consistently ranks highest"
Explanation: "The feeling of love" is an unusual and informal expression. "The level of satisfaction" is more appropriate and formal. "Consistently" is used instead of "always" to maintain a more academic tone.
"categories share many different levels" -> "categories exhibit varying levels"
Explanation: "Share many different levels" is vague and informal. "Exhibit varying levels" is more precise and academically suitable, clearly indicating the diversity of responses.
"only 15% and 31% student on full-time job are not all all and quiet happy with IT offered" -> "only 15% and 31% of students on full-time employment are neither entirely nor quietly satisfied with IT services"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revision corrects the grammar and uses "neither entirely nor quietly satisfied" to clarify the extent of dissatisfaction.
"those are 3 times greater than normal feelings and grow to 4% for lovely feelings" -> "which is three times that of normal feelings and increases to 4% for positive feelings"
Explanation: "Those are 3 times greater" is informal and unclear. "Which is three times that of normal feelings" is more precise and formal. Also, "lovely feelings" is vague; "positive feelings" is more specific and appropriate in an academic context.
"witnessed noticeable decrease, falling to 20%" -> "experienced a significant decrease, dropping to 20%"
Explanation: "Witnessed noticeable decrease" is somewhat informal and vague. "Experienced a significant decrease" is more precise and formal, and "dropping" is a clearer verb choice than "falling" in this context.
"few student feel not at all and 12% of happy feelings on full-time job make up 5% and 23% on part-time job" -> "fewer students report feeling not at all and 12% of students on full-time employment express happiness, compared to 5% and 23% on part-time employment"
Explanation: "Few student" is grammatically incorrect and informal. "Fewer students" is correct, and "report feeling not at all" is more precise than "feel not at all." Also, "express happiness" is clearer than "happy feelings," and the comparison is more formal and structured.
"student always feel comfortable with IT offered on full-time job" -> "students consistently feel comfortable with IT support in full-time employment"
Explanation: "Student always feel" is grammatically incorrect and informal. "Students consistently feel" is grammatically correct and more formal, and "in full-time employment" is more precise than "on full-time job."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4

Explanation: The essay attempts to address the task but does not cover all key features/bullet points. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the main trends in the data. The essay also confuses key features/bullet points with detail. For example, the essay states that "student feelings comfortable with IT support offered on full-time job are an upward trend" but does not provide any data to support this claim. The essay also states that "the feeling of love with IT service always ranks the highest trend in second picture" but does not provide any data to support this claim.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clear overview of the main trends in the data. The essay could also be improved by focusing on the key features/bullet points of the data and avoiding irrelevant details. The essay should also be written in a more formal and academic tone.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0
Explanation: The essay presents information and ideas, but they are not arranged coherently, leading to a lack of clear progression throughout the response. The use of cohesive devices is basic and often inaccurate, resulting in confusion. Additionally, the paragraphing is inconsistent, with some sentences not logically following one another, which further impairs the overall coherence of the essay.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on organizing ideas logically and ensuring a clear progression from one point to the next. Using a wider range of cohesive devices correctly will help connect sentences and paragraphs more effectively. Additionally, improving paragraph structure by ensuring each paragraph has a clear central topic and supporting details will contribute to a more coherent essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While there are attempts to use some less common vocabulary, inaccuracies in word choice and collocation are evident throughout the text. For instance, phrases like "feelings comfortable" and "love feelings" are awkward and do not convey precise meanings. Additionally, there are noticeable errors in spelling and word formation, such as "student" instead of "students" and "not all all" instead of "not at all," which may cause some difficulty for the reader. Overall, the vocabulary used does not effectively enhance the clarity or sophistication of the essay.
How to improve: To improve the Lexical Resource score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary by learning and practicing more varied and precise word choices. They should also pay attention to collocations and common phrases to ensure that their expressions sound natural. Additionally, proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors will help enhance overall clarity and coherence. Engaging with a wider range of reading materials can also help in acquiring a more sophisticated vocabulary.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a very limited range of grammatical structures, with frequent errors that significantly affect clarity and coherence. The use of simple sentences is prevalent, but attempts at more complex structures are often inaccurate. Errors in grammar and punctuation are common, leading to confusion in meaning. For example, phrases like "student feelings comfortable" and "few student feel not at all" are grammatically incorrect and disrupt the flow of the essay. Additionally, the overall organization and clarity of the ideas presented are weak, which further detracts from the effectiveness of the communication.
How to improve: To enhance grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following strategies:

Expand Sentence Variety: Incorporate a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences to demonstrate a wider range of structures.
Practice Subject-Verb Agreement: Ensure that subjects and verbs agree in number and tense (e.g., "students feel" instead of "student feel").
Use Accurate Vocabulary: Improve word choice for clarity (e.g., "students’ feelings" instead of "student feelings").
Review Grammar Rules: Regularly practice grammar exercises to reduce common errors, particularly with articles, prepositions, and punctuation.
Seek Feedback: Engage with peers or instructors to review writing and provide constructive feedback on grammatical accuracy and structure.

Bài sửa mẫu

The pie charts illustrate the results of a survey conducted by a university on the opinions of full-time and part-time students regarding its services.

Overall, it can be seen from the first chart that students’ feelings of comfort with the IT support offered for full-time jobs show an upward trend, while the rate of neutral feelings ranks at the highest level. In addition, the feeling of love for the IT service consistently ranks highest in the second chart, with categories sharing many different levels.

On the one hand, initially, only 15% and 31% of full-time students reported feeling not at all and quite happy with the IT support offered, whereas these figures are three times greater than those for neutral feelings, which grow to 4% for loving feelings. However, the percentage of students expressing interest in the IT support for full-time jobs witnessed a noticeable decrease, falling from 54% to 20%.

On the other hand, 87% of students expressing love for the service in full-time jobs reached an unprecedented level, while this figure is only 72% for part-time jobs. Furthermore, a small number of students reported feeling not at all happy, with 12% of happy feelings for full-time jobs making up 5% and 23% for part-time jobs.

As can be seen from the charts, students consistently feel comfortable with the IT support offered for full-time jobs, while the feelings of students regarding the IT service are equal between full-time and part-time jobs.