The pie charts show the size of classes in primary schools in four states in Australia in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie charts show the size of classes in primary schools in four states in Australia in 2010.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The provided pie charts illustrate the number of students in a class of four categories in four states of Australia in the year 2010.
Overall, it is readily apparent that classes with 21-25 students were the most popular in this country while there were the fewest classes which had over 30 students in this mentioned year.
With regard to classes having from 21 to 25 pupils, over 50% of classes in primary schools in the Australia Capital Territory belonged to this size, followed by Western Australia with 42%, which was higher than in New South Wales and South Australia, at 37% and 33% respectively. In addition, the Australia Capital Territory witnessed 38% of classes having below 20 pupils, which was only 2% higher than in South Australia and 12% higher than in the two remaining areas.
Turning to those classes that have 26-30 students, New South Wales ranked first with 33% while the figure for Western and South Australia was quite equal at around 27% and the lowest proportion was recorded in Australia Capital Territory at only 10%. Besides, only 1% of classes in Australia Capital Territory had over 30 pupils whilst around 4% of that class type in the three remaining states

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Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "The provided pie charts illustrate" -> "The pie charts provided illustrate"
   Explanation: Moving "the provided" to the end of the sentence corrects the grammatical structure, aligning with formal academic style by placing the possessive adjective after the noun it modifies.

2. "classes with 21-25 students" -> "classes comprising 21-25 students"
   Explanation: Replacing "with" with "comprising" provides a more precise and formal term that accurately describes the composition of the classes.

3. "it is readily apparent" -> "it is evident"
   Explanation: "It is evident" is a more concise and academically appropriate phrase than "it is readily apparent," which can sound slightly informal and colloquial.

4. "this country" -> "this nation"
   Explanation: "Nation" is a more formal term than "country" in academic writing, especially when referring to a specific country like Australia.

5. "there were the fewest classes which had over 30 students" -> "the smallest proportion of classes had more than 30 students"
   Explanation: "The smallest proportion of classes had more than 30 students" is more precise and avoids the awkward construction of "there were the fewest classes which had over 30 students."

6. "With regard to classes having from 21 to 25 pupils" -> "Regarding classes with 21-25 pupils"
   Explanation: "Regarding" is a more formal transitional phrase than "With regard to," and "classes with 21-25 pupils" is a more streamlined expression.

7. "over 50%" -> "more than 50%"
   Explanation: "More than" is a more precise and formal way to express a percentage greater than 50% in academic writing.

8. "was only 2% higher than in South Australia" -> "was 2% higher than in South Australia"
   Explanation: Removing "only" improves the formality and precision of the statement, aligning with academic style.

9. "Turning to those classes that have 26-30 students" -> "Moving to classes with 26-30 students"
   Explanation: "Moving to" is a more formal transitional phrase than "Turning to," and "classes with 26-30 students" is more concise and clear.

10. "ranked first" -> "led"
    Explanation: "Led" is a more concise and formal term than "ranked first," which can sound slightly informal in academic writing.

11. "quite equal" -> "approximately equal"
    Explanation: "Approximately equal" is more precise and formal than "quite equal," which is somewhat vague and informal.

12. "the lowest proportion was recorded" -> "the lowest proportion was observed"
    Explanation: "Observed" is a more formal term than "recorded," fitting better in an academic context.

13. "only 1% of classes in Australia Capital Territory had over 30 pupils" -> "only 1% of classes in the Australian Capital Territory had more than 30 pupils"
    Explanation: Correcting "Australia Capital Territory" to "Australian Capital Territory" and changing "had over" to "had more than" enhances the formality and precision of the statement.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay provides a clear overview of the main trends in the data, highlighting the most popular class size and the least popular class size. It also presents key features and bullet points, such as the percentage of classes in each size category for each state. However, the essay could be more fully extended by providing more detailed comparisons between the states. For example, the essay could mention that the percentage of classes with 21-25 students was significantly higher in the Australia Capital Territory than in the other states.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more detailed comparisons between the states. For example, the essay could mention that the percentage of classes with 21-25 students was significantly higher in the Australia Capital Territory than in the other states. The essay could also be improved by using more precise language to describe the trends in the data. For example, instead of saying "over 50% of classes in primary schools in the Australia Capital Territory belonged to this size," the essay could say "the Australia Capital Territory had the highest percentage of classes with 21-25 students, at over 50%."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay logically organizes the information by first providing an overview of the data and then to compare the class sizes in different states. There is a clear progression throughout the essay, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the data. The use of cohesive devices such as "overall", "with regard to", "turning to", and "besides" helps to connect ideas and maintain coherence. The central topic of each paragraph is clearly presented, making it easy for the reader to follow the flow of information.
How to improve: To improve coherence and cohesion, consider using a wider range of cohesive devices and ensuring that they are used consistently throughout the essay. Additionally, pay attention to the logical flow of ideas within and between sentences to enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary with some flexibility and precision. The writer uses less common lexical items such as "witnessed," "proportion," and "ranked," showing some awareness of style and collocation. There are occasional errors in word choice and collocation, such as "belonged to this size" which could be improved to "were of this size." Overall, the vocabulary used is varied and allows for some flexibility in conveying precise meanings.

How to improve: To improve the Lexical Resource score, the writer can focus on using more sophisticated vocabulary and paying closer attention to word choice and collocation. Additionally, proofreading for errors in spelling and word formation can help enhance the overall lexical quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of complex structures, such as using subordinate clauses and comparisons. The majority of sentences are error-free, showcasing good control of grammar and punctuation. There are some minor errors present, but they do not significantly impact communication.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, pay attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and article usage. Additionally, ensure that complex sentences are constructed accurately to enhance clarity and coherence. Proofreading for minor errors can further enhance the overall quality of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided pie charts depict the distribution of students in primary school classes across four states in Australia in 2010.

Overall, it is evident that classes with 21-25 students were the most common, while classes with over 30 students were the least prevalent. In terms of classes with 21-25 students, the Australia Territory had the highest percentage at over 50%, followed by Western Australia at 42%, and then New South Wales and South Australia at 37% and 33% respectively. Additionally, the Australia Capital Territory had 38% of classes with fewer than 20 students, was slightly higher than South Australia by 2% and significantly higher than the other two states.

Moving on to classes with 26-30 students, New South Wales had the highest proportion at 33%, while Western and South Australia had similar percentages at around 27%. The Australia Capital Territory had the lowest percentage at only 10%. Furthermore, only 1% of classes in the Australia Capital Territory had over 30 students, compared to around 4% in the other three states.