The pie charts shows the percentage of global deforestation caused by different activities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparation where relevant.

The pie chart gives information about the percentage of a contributing factor to the loss of forests
Regarding Cattle ranches and Small scale subsistence agriculture, they were dominant threat to global forest, with the former making up 54% and the latter accounting for 33%
Moving on to four remaining factors that were less damaging to forested area. Other consisted of 6%, dobling the figure for Mining , Road construction dams and Logging, which consisted of 3%. Large scale commercial agriculture represemted 1% of the total
In conclusion, Cattle ranches and Small scale subsistence were the main contributors to the causes of deforestation, leaving only 13% of the damage to other factors

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Regarding Cattle ranches and Small scale subsistence agriculture" -> "Regarding cattle ranches and small-scale subsistence agriculture"
Explanation: Capitalization of "Cattle" and "Small" is incorrect; "cattle" should be lowercase and "small-scale" should be hyphenated to form a compound adjective, adhering to standard English grammar rules and enhancing readability.
"dominant threat to global forest" -> "dominant threat to global forests"
Explanation: The term "forest" should be pluralized to "forests" to match the plural context of the data presented in the pie chart.
"the former making up 54%" -> "the former accounting for 54%"
Explanation: "Accounting for" is a more precise and formal expression than "making up," which is somewhat informal and vague in this context.
"the latter accounting for 33%" -> "the latter accounting for 33%"
Explanation: Consistency in verb tense is maintained by using "accounting for" to match the earlier description.
"Moving on to four remaining factors that were less damaging to forested area." -> "Moving on to the remaining factors that were less detrimental to forested areas."
Explanation: "Less damaging" is replaced with "less detrimental" for a more formal tone, and "forest area" is corrected to "forested areas" to maintain consistency in plural form.
"Other consisted of 6%, dobling the figure for Mining, Road construction dams and Logging, which consisted of 3%." -> "Other factors accounted for 6%, doubling the figure for Mining, Road construction, dams, and Logging, which accounted for 3%."
Explanation: "Consisted of" is corrected to "accounted for" to maintain consistency in verb tense. The phrase "dobling the figure" is corrected to "doubling the figure" for spelling accuracy. The list of factors is also corrected to maintain parallel structure and proper punctuation.
"Large scale commercial agriculture represemted 1% of the total" -> "Large-scale commercial agriculture represented 1% of the total"
Explanation: "Represemted" is corrected to "represented" for spelling accuracy, and "Large scale" is hyphenated to form a compound adjective for grammatical correctness.
"In conclusion, Cattle ranches and Small scale subsistence were the main contributors to the causes of deforestation, leaving only 13% of the damage to other factors" -> "In conclusion, cattle ranches and small-scale subsistence agriculture were the primary contributors to the causes of deforestation, leaving only 13% of the damage to other factors"
Explanation: "Main contributors" is replaced with "primary contributors" for a more precise term. "Small scale subsistence" is corrected to "small-scale subsistence agriculture" to include the necessary hyphenation and to specify the type of subsistence agriculture.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main features of the pie chart, highlighting the two most significant causes of deforestation (cattle ranches and small-scale subsistence agriculture). It also mentions the other factors, but the details are not fully extended and some are inaccurate. For example, the essay states that "Other" consists of 6%, which is incorrect.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more accurate details about the other factors, such as the specific percentages for each category. The essay could also be more concise and avoid unnecessary repetition. For example, the phrase "Moving on to four remaining factors that were less damaging to forested area" could be replaced with a more concise statement, such as "The remaining factors accounted for a smaller proportion of deforestation."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates some attempt at organizing ideas, but it lacks coherent progression and clear paragraphing. The introduction attempts to summarize the main features, but the information is presented in a disjointed manner. There are basic attempts at using cohesive devices (e.g., "Regarding", "Moving on to"), but these are inconsistent and sometimes inaccurate ("doubling the figure for Mining"). Paragraphing is inadequate with unclear breaks between ideas.

How to improve:

Organizational Structure: Ensure a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Organize information in a logical sequence that follows the order of the pie chart data.
Cohesive Devices: Use cohesive devices more effectively to connect ideas within and between sentences. Ensure accuracy in the use of transitional phrases and linking words.
Paragraphing: Clearly separate different ideas into paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on one main aspect of the data presented in the pie charts.

By focusing on these improvements, the coherence and cohesion of the essay can be strengthened to achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary appropriate for the task, with some notable errors in spelling and word formation that occasionally hinder readability. The writer attempts to convey the main features of the pie chart, identifying dominant contributors to deforestation such as "Cattle ranches" and "Small scale subsistence agriculture," although there are several instances of awkward phrasing and grammatical errors ("doubling the figure for Mining," "represemted"). The vocabulary used is minimally adequate for communicating the main points, though errors like "dobling" and "represemted" detract from clarity.

How to improve:
To improve the lexical resource score:

Increase Vocabulary Range: Include more varied and precise vocabulary related to deforestation and its causes.
Correct Spelling and Word Formation: Pay closer attention to spelling and word formation to avoid errors that may confuse the reader.
Enhance Clarity: Focus on clearer expression of ideas without grammatical errors to better convey the information presented in the charts.

Improving these areas will help elevate the essay to a higher band score by demonstrating a more varied and accurate use of vocabulary and improving overall coherence and clarity.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a mix of sentence forms, including both simple and complex structures. It tries to present an overview of the information from the pie charts, although the information is somewhat fragmented and lacks clear organization. There are several grammatical errors throughout the essay, such as missing articles ("the percentage of a contributing factor"), incorrect verb forms ("were dominant threat"), and punctuation issues (e.g., missing commas and periods). The attempt to use complex sentences is evident but often results in less accurate expression, impacting clarity and cohesion.

How to improve:

Structure and Organization: Begin with an introduction that clearly outlines the main features being discussed. Organize the body paragraphs to systematically present each category from the pie charts, making clear comparisons where relevant.
Grammar and Sentence Structure: Focus on improving grammatical accuracy by paying attention to verb forms, article usage, and punctuation. Use more varied sentence structures to enhance the essay’s coherence and readability.
Clarity and Cohesion: Ensure that each sentence contributes to the overall clarity of the essay. Avoid overly complex sentences that may lead to confusion. Use linking words appropriately to connect ideas and improve the flow of the essay.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve better clarity and coherence, thereby improving its band score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy criteria.

Bài sửa mẫu

The pie chart illustrates the proportion of global deforestation attributed to various activities. Cattle ranches and Small scale subsistence agriculture were the primary contributors, comprising 54% and 33% respectively. Other activities, namely Mining, Road construction, dams, and Logging, collectively accounted for 3%, while Large scale commercial agriculture represented 1%. The category labeled as Other constituted 6%, which was double the combined total of the latter mentioned activities.