The plan below show a school in 1985 and the school now. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The maps detail how a school has been altered since 1985.
The initial impression from the diagrams is that there have been several changes to the school layout, with the most significant ones being the addition of new functional rooms and the shrinkage of playgrounds.
According to the plans, the school has been situated beside a main road in the North since 1985. Prior to the modification, there was a rectangular car park in the north which was surrounded by a Y-shaped road, with the entrance to the institution to its Northwest and the exit to its Northeast. However, the school has restructured the road and the parking space to the semi-circular shape while leaving the entry and the exit intact and planting some trees to the south of the new road.

Furthermore, the playgrounds in the south have been downsized while a library, a smaller car park and some classrooms to the west have experienced demolition. At present, in this additional space, the school has a learning resource center sharing the same space with a computer room, new classrooms, a pool and a fitness center. Meanwhile, the old two-story classroom blocks have been upgraded into a three-storey one with some new classrooms below, which can accommodate the increase in enrollees from 1500 to 2.300 students over the period. By contrast, the office in the northwest almost remains untouched.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"altered" -> "modified"
Explanation: "Altered" is a common word, but "modified" adds a layer of specificity and sophistication, indicating deliberate changes rather than merely alterations.
"shrinkage" -> "reduction"
Explanation: "Shrinkage" is colloquial and less formal. "Reduction" is a more precise and formal term to describe the decrease in size.
"situated" -> "located"
Explanation: While "situated" is not incorrect, "located" is a more concise and formal alternative, commonly used in formal writing.
"modification" -> "alteration"
Explanation: While "modification" is technically correct, "alteration" is a more precise and formal term in this context, specifically referring to changes made to the school layout.
"restructured" -> "redesigned"
Explanation: "Redesigned" conveys a more intentional and deliberate action than "restructured," providing a clearer picture of the changes made to the road and parking space.
"experienced demolition" -> "underwent demolition"
Explanation: "Experienced demolition" is awkward and passive. "Underwent demolition" is a more concise and active construction, conveying the idea more effectively.
"learning resource center" -> "resource center"
Explanation: "Learning resource center" is slightly redundant. "Resource center" effectively communicates the same idea without unnecessary elaboration.
"enrollees" -> "students"
Explanation: "Enrollees" is less commonly used and might be unclear to some readers. "Students" is a more straightforward and universally understood term.
"almost remains untouched" -> "remains largely unchanged"
Explanation: "Almost remains untouched" is slightly informal. "Remains largely unchanged" maintains formality while expressing the same idea more precisely.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

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Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay effectively covers the requirements of the task by summarizing the main features of the school changes from 1985 to the present. It provides a clear overview of the alterations, including the restructuring of roads and parking, downsizing of playgrounds, demolition of certain buildings, and construction of new facilities. Key features such as the addition of a learning resource center, computer room, new classrooms, pool, and fitness center are highlighted. The essay also compares the changes over time, such as the increase in student enrollment and the minimal alterations to the office in the northwest.
How to improve: To enhance the response and potentially achieve a higher band score, consider providing more detailed descriptions of the changes and their implications. Additionally, ensure that the comparison between the past and present elements is more explicitly stated throughout the essay. Further elaboration on the significance of the modifications could strengthen the overall analysis. Additionally, focusing on the clarity and coherence of the essay’s structure could enhance its effectiveness.
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Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay logically organizes information by providing a clear overview of the changes to the school layout since 1985. There is a progression throughout the essay, starting with the initial impression and then detailing the changes in different areas of the school. The use of cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases ("Furthermore", "According to the plans"), helps connect ideas and maintain coherence. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic, from the modification of roads and parking spaces to the changes in playgrounds and the addition of new facilities. The overall structure of the essay is sufficient and appropriate, with adequate paragraphing.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion further, ensure that cohesive devices are used consistently and appropriately throughout the essay. Additionally, consider varying sentence structures to add complexity and fluidity to the writing. Ensure that paragraphing is consistently logical and that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, avoiding any potential overlap or repetition.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary with some flexibility and precision. The writer uses less common lexical items, such as "restructured," "downsized," "demolition," and "enrollees," with awareness of style and collocation. There is a variety of vocabulary used to describe the changes in the school layout, such as "modification," "restructured," "upsized," and "demolition," which shows an attempt at fluency and precision. Occasional errors in word choice and collocation, like "to the semi-circular shape" (possibly meant to be "into a semi-circular shape") and "in the south have been downsized" (could be "have been reduced in size in the south"), slightly affect the clarity of expression.

How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, strive for more precise and accurate word choice and collocation. Review sentences for clarity and coherence to ensure that the intended meaning is effectively conveyed. Additionally, consider varying sentence structures to further demonstrate language proficiency.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences and varied sentence forms. The majority of sentences are error-free, showcasing good control of grammar and punctuation. However, there are a few minor errors present, such as missing articles ("a library, a smaller car park") and some awkward phrasing ("the school has restructured the road and the parking space to the semi-circular shape"). Despite these minor issues, the overall clarity and coherence of the essay remain strong.

How to improve: To improve, focus on refining sentence structures and ensuring consistency in article usage. Additionally, pay attention to phrasing to avoid awkward constructions. A thorough proofreading session to catch and correct minor errors would enhance the overall fluency and precision of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided diagrams illustrate the transformations undergone by a school from 1985 to the present day.

Initially, it is evident that notable alterations have been made to the school layout, primarily involving the introduction of new functional spaces and the reduction of playground areas.

In 1985, the school was positioned adjacent to a main road in the North. The original layout featured a rectangular car park to the north, encircled by a Y-shaped road, with the school entrance located in the Northwest and the exit in the Northeast. Subsequently, the school reconfigured the road and parking area into a semi-circular shape, while retaining the entrance and exit points, and added trees to the south of the revised road.

Moreover, the playgrounds in the southern region have been diminished in size, accompanied by the demolition of a library, a smaller car park, and several classrooms to the west. Presently, this vacated space accommodates a learning resource center coexisting with a computer room, new classrooms, a swimming pool, and a fitness center. Additionally, the original two-story classroom blocks have been renovated into a three-story structure, with new classrooms added below, facilitating the increased student population from 1,500 to 2,300 over the given period. Conversely, the office in the northwest quadrant remains largely unchanged.