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the plan below show a school in 1985 and the school now. summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

the plan below show a school in 1985 and the school now.
summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The two plans illustrate how the layout of a school changed over the period between 1985 and the present.

Overall, the school experienced a host of significant alterations to accommodate with the increasing number of students, including the educational amenities, the sport facilities and the transportation systems. Additionnally, the most prominent changes are the diminution of the playing fields and the restructure of the car park.

In 1985, there were 1500 students engaged in the school. In the north portion of the side, students can access to the school campus via an entrance and exit points. Plus, a car park not also was located on the central position of the door system of school, but also was surrounded by road systems, leading to the playing field situated in the southest area. While the west of the school was housed a cluster amenities, involving a classroom building, a library, an office and a small car park, only one classroom blocks with two storeys was positioned in the east.

At the present, the number of students has risen significantly to 2300. While the entrance and exit areas remain unchanged, the car park has been reshaped from a rectangular into a semicircle, which entails an unsignificant change of the road systems. To be specific, certain trees has been planted to replace the road in the center of the campus. Moreover, the playing fields have been narrowed with half surface compared to this initial large to make way for the mushrooming of two classroom buildings and a sport complex (pool, fitness centre). In the west of the side, only the office stays unchanged, although the library office has been diminished and has been converted into the learning resources centre and the computer room for students in the learning process at school. There are an addition of one storey entailing the initial block in the east of the campus to turn into the classroom block with three storeys.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "the school experienced a host of significant alterations" -> "the school underwent significant alterations"
    Explanation: The phrase "experienced a host of" is informal. "Underwent" is a more formal and precise term to describe changes.

  2. "to accommodate with the increasing number of students" -> "to accommodate the growing student population"
    Explanation: "Accommodate with" is awkward; "accommodate" alone suffices. Also, replacing "increasing number of students" with "growing student population" is more precise.

  3. "educational amenities, the sport facilities" -> "educational facilities and sports amenities"
    Explanation: Using "amenities" is a bit informal. Replacing it with "facilities" and reversing the order for better parallelism enhances formality.

  4. "Additionnally" -> "Additionally"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling to "Additionally" adheres to formal writing standards.

  5. "diminution of the playing fields" -> "reduction of the playing fields"
    Explanation: "Diminution" is somewhat archaic; replacing it with "reduction" maintains formality.

  6. "the restructure of the car park" -> "the restructuring of the car park"
    Explanation: "Restructure" should be in the gerund form "restructuring" to fit grammatically with "the" and maintain formality.

  7. "engaged in the school" -> "enrolled in the school"
    Explanation: "Engaged" is not the most suitable term here; "enrolled" is more specific and formal.

  8. "students can access to the school campus" -> "students can access the school campus"
    Explanation: "Access to" is redundant; removing "to" makes the sentence more concise.

  9. "Plus" -> "In addition"
    Explanation: "Plus" is informal; replacing it with "In addition" maintains formality.

  10. "not also was located" -> "was not only located"
    Explanation: Correcting the word order for clarity and formality.

  11. "side, students can access to the school campus" -> "side; students can access the school campus"
    Explanation: Adding a semicolon for proper punctuation in separating related but independent clauses.

  12. "southest area" -> "southeastern area"
    Explanation: "Southest" is not a word; replacing it with "southeastern" is more precise and formal.

  13. "housed a cluster amenities" -> "housed a cluster of amenities"
    Explanation: Adding "of" for proper phrasing and formality.

  14. "only one classroom blocks with two storeys" -> "only one classroom block with two storeys"
    Explanation: Correcting the plural form "blocks" to the singular "block."

  15. "the entrance and exit areas remain unchanged" -> "the entrance and exit areas have remained unchanged"
    Explanation: Adding "have" for proper tense and formality.

  16. "reshaped from a rectangular into a semicircle" -> "reshaped from a rectangle into a semicircle"
    Explanation: Correcting the phrasing for accuracy.

  17. "unsignificant change" -> "insignificant change"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling to "insignificant" for accuracy.

  18. "certain trees has been planted" -> "certain trees have been planted"
    Explanation: Correcting the verb form to "have been" for subject-verb agreement.

  19. "initial large" -> "initially large"
    Explanation: Adding "-ly" for proper adverb formation.

  20. "mushrooming of two classroom buildings" -> "addition of two classroom buildings"
    Explanation: "Mushrooming" is informal; replacing it with "addition" maintains formality.

  21. "office stays unchanged" -> "office remains unchanged"
    Explanation: Using "remains" instead of "stays" for more formality.

  22. "has been diminished and has been converted" -> "has been diminished and converted"
    Explanation: "Has been" is repeated unnecessarily; removing one instance maintains conciseness.

  23. "the learning resources centre" -> "the learning resources center"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling to "center" for consistency.

  24. "There are an addition of one storey" -> "An additional storey has been added"
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay does a commendable job in summarizing the information presented in the plans. It covers the main features of the school in both 1985 and the present, highlighting changes in student numbers, layout, and facilities. The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay around the temporal comparison. However, it could delve deeper into specific aspects, such as the transportation systems, and provide more nuanced comparisons.
    • How to improve: To enhance this aspect, consider providing more details on the transportation systems and offering more nuanced comparisons between the two time periods. Exploring how these changes impact the overall dynamics of the school environment would contribute to a more comprehensive response.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent position throughout, presenting an overview of the changes in the school’s layout and facilities over time. The stance is evident in sentences like "the most prominent changes are the diminution of the playing fields and the restructure of the car park."
    • How to improve: To further improve clarity, ensure that the position is explicitly stated in the introduction. A clear thesis statement would strengthen the essay’s coherence and guide the reader through the content.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports ideas, offering specific details about the changes in student numbers, facilities, and layout. Examples include the reshaping of the car park and the transformation of the library into a learning resources center.
    • How to improve: To enhance this aspect, consider providing more elaboration on the implications of these changes. How do alterations in facilities impact the students’ learning experience or the overall functionality of the school? Adding depth to these discussions would elevate the essay’s analysis.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the changes in the school’s layout and facilities. However, there are instances where details such as the classroom block in the east and the office in the west are discussed without a clear connection to the overall theme of layout changes.
    • How to improve: To maintain a sharper focus, ensure that all details provided contribute directly to the comparison of the school in 1985 and the present. If specific buildings or areas are mentioned, tie them explicitly to the broader theme of layout alterations.

In conclusion, while the essay effectively addresses the main features and provides a clear overview of the changes in the school, it can benefit from deeper analysis, more explicit positioning, and a sharper focus on the topic throughout.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of logical organization. It effectively introduces the main features of the school in both 1985 and the present and provides a clear overview of the changes. However, the organization could be improved by presenting the information in a more structured manner. For instance, the mention of alterations due to increased student numbers could be consolidated into a single paragraph for better coherence.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider grouping related information together. For example, dedicate one paragraph to changes related to increased student numbers, another for alterations in the car park, and so on. This will create a smoother progression of ideas.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs but could benefit from more effective structuring. While there is an attempt to separate information into paragraphs, some are overly long, making it challenging for the reader to follow the progression of ideas. Additionally, the transitions between paragraphs could be smoother.
    • How to improve: Aim for shorter paragraphs, each focusing on a specific aspect of the comparison. This will facilitate readability and comprehension. Also, ensure that there is a clear transition between paragraphs to guide the reader through the logical flow of information.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases (e.g., "overall," "additionally," "moreover"). However, the variety and effectiveness of cohesive devices could be improved to enhance the overall coherence. Additionally, there are instances where pronouns are used ambiguously, causing some confusion.
    • How to improve: Increase the variety of cohesive devices, including synonyms for commonly used ones. Pay attention to the use of pronouns to ensure clarity – replace ambiguous pronouns with specific nouns when needed. This will contribute to a more cohesive and easily comprehensible essay.

In summary, while the essay successfully communicates the changes in the school layout, enhancing logical organization, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will contribute to a more polished and coherent response.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There is an attempt to use varied terms related to school facilities and changes, such as "educational amenities," "sport facilities," "diminution," "restructure," "cluster amenities," and "mushrooming." However, some vocabulary choices lack precision and could be improved for a higher score.

    • How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating more specialized terms and expressions. For instance, instead of "significant alterations," specific changes like "expansion," "renovation," or "modernization" could be used. Additionally, explore more precise words to describe the reshaping of the car park, playing fields, and other elements.

  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally uses vocabulary precisely, such as "semicircle," "entrance and exit areas," and "unsignificant change." However, there are instances where imprecise terms or awkward phrasing is observed, like "diminution," "mushrooming," and "unsignificant change."

    • How to improve: Aim for accuracy and clarity in word choice. Replace imprecise terms with more exact ones. For example, instead of "diminution," consider using "reduction" or "shrinking." Replace "mushrooming" with a clearer term like "expansion" or "growth." Additionally, avoid using double negatives, as in "unsignificant change," and opt for positive expressions like "minor change" or "insignificant alteration."

  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is generally maintained at a satisfactory level, but there are noticeable errors throughout the essay. Examples include "Additionnally," "southest," "rectangular," "unsignificant," and others.

    • How to improve: Careful proofreading is essential to correct spelling errors. Consider using spelling and grammar tools to identify and rectify mistakes. Pay attention to common issues like incorrect word forms (e.g., "southest" instead of "southeast"), and be mindful of double letters, such as in "Additionnally," where one "n" is sufficient. Developing a habit of proofreading systematically can significantly improve overall spelling accuracy.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. Different sentence lengths contribute to a generally coherent flow. However, there is room for improvement in the use of more complex sentence structures, such as incorporating relative clauses and varied sentence openers.
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical range, consider integrating relative clauses to provide additional information within sentences. Vary sentence openers by using introductory phrases or clauses. For example, instead of starting most sentences with the subject, experiment with different structures to create a more engaging and varied composition.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: While the essay demonstrates a reasonable level of grammatical accuracy, there are instances of grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For instance, there are frequent errors in subject-verb agreement (e.g., "Additionnally," should be "Additionally," and "certain trees has been planted" should be "certain trees have been planted"). Punctuation issues include the misuse of commas, affecting sentence clarity.
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and ensure that verbs match the correct subjects. Work on refining comma usage for better clarity and coherence. Consider proofreading the essay carefully to identify and correct punctuation errors. Additionally, consider seeking feedback from peers or instructors to catch errors that might be overlooked.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a commendable level of grammatical range and accuracy, earning a Band Score of 7. To improve, focus on incorporating more complex sentence structures, paying attention to subject-verb agreement, and refining punctuation skills. Regular practice and thorough proofreading can contribute to achieving an even higher score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided plans showcase the transformation of a school layout from 1985 to the present.

In general, the school underwent significant alterations to accommodate the growing student population, affecting educational facilities, sports amenities, and transportation systems. Notably, there was a reduction in playing fields and a restructuring of the car park.

In 1985, the school enrolled 1500 students. Students could access the campus from the northern side through entrance and exit points. The central location of the car park, surrounded by road systems leading to the playing field in the southeastern area, was a key feature. The western part housed various amenities, including a classroom building, a library, an office, and a small car park. Meanwhile, only one two-storey classroom block was situated in the east.

Presently, the student population has increased to 2300. Although the entrance and exit areas remain unchanged, the car park has been reshaped from a rectangle into a semicircle, with some minor adjustments to the road systems. Notably, certain trees have been planted, replacing a section of the central road on campus. Additionally, the playing fields have been reduced by half to make room for two new classroom buildings and a sports complex (including a pool and fitness center). In the west, only the office has remained unchanged, as the library has been diminished and converted into a learning resources center and a computer room. An extra storey has been added to the initial east block, transforming it into a three-storey classroom block.

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