The plans below show a habour in 2000 and how it looks today.

The maps illustrate the different between the Porth Harbour in 2000 and today.

Overall, there are several changes and new builds such as Hotel, docks, cafes and shops… these change lead to the improvement in attracting tourists and increasing profit.

First of all, in the West side, in 2000 there were 2 car parks but only one have the directly entrance, the other have to go in the road to reach the second car park. But today they have seen the inconvinience so they deciced to make a new path go directly in both car park and they built an another showers and toilets near the west-south car park. Back then Marina (private yatchs) was on the North side and the Fishing boats was at the bottom. Seems like they have thought they need to space for Marina so it swapped with the Fishing boats. In 2000, there were only a dock which can only have 2 passenger ferries, to attract more tourist they have built a new dock, so now they can have 3 passenger ferries which can avoid the crowded situation. Porth Harbour in 2000 was known as a place for marine and fisher, since they deciced to make this place become a tourist attraction, they have destroyed the Castle which is disused to build a Hotel for tourist, the beach at the bottom used to be public for everyone but now it can only be use by the tourist living at the Hotel, building a Hotel coupled with construct the new Cafes and Shops near the Lifeboat to provide convinient for tourist.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The maps illustrate the different between the Porth Harbour in 2000 and today." -> "The maps illustrate the differences between Porth Harbour in 2000 and today."
Explanation: Correcting "different" to "differences" fixes the grammatical error and aligns with the plural subject "maps."
"such as Hotel, docks, cafes and shops…" -> "such as hotels, docks, cafes, and shops"
Explanation: Capitalizing "Hotel" and adding commas after "cafes" and "shops" improves readability and adheres to standard punctuation rules.
"these change lead to the improvement in attracting tourists and increasing profit." -> "these changes lead to improvements in attracting tourists and increasing profits."
Explanation: Changing "these change" to "these changes" corrects the subject-verb agreement, and replacing "profit" with "profits" matches the plural form of "increasing."
"First of all, in the West side, in 2000 there were 2 car parks but only one have the directly entrance, the other have to go in the road to reach the second car park." -> "Initially, in the West side in 2000, there were two car parks, with only one having a direct entrance, while the other required access via the road to reach the second car park."
Explanation: Revising for clarity and formality, this version corrects grammatical errors and improves sentence structure.
"they deciced" -> "they decided"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling error from "deciced" to "decided" ensures accuracy.
"inconvinience" -> "inconvenience"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling error from "inconvinience" to "inconvenience" fixes a basic typo.
"they built an another showers and toilets" -> "they built another shower and toilet facilities"
Explanation: Correcting "an another" to "another" and changing "showers and toilets" to "shower and toilet facilities" improves grammatical accuracy and formality.
"Marina (private yatchs)" -> "Marina (private yachts)"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling error from "yatchs" to "yachts" fixes a basic typo.
"the Fishing boats was at the bottom" -> "the fishing boats were at the bottom"
Explanation: Correcting "was" to "were" aligns with the plural subject "boats."
"they need to space for Marina" -> "they needed space for the Marina"
Explanation: Changing "need" to "needed" corrects the tense, and adding "the" before "Marina" clarifies the possessive.
"they deciced to make this place become a tourist attraction" -> "they decided to transform this place into a tourist attraction"
Explanation: Correcting "deciced" to "decided" and changing "become" to "into" improves the formality and clarity of the sentence.
"they have destroyed the Castle" -> "they demolished the Castle"
Explanation: Replacing "destroyed" with "demolished" provides a more precise verb suitable for formal writing.
"the beach at the bottom used to be public for everyone but now it can only be use by the tourist living at the Hotel" -> "the beach at the bottom, previously open to the public, is now restricted to hotel guests"
Explanation: This revision clarifies the meaning and improves the formality of the statement.
"building a Hotel coupled with construct the new Cafes and Shops near the Lifeboat" -> "the construction of a hotel, accompanied by the establishment of new cafes and shops near the lifeboat"
Explanation: Changing "building a Hotel" to "construction of a hotel" and "construct the new Cafes and Shops" to "establishment of new cafes and shops" enhances formality and clarity.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay provides a general overview of the changes, but it does not present a clear overview of the main trends or differences. The essay also presents some key features/bullet points, but it inadequately covers them. For example, the essay mentions that the Marina and Fishing boats have swapped places, but it does not explain why this happened or what the implications of this change are. The essay also mentions that a new dock has been built to accommodate more passenger ferries, but it does not provide any specific details about the dock or the ferries.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends and differences between the two maps. The essay could also be improved by providing more specific details about the key features/bullet points. For example, the essay could explain why the Marina and Fishing boats have swapped places, and it could provide more details about the new dock and the passenger ferries. The essay could also be improved by using more accurate and appropriate language. For example, the essay uses the word "inconvinience" instead of "inconvenience." The essay also uses the word "deciced" instead of "decided."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a lack of overall progression. While the writer attempts to use cohesive devices, their use is often inadequate or inaccurate. The essay contains repetitive phrasing and lacks effective referencing and substitution. Paragraphing is present but is not always logical or clear, leading to some confusion in the flow of ideas.

How to improve:

Enhance Cohesion: Use a wider range of cohesive devices accurately to link ideas and sentences more effectively. Avoid overusing certain phrases and ensure that each cohesive device serves a clear purpose.
Improve Paragraphing: Organize the essay into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific aspect of the changes in the harbor. This will help in presenting a clear central topic within each paragraph and improve the logical flow of information.
Clear Referencing: Use pronouns and other referencing techniques to avoid repetition and make the text more engaging. For example, instead of repeating "they" and "it," specify who or what is being referred to.
Logical Progression: Ensure that the essay follows a logical sequence, with each paragraph building on the previous one. This will help in creating a clear overall progression and make the essay easier to follow.
Proofreading: Pay attention to spelling and grammatical errors, such as "inconvinience" (inconvenience), "deciced" (decided), and "convinient" (convenient). These errors can distract the reader and detract from the overall coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to describe the changes in Porth Harbour, the vocabulary used is often basic and repetitive. There are noticeable errors in spelling and word formation, such as "inconvinience," "deciced," "yatchs," and "convinient," which may cause some difficulty for the reader. Additionally, the use of phrases like "these change lead to the improvement" lacks grammatical accuracy and precision, further affecting clarity. Overall, the lexical resource is insufficient to convey the intended meaning effectively.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, including less common lexical items, to convey precise meanings. They should also focus on improving spelling and word formation accuracy. Practicing the use of synonyms and varying sentence structures can help avoid repetition and enhance the overall quality of the essay. Additionally, reviewing grammatical rules related to subject-verb agreement and tense consistency will improve clarity and coherence.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, with attempts at complex sentences that are often inaccurate. There are frequent grammatical errors, particularly in subject-verb agreement and sentence construction, which can cause some difficulty for the reader. For instance, phrases like "the other have to go in the road" and "they have built an another showers" indicate issues with plurality and article usage. Additionally, punctuation is faulty, with run-on sentences and improper use of commas. Overall, while the main ideas are communicated, the grammatical inaccuracies detract from the clarity and coherence of the essay.
How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following:

Subject-Verb Agreement: Ensure that subjects and verbs agree in number (e.g., "the other has to go" instead of "the other have to go").
Article Usage: Use articles correctly (e.g., "an additional shower" instead of "an another showers").
Sentence Structure: Practice constructing a variety of sentence types, including complex sentences, while ensuring they are grammatically correct.
Punctuation: Review punctuation rules to avoid run-on sentences and ensure clarity in writing.
Proofreading: Take time to proofread the essay for errors before submission, focusing on common grammatical mistakes.

Bài sửa mẫu

The maps illustrate the differences between Porth Harbour in 2000 and its current state.

Overall, there are several changes and new constructions, such as a hotel, docks, cafes, and shops. These changes have led to improvements in attracting tourists and increasing profits.

First of all, on the west side, in 2000, there were two car parks, but only one had direct access; the other required drivers to go along the road to reach it. However, today the inconvenience has been addressed by creating a new path that provides direct access to both car parks. Additionally, they have built another set of showers and toilets near the southwest car park. Back then, the marina (for private yachts) was located on the north side, and the fishing boats were at the bottom. It seems they recognized the need for more space for the marina, so it was swapped with the fishing boats. In 2000, there was only one dock, which could accommodate only two passenger ferries. To attract more tourists, a new dock has been constructed, allowing for three passenger ferries, which helps to alleviate overcrowding. Porth Harbour in 2000 was known as a place for marine activities and fishing. Since they decided to transform this area into a tourist attraction, they have demolished the disused castle to build a hotel for tourists. The beach at the bottom, which used to be public for everyone, is now accessible only to tourists staying at the hotel. The construction of the hotel, along with the new cafes and shops near the lifeboat, provides convenience for tourists.