The plans below show a habour in 2000 and how it looks today. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparision where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The plans below show a habour in 2000 and how it looks today.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparision where relevant.

Write at least 150 words.

The given maps illustrate the remarkable development of Porth Harbour between the year of 2000 and now. Overall, it can be seen that there are many changes in the whole period, which most of them located at the Southern of the map, and more service facilities were built.

Looking at the maps in more detail, the disused castle in 2000, has been replaced by a new hotel to accommodate visitors, and there was also a new pathway lead to this. Moreover, the old public beach has been transferred to the private one, just only for hotel customers. Beside, there have been new cafe and shops were built near the lifeboat, and the fishing boats next to it has been replaced by a new marina for private yachts. At the same time, there has been new showers and toilets, were built for visitors next to the marina.

While in the Northern part, a new dock has been developed next to the old one, for passenger ferries to dock. and the old marina also has been replaced by new fishing boats area. Car parks, Northern public beach and showers area, however, remain unchanged.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"remarkable development" -> "significant development"
Explanation: "Remarkable" can imply a sense of surprise or astonishment which may not be suitable in an academic context. "Significant" is more neutral and appropriate for describing changes in a formal essay.
"the year of 2000" -> "the year 2000"
Explanation: The phrase "the year of" is redundant and less formal. "The year 2000" is concise and more suitable for academic writing.
"most of them located at the Southern" -> "most of these changes are located in the southern"
Explanation: "Them" is vague and incorrect in this context. "These changes" clearly refers to the developments mentioned earlier in the text, and "in the southern" is grammatically correct.
"more service facilities were built" -> "additional service facilities were constructed"
Explanation: "More" is vague and could refer to quantity or quality. "Additional" specifies that these are new facilities, and "constructed" is a more precise verb than "built" in this context.
"the disused castle" -> "the abandoned castle"
Explanation: "Disused" typically implies something is no longer in use but not necessarily abandoned. "Abandoned" more accurately describes the state of the castle in 2000.
"a new pathway lead to this" -> "a new pathway leads to this"
Explanation: "Lead" should be "leads" to agree with the singular subject "pathway."
"just only for hotel customers" -> "exclusively for hotel guests"
Explanation: "Just only" is redundant and informal. "Exclusively" is more precise and formal, and "guests" is a more appropriate term than "customers" in this context.
"Beside, there have been new cafe and shops were built" -> "Additionally, new cafes and shops have been built"
Explanation: "Beside" is incorrect in this context; "Additionally" is the correct transitional phrase. "Cafe" should be pluralized to "cafes," and "were" should be "have been" for correct verb tense agreement.
"the fishing boats next to it has been replaced" -> "the fishing boats adjacent to it have been replaced"
Explanation: "Next to it" is informal and vague. "Adjacent to it" is more precise and formal. "Has" should be "have" to agree with the plural subject "boats."
"at the same time, there has been new showers and toilets, were built" -> "simultaneously, new showers and toilets have been built"
Explanation: "At the same time" is informal and imprecise. "Simultaneously" is more formal and suitable for academic writing. "There has been" should be "there have been" for subject-verb agreement, and "were" should be "have been" for consistency in tense.
"a new dock has been developed" -> "a new dock has been constructed"
Explanation: "Developed" can imply a broader process, whereas "constructed" specifically refers to the building of the dock, which is more precise in this context.
"for passenger ferries to dock" -> "for passenger ferries docking"
Explanation: "To dock" is unnecessary as it is implied by the context of a dock. "Docking" is a more concise and formal alternative.
"the old marina also has been replaced" -> "the old marina was also replaced"
Explanation: "Has been" should be "was" to match the past tense of the verb "replaced," which is used in the past perfect tense to describe completed actions before another action in the past.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main changes in the harbour, but it does not fully satisfy all the requirements of the task. The essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages. It also does not adequately highlight all the key features/bullet points. For example, the essay does not mention that the public beach has been replaced by a private beach for hotel customers.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main changes in the harbour. The essay could also be improved by highlighting all the key features/bullet points. For example, the essay could mention that the public beach has been replaced by a private beach for hotel customers. The essay could also be improved by providing more specific details about the changes. For example, the essay could mention that the new hotel has been built on the site of the disused castle.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a lack of overall progression. While it attempts to describe the changes in Porth Harbour, the structure is somewhat disjointed, making it difficult for the reader to follow the flow of ideas. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and occasionally inaccurate, leading to confusion in some sentences. For example, phrases like "just only for hotel customers" and "there have been new cafe and shops were built" contain grammatical errors that hinder clarity. Additionally, the paragraphing is not well-defined, with ideas blending together rather than being clearly separated into distinct sections.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on organizing ideas more logically, ensuring each paragraph has a clear central topic. Improving the use of cohesive devices, such as conjunctions and referencing, will help create smoother transitions between ideas. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical accuracy and clarity will strengthen the overall presentation of the essay. Finally, establishing a more structured approach to paragraphing will aid in guiding the reader through the information more effectively.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, using terms such as "remarkable development," "accommodate," and "transferred." However, there are instances of inaccuracy in word choice and collocation, such as "the whole period, which most of them located at the Southern of the map," which is awkwardly phrased. Additionally, there are errors in spelling and word formation, such as "Beside" instead of "Besides" and "has been replaced by a new marina for private yachts" where "has been" should be "have been." These errors do not severely impede communication but do detract from the overall clarity and precision of the writing.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary with greater precision. This includes practicing the correct use of collocations and ensuring that word forms are accurate. Additionally, incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary and varying sentence structures can help convey ideas more fluently. Proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors before submission would also be beneficial.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. While there are some good attempts at complex structures, there are noticeable grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that occasionally hinder clarity. For instance, phrases like "the disused castle in 2000, has been replaced" and "there have been new cafe and shops were built" contain grammatical inaccuracies. Additionally, punctuation errors, such as the comma before "has been replaced," detract from the overall quality of the writing. Despite these issues, the meaning is generally clear, and the essay communicates the main features of the maps effectively.

How to improve:

Focus on Sentence Structure: Aim to use a variety of complex sentence structures while ensuring grammatical accuracy. Practice combining sentences and using subordinate clauses correctly.
Grammar and Punctuation: Review grammar rules, particularly concerning verb forms and sentence fragments. Ensure that punctuation is used correctly to enhance clarity.
Proofreading: After writing, take time to proofread the essay for any grammatical or punctuation errors. This can help catch mistakes that may distort meaning.
Expand Vocabulary: Use a wider range of vocabulary to express ideas more precisely and avoid repetition, which can enhance the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The given maps illustrate the remarkable development of Porth Harbour between the year 2000 and now. Overall, it can be seen that there have been many changes over this period, most of which are located in the southern part of the map, where more service facilities have been built.

Looking at the maps in more detail, the disused castle in 2000 has been replaced by a new hotel to accommodate visitors, and a new pathway has been constructed leading to it. Moreover, the old public beach has been converted into a private one, exclusively for hotel customers. Additionally, new cafes and shops have been built near the lifeboat, and the fishing boats next to it have been replaced by a new marina for private yachts. At the same time, new showers and toilets have been constructed for visitors next to the marina.

In the northern part, a new dock has been developed next to the old one for passenger ferries to dock, and the old marina has also been replaced by a new area for fishing boats. However, the car parks, northern public beach, and shower area remain unchanged.