The plans below show a harbor in 2000 and how it looks today. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The plans below show a harbor in 2000 and how it looks today.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The map illustrates the change in a harbor in 2000 and the present day.
Overall, the harbor witnessed a radical change, the most noticeable being the replacement and erection of the port side.
At first glance, the main road in the western part remained unchanged, and the car parks were kept in place, too. However, they built the showers and toilets that are halfway between the current two car parks. In 2000, the private yacht called Marina was constructed at the top of North West, on the right of old showers and toilets near the main street. The fishing boat was built at the bottom of the Marina. Nowadays, they are swapped positions. Meanwhile, the access road near the car park in the southwest has been demolished at this time, and it is just connected to the main road.
In terms of the Eastern Map, there are many new erections on this side. In particular, some docks have been added to Porth Harbor. Not only that, some shops and coffee are erected in the southeast next to the lifeboat to easily serve tourist's needs effectively. Besides that, the road on this side is developed more and connects with the hotel, before becoming the hotel for people to stay, it was an abandoned castle. Therefore, people decided to replace this castle by a new hotel and the public beach also became the private beach for the hotel, and this caster to tourists.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"the map illustrates" -> "the diagram depicts"
Explanation: "Diagram" is a more precise term than "map" in this context, as it specifically refers to a graphical representation of information, which is more accurate for describing the illustration of changes over time.
"radical change" -> "significant transformation"
Explanation: "Radical change" can imply a sudden and extreme change, which might not be the intended meaning here. "Significant transformation" suggests a substantial change that is more appropriate for academic writing.
"the most noticeable being the replacement and erection" -> "the most striking aspect being the replacement and construction"
Explanation: "Erection" is typically used in a different context and can be considered inappropriate here. "Construction" is more appropriate and formal, fitting the academic style better.
"At first glance" -> "Upon initial inspection"
Explanation: "At first glance" is a colloquial expression. "Upon initial inspection" is more formal and suitable for academic writing.
"they built the showers and toilets" -> "the showers and toilets were constructed"
Explanation: "They built" is somewhat informal and vague. "The showers and toilets were constructed" is more precise and formal.
"private yacht called Marina" -> "private yacht, Marina"
Explanation: Removing the article "the" before "private yacht" corrects the grammatical error and maintains the formal tone.
"the fishing boat was built at the bottom of the Marina" -> "the fishing boat was situated at the Marina’s base"
Explanation: "Situated at the Marina’s base" is more precise and formal, avoiding the colloquial tone of "built at the bottom."
"they are swapped positions" -> "they have been rearranged"
Explanation: "Swapped positions" is informal and vague. "Have been rearranged" is more specific and formal.
"the access road near the car park in the southwest has been demolished" -> "the access road adjacent to the southwestern car park has been removed"
Explanation: "Adjacent to the southwestern car park" clarifies the location more precisely, and "removed" is a more formal term than "demolished" in this context.
"some shops and coffee are erected" -> "shops and cafes have been constructed"
Explanation: "Erected" is typically used for buildings, not businesses. "Have been constructed" is more appropriate for describing the establishment of shops and cafes.
"to easily serve tourist’s needs effectively" -> "to efficiently meet the needs of tourists"
Explanation: "To easily serve tourist’s needs effectively" is awkward and grammatically incorrect. "To efficiently meet the needs of tourists" is grammatically correct and maintains a formal tone.
"the road on this side is developed more and connects with the hotel" -> "the road on this side has been expanded and now connects with the hotel"
Explanation: "Has been expanded" is more precise and formal than "is developed more," and "now connects" clarifies the current state of the connection.
"before becoming the hotel for people to stay, it was an abandoned castle" -> "prior to its conversion into a hotel, the site was an abandoned castle"
Explanation: "Prior to its conversion into a hotel" is more formal and precise than "before becoming the hotel for people to stay," which is informal and vague.
"people decided to replace this castle by a new hotel" -> "it was decided to replace the castle with a new hotel"
Explanation: "It was decided" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing than "people decided," and "with" is the correct preposition to use in this context.
"the public beach also became the private beach for the hotel" -> "the public beach was converted into a private beach for hotel guests"
Explanation: "Was converted into" is more formal and specific than "became," and "for hotel guests" clarifies the intended use of the private beach.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the changes in the harbor, but it does not fully satisfy all the requirements of the task. The essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages. It also does not adequately highlight all the key features/bullet points. For example, the essay does not mention the addition of a dock for passenger ferries.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the changes in the harbor. The essay could also be improved by highlighting all the key features/bullet points. For example, the essay could mention the addition of a dock for passenger ferries. The essay could also be improved by providing more specific details about the changes. For example, the essay could mention the number of shops and cafes that have been added to the harbor.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information about the changes in the harbor but lacks a clear overall progression. While there are some attempts to organize the information, they are not always effective, leading to a somewhat disjointed narrative. The use of cohesive devices is present but often inadequate or repetitive, which detracts from the clarity of the essay. Additionally, the paragraphing is inconsistent, with some ideas not clearly separated into distinct paragraphs, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on organizing ideas more logically and ensuring a clear progression throughout the essay. This can be achieved by using a wider range of cohesive devices appropriately and avoiding repetition. Additionally, improving paragraph structure by clearly defining the main idea of each paragraph and ensuring that related information is grouped together will help the reader follow the changes in the harbor more easily.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to describe the changes in the harbor, the vocabulary used is basic and repetitive, lacking sophistication and variety. There are noticeable errors in word choice, such as "the private yacht called Marina was constructed" which could be phrased more clearly, and "the public beach also became the private beach for the hotel" which lacks clarity. Additionally, there are spelling and grammatical errors that may cause some difficulty for the reader, such as "this caster to tourists," which appears to be a typographical error. Overall, while the essay communicates the main features, the lexical resource is insufficient for a higher band score.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, including less common lexical items, and ensure that word choices are precise and appropriate for the context. Practicing synonyms and varying sentence structures can help avoid repetition. Additionally, careful proofreading to eliminate spelling and grammatical errors will improve clarity and coherence. Engaging with more complex texts can also help in developing a more sophisticated vocabulary.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily using simple sentences with some attempts at complex forms. While there are some accurate structures, frequent grammatical errors are present, including issues with subject-verb agreement, incorrect verb forms, and awkward phrasing that can cause confusion for the reader. For example, phrases like "the access road near the car park in the southwest has been demolished at this time" and "this caster to tourists" reflect inaccuracies that detract from clarity. Overall, while the essay conveys some information about the changes in the harbor, the grammatical inaccuracies hinder effective communication.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following strategies:

Expand Sentence Variety: Incorporate a broader range of complex sentence structures, ensuring that they are grammatically correct.
Proofreading: Carefully review the essay for grammatical errors, particularly in verb tense and subject-verb agreement.
Practice: Engage in exercises that focus on common grammatical structures and their correct usage, such as relative clauses and conditional sentences.
Seek Feedback: Obtain feedback from peers or instructors to identify recurring errors and areas for improvement.

Bài sửa mẫu

The map illustrates the changes in a harbor from 2000 to the present day. Overall, the harbor has undergone a significant transformation, with the most noticeable alterations occurring on the port side.

At first glance, the main road in the western part remains unchanged, and the car parks have also been retained. However, showers and toilets have been constructed midway between the two current car parks. In 2000, a private yacht marina was located in the northwest, adjacent to the old showers and toilets near the main street. The fishing boat was situated at the bottom of the marina. Nowadays, these two features have swapped positions. Meanwhile, the access road near the car park in the southwest has been removed, and it is now solely connected to the main road.

In terms of the eastern side of the harbor, several new structures have been added. In particular, additional docks have been constructed at Porth Harbor. Furthermore, shops and a café have been established in the southeast next to the lifeboat, effectively catering to tourists’ needs. Additionally, the road on this side has been further developed and now connects to a hotel. Before this transformation, the site was occupied by an abandoned castle. Consequently, the castle was replaced by a new hotel, and the public beach has now become a private beach for hotel guests, enhancing its appeal to tourists.