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The plans below show a harbour in 2000 and how it looks today. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The plans below show a harbour in 2000 and how it looks today. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The given map indicates the alteration of Porth Harbour from 2000 to today.

Overall, there are more modern utility areas were added compared to the past and position changed in some specific fields.

It is obvious that a castle in the southeast were replaced with a hotel which turned a public beach into a private beach. In addition, road was extended to lead to the hotel while a café and shops were constructed next to a lifeboat which is remain unchanged through the period.

There is a slightly alteration between fishing boats and marina (private yachts) areas that their original positions were switched. Whilst car park, showers and toilet zones are untouched but just added one more field for showers and toilets. Furthermore, one new dock was built to contain more passenger ferries.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "The given map indicates" -> "The map illustrates"
    Explanation: "Illustrates" is a more precise and formal term than "indicates" in the context of describing visual representations, aligning better with academic language.

  2. "more modern utility areas were added" -> "more modern utility areas were introduced"
    Explanation: "Introduced" is more specific and formal than "added," suggesting a deliberate and planned addition, which is more appropriate for an academic description of changes on a map.

  3. "position changed in some specific fields" -> "positions altered in certain areas"
    Explanation: "Positions altered" is more specific and formal than "position changed," and "certain areas" is more precise than "some specific fields," which sounds vague and informal.

  4. "a castle in the southeast were replaced" -> "a castle in the southeast was replaced"
    Explanation: "Was" should be used instead of "were" for singular subjects, correcting the grammatical error and maintaining formality.

  5. "turned a public beach into a private beach" -> "converted the public beach to a private beach"
    Explanation: "Converted" is a more formal and precise verb than "turned" in this context, and "to" is the correct preposition for indicating conversion.

  6. "road was extended to lead to the hotel" -> "the road was extended to access the hotel"
    Explanation: "Access" is a more formal term than "lead," which is somewhat informal and vague in this context.

  7. "a café and shops were constructed next to a lifeboat" -> "a café and shops were constructed adjacent to the lifeboat"
    Explanation: "Adjacent" is a more precise term than "next to," which is somewhat informal and vague.

  8. "which is remain unchanged" -> "which remained unchanged"
    Explanation: "Remained" is the correct form of the verb "remain" to indicate a past continuous action, and it is more formal than "is remain."

  9. "a slightly alteration" -> "a slight alteration"
    Explanation: "Slight" is the correct adjective form to modify "alteration," and it is more commonly used in formal writing.

  10. "their original positions were switched" -> "their original positions were exchanged"
    Explanation: "Exchanged" is a more precise and formal term than "switched," which can be seen as too casual for academic writing.

  11. "car park, showers and toilet zones are untouched" -> "the car park, shower, and toilet facilities remained unchanged"
    Explanation: "Remained unchanged" is more formal and precise than "are untouched," and "facilities" is a more formal term than "zones."

  12. "just added one more field for showers and toilets" -> "simply added an additional field for showers and toilets"
    Explanation: "Simply" is more formal than "just," and "additional" is more precise than "one more," which is informal and vague.

  13. "one new dock was built to contain more passenger ferries" -> "a new dock was constructed to accommodate more passenger ferries"
    Explanation: "Constructed" is more formal than "built," and "accommodate" is a more precise term than "contain," which can imply a sense of restriction rather than provision.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main features of the harbour in 2000 and today, and makes some comparisons. However, the essay does not fully cover all the key features of the maps. For example, the essay does not mention the change in the position of the public beach.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a more comprehensive overview of the changes to the harbour. The essay should also include more specific details about the changes, such as the exact location of the new dock and the number of passenger ferries. The essay could also be improved by using more precise language to describe the changes, such as "moved" instead of "switched" and "extended" instead of "added one more field".

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a lack of overall progression. While it attempts to describe the changes in Porth Harbour, the ideas are not always logically sequenced, and there are instances of inadequate referencing. The use of cohesive devices is inconsistent, leading to some repetition and confusion in the flow of information. The paragraphing is present but not always effective, which detracts from the overall coherence of the response.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on logically organizing the information in a clearer sequence. Using a wider range of cohesive devices appropriately will help to connect ideas more effectively. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that transitions between ideas are smooth will improve the overall clarity and progression of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to describe the changes in Porth Harbour, the use of vocabulary is basic and repetitive, with several noticeable errors in word choice and grammar that may cause some difficulty for the reader. Phrases such as "more modern utility areas were added" and "a slightly alteration" reflect a lack of precision and control over lexical features. Additionally, there are issues with subject-verb agreement and sentence structure that detract from the overall clarity of the essay.
How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, including less common lexical items, and ensure accurate word choice and collocation. Practicing synonyms and varying sentence structures can help avoid repetition. Additionally, focusing on grammatical accuracy, particularly in subject-verb agreement and proper use of articles, will improve clarity and coherence. Reading more high-quality sample essays can also provide insights into effective vocabulary usage and style.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily using simple sentences with some attempts at complex structures. However, there are frequent grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues (e.g., "there are more modern utility areas were added" should be "there are more modern utility areas that were added") and incorrect verb forms (e.g., "which is remain unchanged" should be "which remains unchanged"). These errors can cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended meaning. The punctuation is also faulty in places, impacting clarity. Overall, while the essay conveys some information, the grammatical inaccuracies hinder effective communication.

How to improve:

  1. Expand Sentence Variety: Incorporate a wider range of complex sentence structures to enhance grammatical range. Practice using subordinate clauses and different conjunctions to connect ideas more effectively.
  2. Focus on Subject-Verb Agreement: Review the rules of subject-verb agreement to ensure that verbs correctly match their subjects in number and tense.
  3. Proofreading: Develop a habit of proofreading your work to catch and correct grammatical errors before submission. This can help identify issues with verb forms and punctuation.
  4. Practice with Feedback: Write more essays and seek feedback specifically on grammatical accuracy and range. This will help identify persistent errors and areas for improvement.

Bài sửa mẫu

The given map indicates the alterations of Porth Harbour from 2000 to today.

Overall, more modern utility areas have been added compared to the past, and the positions of some specific features have changed.

It is evident that the castle in the southeast has been replaced with a hotel, which has transformed a public beach into a private beach. In addition, the road has been extended to lead to the hotel, while a café and shops have been constructed next to the lifeboat, which has remained unchanged throughout the period.

There is a slight alteration between the fishing boats and marina (private yachts) areas, as their original positions have been switched. While the car park, showers, and toilet zones are untouched, an additional area for showers and toilets has been added. Furthermore, a new dock has been built to accommodate more passenger ferries.

Bài viết liên quan

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Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

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