The plans below show a harbour in 2000, and now it looks today. Summarise the information by selecting an reporting the main features, and make comparisions where relevant.

The plans below show a harbour in 2000, and now it looks today.

Summarise the information by selecting an reporting the main features, and make comparisions where relevant.

The maps depict the changes of the harbour after twenty-four years.

Overall, the harbour has been expanded to have more dock to park the yarch. And the was some replacement and some commercial facilities were added.

Back in 2000, at the top of the map, there was one dock for passenger ferries to park at the both side which has been expanded for one more to get more place for ferries at the present. In additional, Marina dock which is for private yachts have switched place with fishboats.

It seem that the car park below also connected to the main road as same as the upper car park. Furthermore, another Showers and toilets has been built for passenger since there was only one in 2000. Cafes and shops have been built next to the lifeboat. And the castle at the end of the peninsula has been disused to a hotel and connected to the road for tourist to stay. And it is seem that the hotel is having a plan buying the public beach for their custimor only which has been opend public for every one.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"maps depict the changes of the harbour" -> "the maps illustrate the transformations of the harbor"
Explanation: "Illustrate" is more precise and formal than "depict," and "transformations" is more specific than "changes," enhancing the academic tone. Additionally, "harbor" is the preferred spelling in American English, aligning with the context’s likely American origin.
"expanded to have more dock to park the yarch" -> "expanded to accommodate additional docks for berthing yachts"
Explanation: "Accommodate additional docks for berthing yachts" is more precise and formal, replacing the vague and incorrect "more dock to park the yarch." "Berthing" is the correct term for the act of docking yachts, and "accommodate" is more formal than "have."
"was some replacement and some commercial facilities were added" -> "some structures were replaced, and commercial facilities were added"
Explanation: "Some structures were replaced" is clearer and more specific than "was some replacement," and "added" is more formal than "were added" in this context.
"Back in 2000, at the top of the map" -> "In 2000, as depicted at the top of the map"
Explanation: "In 2000, as depicted at the top of the map" clarifies that the description is based on the map, enhancing the formal tone and specificity.
"park at the both side" -> "park on both sides"
Explanation: "On both sides" is grammatically correct and more formal than "at the both side."
"In additional, Marina dock" -> "Additionally, the Marina dock"
Explanation: "Additionally" should be used as an adverb, and "the Marina dock" should be used to specify the subject, improving grammatical accuracy and clarity.
"It seem that" -> "It appears that"
Explanation: "It appears that" is the correct form for the conditional tense, making the sentence grammatically correct and more formal.
"as same as" -> "similar to"
Explanation: "Similar to" is the correct comparative phrase, replacing the informal and grammatically incorrect "as same as."
"another Showers and toilets has been built" -> "another set of showers and toilets has been constructed"
Explanation: "Set of showers and toilets" is more specific and formal than "Showers and toilets," and "constructed" is more precise than "built" in this context.
"Cafes and shops have been built next to the lifeboat" -> "cafes and shops have been established adjacent to the lifeboat"
Explanation: "Established adjacent to" is more formal and precise than "built next to," aligning better with academic style.
"And the castle at the end of the peninsula has been disused to a hotel" -> "The castle at the end of the peninsula has been repurposed as a hotel"
Explanation: "Repurposed as a hotel" is a more formal and accurate description than "disused to a hotel," which is awkward and unclear.
"it is seem that the hotel is having a plan buying the public beach" -> "it appears that the hotel plans to acquire the public beach"
Explanation: "It appears that the hotel plans to acquire the public beach" corrects the awkward and incorrect original phrase, improving clarity and formality.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay attempts to address the task by providing some information about the changes to the harbour. However, the overview is not clear and the essay recounts detail mechanically with no clear overview. The essay also presents some key features but inadequately covers them. For example, the essay mentions that the castle has been disused to a hotel, but it does not provide any further information about the changes to the castle.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the changes to the harbour. The essay should also focus on presenting the key features of the harbour in a more comprehensive way. For example, the essay could provide more details about the changes to the dock, the car park, and the public beach. The essay should also avoid using informal language, such as "it seem that".

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While it attempts to describe the changes in the harbour, the ideas are not clearly connected, leading to some confusion. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, which detracts from the clarity of the writing. Additionally, the paragraphing is inconsistent, with some sentences appearing disjointed or lacking logical flow.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on organizing the information more logically, ensuring that each paragraph presents a clear central topic. Using a wider range of cohesive devices appropriately will help to connect ideas more effectively. Additionally, improving the clarity of referencing and substitution will reduce repetition and enhance the overall flow of the essay. Finally, ensuring that each paragraph is distinct and logically structured will contribute to a clearer progression of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to describe the changes in the harbour, the vocabulary used is often repetitive and lacks precision. There are noticeable errors in word choice, such as "yarch" instead of "yacht," and phrases like "has been expanded to have more dock" that are awkwardly constructed. Additionally, spelling errors (e.g., "custimor" instead of "customer") and issues with word formation detract from the overall clarity of the message. These factors indicate a lack of control over lexical features, which aligns with the characteristics of a Band 5 score.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary by incorporating a wider range of synonyms and less common lexical items. Additionally, careful attention to spelling and word formation is essential. Practicing the use of more complex sentence structures and ensuring that word choices are precise and contextually appropriate will also contribute to a higher band score. Engaging with varied reading materials can help in acquiring new vocabulary and understanding collocations better.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily using simple sentences with some attempts at complex structures. However, there are frequent grammatical errors, such as incorrect verb forms ("was some replacement" should be "there was some replacement"), subject-verb agreement issues ("it seem" should be "it seems"), and awkward phrasing ("the car park below also connected to the main road as same as the upper car park"). These errors can cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended meaning. Overall, while the essay attempts to convey information about the changes in the harbour, the frequent errors and limited range of structures hinder effective communication.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Variety of Sentence Structures: Incorporate a wider range of complex sentences and subordinate clauses to enhance the complexity of the writing.
Grammar and Punctuation: Review basic grammar rules, particularly subject-verb agreement and verb tenses, to reduce errors. Proofreading for punctuation errors can also help improve clarity.
Clarity and Cohesion: Work on phrasing to ensure that sentences flow logically and clearly convey the intended meaning. Using linking words and phrases can help improve coherence.

Bài sửa mẫu

The maps depict the changes in the harbour over a span of twenty-four years.

Overall, the harbour has been expanded to include more docks for parking yachts, and several commercial facilities have been added.

In 2000, at the top of the map, there was one dock for passenger ferries on both sides, which has now been expanded to accommodate an additional dock, providing more space for ferries today. Additionally, the marina dock, designated for private yachts, has switched places with the fishing boats.

It seems that the car park below is now connected to the main road, similar to the upper car park. Furthermore, additional showers and toilets have been built for passengers, as there was only one available in 2000. Cafés and shops have been constructed next to the lifeboat station. The castle at the end of the peninsula has been repurposed into a hotel and is now connected to the road for tourists to access. It appears that the hotel is planning to acquire the public beach for its customers only, which was previously open to everyone.