the plans below show a small theatre in 2010, and the same theatre in 2012.

The stacked pictures delineate the changing landscape of a small theatre across two separate years: 2010 and 2012.

Overall, while the auditorium remains largely the same, the surrounding structures had changed significantly throughout the given time frame, with the introduction of new restaurant and shower rooms, at the expense of a coffee shop.

In 2010, there was an auditorium situated in the heart of the map, dividing the plan into two distinct areas. A stage which was positioned opposite the auditorium adjacent to a dressing room catering for performers. To the left of the stage, there was a large storage room connected to the dressing room by a door. Concerning the entrance area, a main door was installed in the middle of the theatre. In the left corner, a ticket office for visitors was built adjacent to an administration office. Across from these offices was a small cafe shop.

Two years later, the theatre underwent notable improvement to cater the increasing number of visitors. The dressing room was halved and converted into a corridor for convenient moving. While the stage witnessed a significant expansion, the auditorium also increased in size to a lesser extent. The storage was constructed on the opposite side compared with the year 2010, while the old one was demolished to make space for dressing rooms and shower rooms. The entrance area, which previously had featured two offices, was replaced by a restaurant for tourists. FInally, admin office was relocated to the left side of the auditorium while the cafe was replaced by the ticket office.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"stacked pictures" -> "sequential images"
Explanation: "Sequential images" is a more precise and formal term that accurately describes the presentation of images in chronological order, enhancing the academic tone of the text.
"small theatre" -> "small theatre venue"
Explanation: Adding "venue" clarifies that the term "theatre" refers to a specific location, enhancing specificity and formality.
"surrounding structures" -> "adjacent structures"
Explanation: "Adjacent" is a more precise term that indicates proximity and connection to the main subject, which is more suitable for academic writing.
"at the expense of a coffee shop" -> "in place of a coffee shop"
Explanation: "In place of" is more formal and clearer, indicating replacement rather than sacrifice, which is more appropriate for an academic description.
"a stage which was positioned opposite the auditorium adjacent to a dressing room" -> "a stage situated opposite the auditorium, adjacent to a dressing room"
Explanation: Removing the relative pronoun "which" and rephrasing the sentence improves clarity and flow, aligning better with formal writing standards.
"Concerning the entrance area" -> "Regarding the entrance area"
Explanation: "Regarding" is a more formal and precise adverb than "concerning," which is slightly less formal.
"a main door was installed" -> "a primary entrance was installed"
Explanation: "Primary entrance" is a more specific and formal term than "main door," which is vague and informal.
"a ticket office for visitors was built" -> "a ticket booth for visitors was constructed"
Explanation: "Booth" is a more specific term than "office," and "constructed" is more formal than "built."
"Two years later, the theatre underwent notable improvement to cater the increasing number of visitors." -> "Two years later, the theatre underwent significant improvements to accommodate the increasing number of visitors."
Explanation: "Significant improvements" is more precise and formal than "notable improvement," and "accommodate" is a more appropriate verb than "cater," which is less commonly used in this context.
"the dressing room was halved and converted into a corridor for convenient moving" -> "the dressing room was halved and converted into a corridor for easier movement"
Explanation: "Easier movement" is a more formal expression than "convenient moving," and "movement" is grammatically correct.
"the storage was constructed on the opposite side" -> "the storage facility was built on the opposite side"
Explanation: "Facility" is a more formal term than "storage," and "built" is more precise than "constructed."
"the old one was demolished to make space for dressing rooms and shower rooms" -> "the existing storage facility was demolished to make way for additional dressing rooms and shower facilities"
Explanation: "Existing storage facility" specifies what was demolished, and "make way for" is a more formal phrase than "make space for."
"FInally, admin office was relocated" -> "Finally, the administrative office was relocated"
Explanation: Correcting the typo and specifying "administrative office" enhances clarity and formality.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the changes to the theatre between 2010 and 2012. It identifies the key features of the theatre in both years and provides some details about the changes. However, the essay does not fully cover all the key features of the plans. For example, it does not mention the addition of shower rooms in 2012.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a more comprehensive overview of the changes to the theatre. The writer should make sure to mention all the key features of the plans, including the addition of shower rooms. The writer should also try to use more precise language to describe the changes. For example, instead of saying "the stage witnessed a significant expansion," the writer could say "the stage was extended by 10 meters."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay presents information in a coherent manner, with a clear overall progression from the description of the theatre in 2010 to the changes made by 2012. However, while cohesive devices are used effectively, there are instances of mechanical cohesion, and some sentences lack clarity in their connections. The paragraphing is present but could be improved for better logical flow, particularly in distinguishing between the two years more clearly.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the essay could benefit from clearer referencing and substitution to avoid repetition. Additionally, improving the logical flow between sentences and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic would enhance coherence. More varied cohesive devices could also be employed to avoid mechanical usage and to create a more engaging narrative.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary appropriate for the task, with some attempts to use less common lexical items. However, there are noticeable inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "the stacked pictures delineate" and "notable improvement to cater the increasing number of visitors." Additionally, there are errors in spelling ("FInally" should be "Finally") and some awkward phrasing that detracts from clarity, such as "the storage was constructed on the opposite side compared with the year 2010." These issues indicate that while the vocabulary is sufficient for communication, it lacks the precision and control expected at higher band levels.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on increasing the range of vocabulary used, particularly by incorporating more sophisticated and precise terms. Additionally, careful attention should be paid to collocation and word choice to avoid inaccuracies. Proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors will also help improve overall clarity and professionalism in the writing. Engaging with a wider variety of texts can help develop a more nuanced understanding of vocabulary usage in context.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, with some grammatical errors and punctuation issues present. While the overall communication is clear and the main ideas are conveyed effectively, there are instances where errors in grammar and punctuation may cause minor confusion for the reader. For example, phrases like "the storage was constructed on the opposite side compared with the year 2010" could be more clearly expressed. Additionally, there are some awkward constructions and minor errors, such as "FInally" which should be "Finally," indicating a lack of attention to detail. Overall, the essay meets the criteria for Band 6 as it uses a variety of structures but contains noticeable errors that do not significantly hinder understanding.

How to improve:

Enhance Sentence Variety: Incorporate a wider range of complex sentence structures to demonstrate greater grammatical flexibility. This can include using more subordinate clauses and varied conjunctions.
Proofreading: Take time to proofread the essay for minor errors, particularly in punctuation and capitalization, to ensure that all sentences are grammatically correct and clear.
Clarify Expressions: Aim for clarity in expressions. For instance, rephrase sentences that may be awkward or unclear to enhance readability and coherence.
Practice Grammar: Focus on areas of grammar that are frequently problematic, such as subject-verb agreement and proper use of tenses, to reduce the frequency of errors.

Bài sửa mẫu

The stacked pictures delineate the changing landscape of a small theatre across two separate years: 2010 and 2012.

Overall, while the auditorium remains largely the same, the surrounding structures changed significantly throughout the given time frame, with the introduction of new restaurant and shower rooms at the expense of a coffee shop.

In 2010, there was an auditorium situated in the heart of the map, dividing the plan into two distinct areas. A stage was positioned opposite the auditorium, adjacent to a dressing room catering to performers. To the left of the stage, there was a large storage room connected to the dressing room by a door. Regarding the entrance area, a main door was installed in the middle of the theatre. In the left corner, a ticket office for visitors was built adjacent to an administration office. Across from these offices was a small café.

Two years later, the theatre underwent notable improvements to accommodate the increasing number of visitors. The dressing room was halved and converted into a corridor for easier movement. While the stage witnessed significant expansion, the auditorium also increased in size to a lesser extent. The storage room was constructed on the opposite side compared to 2010, while the old one was demolished to make space for dressing rooms and shower rooms. The entrance area, which previously featured two offices, was replaced by a restaurant for tourists. Finally, the administration office was relocated to the left side of the auditorium, while the café was replaced by the ticket office.