The plans below show a small theatre In 2010, and the same theatre in 2012. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The plans below show a small theatre In 2010, and the same theatre in 2012. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The diagrams present a detailed transformation of a small theatre during two depicted years: 2010 and 2012. Overall, multiple alterations have been introduced in this theatre between these two years, encompassing the expansion of this destination on both sides and the relocation of existing facilities. A noteworthy feature was that the placement of the central rows of seats is the sole feature that has remained unchanged over a 2-year timespan.
Focusing on the upper part of the plan, a noteworthy aspect was that the stage in front of the theatre’s main auditorium remained the same in both its size and position, along with the side hall on the right of the stage. On the left-hand side of the stage, there was a large storage which, from 2010 onwards, was moved to the opposite side. This shift in position was to accommodate the construction of a new shower and the relocation of the dressing room, which was situated directly behind the stage in 2010. Afterwards, this room has been replaced by a long corridor, connecting to the storage and the relocated dressing room.
Regarding the southern part of the theatre, while the main door remained unchanged, other amenities have been redesigned after 2010. To the southwest corner, a moderate area was allocated for an administrative office and a ticket office. However, within 2 years, the ticket office has been relocated to the opposite corner, replacing the initial cafeteria, whereas the administrative office has been moved further to the north, adjacent to the auditorium on the left side. This made space for a new restaurant on the southwest corner of the theatre.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"The diagrams present" -> "The diagrams depict"
Explanation: "Depict" is more precise and academically appropriate than "present" in the context of visual representations like diagrams, emphasizing the act of illustrating rather than simply showing. -
"small theatre" -> "small theater"
Explanation: Although "theatre" is the preferred spelling in British English, "theater" is commonly used in American English and is acceptable in academic contexts. Using "theater" aligns with American English conventions. -
"encompassing the expansion of this destination on both sides and the relocation of existing facilities" -> "including the expansion of the venue on both sides and the relocation of existing facilities"
Explanation: "Including" is more specific and appropriate for describing the addition of elements to a larger context, whereas "encompassing" might imply a more general or vague scope. -
"A noteworthy feature was that" -> "Notably,"
Explanation: "Notably" is a more concise and formal way to introduce a significant observation, avoiding the awkward construction of "A noteworthy feature was that." -
"the placement of the central rows of seats is the sole feature that has remained unchanged" -> "the placement of the central rows of seats is the only feature that has remained unchanged"
Explanation: "Only" is more precise and formal than "sole," and it is more commonly used in academic writing to emphasize uniqueness. -
"Focusing on the upper part of the plan" -> "Examining the upper section of the plan"
Explanation: "Examining" is more specific and formal than "focusing," which is somewhat vague and less academic in tone. -
"a noteworthy aspect was that" -> "it is noteworthy that"
Explanation: "It is noteworthy that" is a more direct and formal way to introduce a significant observation, avoiding the awkward construction of "a noteworthy aspect was that." -
"the stage in front of the theatre’s main auditorium" -> "the stage in front of the main auditorium"
Explanation: Removing "theatre’s" simplifies the phrase and maintains the formal tone, as "theatre" is implied by the context. -
"a large storage which, from 2010 onwards, was moved to the opposite side" -> "a large storage area that was relocated to the opposite side from 2010"
Explanation: "Area" is more specific than "storage," and "relocated" is more precise than "moved." Also, "from 2010 onwards" is more formal than "from 2010 onwards, was." -
"to accommodate the construction of a new shower and the relocation of the dressing room" -> "to accommodate the construction of a new shower and the relocation of the dressing room"
Explanation: This is a minor correction to maintain parallel structure in the list of actions, enhancing the formal and academic tone of the sentence. -
"this room has been replaced by a long corridor" -> "this room was replaced by a long corridor"
Explanation: "Was replaced" is more formal and past tense is more appropriate for describing a completed action in the past. -
"a moderate area was allocated for an administrative office and a ticket office" -> "a moderate space was designated for an administrative office and a ticket office"
Explanation: "Designated" is more precise than "allocated," and "space" is a more formal term than "area" in this context. -
"However, within 2 years, the ticket office has been relocated to the opposite corner" -> "However, within two years, the ticket office was relocated to the opposite corner"
Explanation: "Two" should be written as a numeral for consistency and formal tone, and "was relocated" is more appropriate for a completed action in the past. -
"This made space for a new restaurant on the southwest corner of the theatre" -> "This freed up space for a new restaurant in the southwest corner of the theatre"
Explanation: "Freed up" is a more formal and precise expression than "made space for," which is somewhat informal and vague.
Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay provides a clear overview of the main changes to the theatre between 2010 and 2012. It highlights the key features of the changes, such as the relocation of the storage, dressing room, and ticket office. The essay also makes comparisons where relevant, such as noting that the stage and main door remained unchanged.
How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more specific details about the changes. For example, the essay could mention the exact size of the new shower or the location of the new restaurant. The essay could also be improved by using more precise language. For example, instead of saying "a moderate area was allocated for an administrative office and a ticket office," the essay could say "an administrative office and a ticket office were built in the southwest corner."
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, demonstrating clear progression throughout the description of the theatre’s changes from 2010 to 2012. It effectively uses a range of cohesive devices, although there are instances of slight overuse, particularly in the repetition of phrases like "noteworthy aspect" and "remained unchanged." Each paragraph presents a clear central topic, focusing on different sections of the theatre, which contributes to the overall coherence of the essay. However, minor issues with referencing and the occasional mechanical use of cohesive devices prevent it from reaching a higher band score.
How to improve: To enhance the coherence and cohesion of the essay, the writer could vary the language used for cohesive devices to avoid repetition and improve flow. Additionally, ensuring that referencing is clear and precise would help in maintaining a logical connection between ideas. Finally, refining paragraphing to ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next could further strengthen the overall structure of the essay.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary that allows for flexibility and precision in conveying the changes made to the theatre between 2010 and 2012. The use of phrases like "detailed transformation," "noteworthy feature," and "relocation of existing facilities" indicates an awareness of style and collocation. However, there are occasional inaccuracies in word choice, such as "the placement of the central rows of seats is the sole feature that has remained unchanged," which could be more clearly articulated. There are also minor errors in spelling and word formation, but they do not impede communication. Overall, the vocabulary used is appropriate for the task, but there is room for improvement in precision and sophistication.
How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider variety of less common vocabulary and phrases that convey precise meanings. Additionally, focusing on improving collocation and ensuring that word choices are contextually appropriate will help. The writer could also benefit from proofreading to minimize minor errors in spelling and word formation, further refining the clarity and sophistication of the language used.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of complex sentence structures and produces frequent error-free sentences. The writer shows good control of grammar and punctuation, with only a few minor errors present. The overall clarity of the essay is maintained, and the information is communicated effectively. However, there are some instances where sentence structures could be more varied, and a few grammatical inaccuracies slightly detract from the overall quality.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of sentence structures, including more varied complex sentences and subordinate clauses. Additionally, focusing on minimizing grammatical errors and ensuring punctuation is consistently accurate will enhance the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing. Practicing with more complex sentence forms and reviewing grammatical rules can help in achieving this improvement.
Bài sửa mẫu
The diagrams present a detailed transformation of a small theatre between two years: 2010 and 2012. Overall, multiple alterations were introduced in this theatre during this period, including the expansion of the venue on both sides and the relocation of existing facilities. A noteworthy feature is that the placement of the central rows of seats is the only aspect that remained unchanged over the two-year span.
Focusing on the upper part of the plan, it is notable that the stage in front of the theatre’s main auditorium retained both its size and position, along with the side hall to the right of the stage. On the left-hand side of the stage, there was a large storage area that, from 2010 onwards, was moved to the opposite side. This shift in position accommodated the construction of a new shower and the relocation of the dressing room, which was situated directly behind the stage in 2010. Subsequently, this room was replaced by a long corridor, connecting to the storage and the relocated dressing room.
Regarding the southern part of the theatre, while the main door remained unchanged, other amenities were redesigned after 2010. In the southwest corner, a moderate area was allocated for an administrative office and a ticket office. However, within two years, the ticket office was relocated to the opposite corner, replacing the initial cafeteria, while the administrative office was moved further north, adjacent to the auditorium on the left side. This change made space for a new restaurant in the southwest corner of the theatre.
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