The plans below show the ground floor of a library in 2001 and how it was redeveloped in 2009

he provided plans illustrate transformation of the ground floor of a library over a period of 8 years from 2001.
Overall, the library’s ground floor underwent significant changes throughout the span examined with changes and introduction of several facilities. It is also apparent that while the location of librarian’s desk and stairs remained unchanged, others areas has been adapted to suit the library’s current needs.
Regarding the library’s ground floor in 2001, this layout included librarian’s desk at the entrance and stairs to the right-handed side of it. On the left side of the ground floor was two shelves for self-help and history books, each occupied half of the space, while at the far end of the floor there was a fiction’s shelf. Directly at the center of this layout there were eight square tables, adjacent to which to the right-handed side was a long shelf for newspapers and periodicals.
After 8 years, there was several changes occurred in this library’s ground floor. With regard to the left-handed side of this layout, the space for history and self-help books was made smaller and relocated, along with the introduction of more kinds of books including fiction – which previously located at the end of the floor, kitchen, economics and law books. The fiction’s location in 2001 was converted into tables and children’s area, which took more space. Additionally, the former 8 square tables at the central area was transformed into 4 long tables, and a long shelf for films and DVDs was added on the right side of the layout, where newspapers and periodicals’ shelf was once there. It is also noteworthy that there was an introduction of two computers in front of the films and DVDs’ shelf.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"he provided plans illustrate" -> "the provided plans illustrate"
Explanation: The article "the" is missing before "provided plans" to make the phrase grammatically correct and more formal.
"over a period of 8 years from 2001" -> "over a period of eight years from 2001"
Explanation: Using "eight" instead of "8" in academic writing is more formal and precise.
"changes and introduction of several facilities" -> "introduction of various facilities"
Explanation: "Introduction of various facilities" is more concise and academically appropriate than "changes and introduction of several facilities," which is redundant.
"It is also apparent that while the location of librarian’s desk and stairs remained unchanged, others areas has been adapted" -> "It is also apparent that while the locations of the librarian’s desk and stairs remained unchanged, other areas have been adapted"
Explanation: Corrects the subject-verb agreement error ("others areas" to "other areas") and uses the possessive form "librarian’s" for clarity and formality.
"On the left side of the ground floor was two shelves" -> "On the left side of the ground floor were two shelves"
Explanation: Corrects the verb agreement from singular to plural ("was" to "were") to match the plural subject "shelves."
"each occupied half of the space" -> "each occupied half the space"
Explanation: Removing "of the" after "half" simplifies the phrase and maintains a formal tone.
"at the far end of the floor there was a fiction’s shelf" -> "at the far end of the floor, there was a fiction shelf"
Explanation: Corrects the possessive error ("fiction’s" to "fiction") and adds a comma for better readability and clarity.
"Directly at the center of this layout there were eight square tables, adjacent to which to the right-handed side was a long shelf" -> "Directly at the center of this layout were eight square tables, adjacent to which was a long shelf on the right"
Explanation: Corrects the verb agreement ("there were" to "were") and clarifies the phrase by removing the redundant "to the right-handed side."
"After 8 years, there was several changes occurred" -> "After eight years, several changes occurred"
Explanation: Corrects the article "the" to "several" for grammatical accuracy and capitalizes "eight" for proper noun form.
"With regard to the left-handed side of this layout, the space for history and self-help books was made smaller and relocated, along with the introduction of more kinds of books including fiction – which previously located at the end of the floor, kitchen, economics and law books" -> "Regarding the left side of the layout, the space for history and self-help books was reduced and relocated, with the introduction of additional book types, including fiction, previously located at the end of the floor, as well as books on kitchen, economics, and law"
Explanation: Improves clarity and formality by specifying "reduced" instead of "made smaller," and rephrasing for better flow and precision.
"The fiction’s location in 2001 was converted into tables and children’s area, which took more space" -> "The fiction area in 2001 was converted into tables and a children’s area, which occupied more space"
Explanation: Corrects the possessive error ("fiction’s" to "fiction area") and uses "occupied" instead of "took" for a more formal tone.
"the former 8 square tables at the central area was transformed into 4 long tables" -> "the former eight square tables in the central area were transformed into four long tables"
Explanation: Corrects the article "the" to "eight" and verb agreement ("was" to "were"), and uses "in" instead of "at" for a more precise location description.
"and a long shelf for films and DVDs was added on the right side of the layout, where newspapers and periodicals’ shelf was once there" -> "and a long shelf for films and DVDs was added on the right side, where the shelf for newspapers and periodicals had previously been"
Explanation: Simplifies the sentence structure and corrects the possessive error ("newspapers and periodicals’ shelf" to "the shelf for newspapers and periodicals").

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the changes made to the library’s ground floor, but it does not fully satisfy all the requirements of the task. The essay presents some key features and bullet points, but it does not adequately highlight all of them. For example, the essay mentions that the fiction section was converted into tables and a children’s area, but it does not mention that the children’s area is located on the right-hand side of the layout. Additionally, the essay does not mention that the newspapers and periodicals shelf was removed and replaced with a shelf for films and DVDs.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a more detailed and accurate description of the changes made to the library’s ground floor. The essay should also highlight all of the key features and bullet points, and it should avoid irrelevant or inaccurate details. The essay should also be more concise and avoid unnecessary repetition. For example, the essay could be improved by combining the sentences "With regard to the left-handed side of this layout, the space for history and self-help books was made smaller and relocated, along with the introduction of more kinds of books including fiction – which previously located at the end of the floor, kitchen, economics and law books" and "The fiction’s location in 2001 was converted into tables and children’s area, which took more space." into one sentence. The essay could also be improved by using more precise language. For example, instead of saying "there was several changes occurred in this library’s ground floor," the essay could say "the library’s ground floor underwent several changes."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While it attempts to describe the changes between the two plans, the transitions between ideas and sections are not always clear, leading to a somewhat disjointed reading experience. The use of cohesive devices is inconsistent, with some phrases being repetitive or inaccurately applied, which detracts from the overall coherence. Additionally, paragraphing is attempted but not effectively executed, as the essay lacks clear topic sentences and logical flow between paragraphs.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on improving the logical flow of ideas by using clearer transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Each paragraph should begin with a strong topic sentence that outlines the main idea, followed by supporting details that are logically connected. Furthermore, varying the use of cohesive devices and ensuring that they accurately reflect the relationships between ideas will help create a smoother reading experience. Finally, reviewing the structure of the essay to ensure that it adheres to a clear organizational pattern will also contribute to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, allowing for clear communication of the changes made to the library’s layout. There is an attempt to use less common vocabulary, such as "transformation," "relocated," and "noteworthy," but inaccuracies in word choice and some awkward phrasing detract from the overall effectiveness. For instance, phrases like "the library’s current needs" and "there was several changes occurred" contain errors that affect clarity. While spelling and word formation errors are present, they do not significantly impede understanding.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary with greater precision and accuracy. This includes avoiding awkward constructions and ensuring correct word forms (e.g., "there were several changes" instead of "there was several changes occurred"). Additionally, incorporating more sophisticated and varied vocabulary while maintaining clarity will help achieve a higher band score. Practicing the use of collocations and ensuring correct spelling will also contribute to a more polished essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6 score. While there are some effective structures used, there are also noticeable grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that occasionally hinder clarity. For instance, phrases like "others areas has been adapted" and "there was several changes occurred" contain grammatical inaccuracies that detract from the overall communication. However, the errors do not completely obscure the meaning, allowing the reader to understand the main points being conveyed.
How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Subject-Verb Agreement: Ensure that subjects and verbs agree in number (e.g., "other areas have been adapted" instead of "others areas has been adapted").
Sentence Structure: Aim for more varied sentence structures and ensure that complex sentences are constructed accurately to avoid confusion.
Punctuation: Review the use of punctuation, particularly with conjunctions and clauses, to improve clarity and flow.
Proofreading: Implement a proofreading stage to catch minor errors before submission, which can help reduce the frequency of slips and inaccuracies.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided plans illustrate the transformation of the ground floor of a library over a period of eight years from 2001. Overall, the library’s ground floor underwent significant changes throughout the examined period, with the introduction of several new facilities. It is also apparent that while the locations of the librarian’s desk and stairs remained unchanged, other areas have been adapted to suit the library’s current needs.

Regarding the library’s ground floor in 2001, this layout included the librarian’s desk at the entrance and stairs to its right. On the left side of the ground floor were two shelves for self-help and history books, each occupying half of the space, while at the far end of the floor, there was a shelf for fiction. Directly at the center of this layout, there were eight square tables, adjacent to which, on the right side, was a long shelf for newspapers and periodicals.

After eight years, several changes occurred in this library’s ground floor. With regard to the left side of this layout, the space for history and self-help books was made smaller and relocated, along with the introduction of more types of books, including fiction—which was previously located at the end of the floor—kitchen, economics, and law books. The location of fiction in 2001 was converted into tables and a children’s area, which took up more space. Additionally, the former eight square tables in the central area were transformed into four long tables, and a long shelf for films and DVDs was added on the right side of the layout, where the newspapers and periodicals shelf once stood. It is also noteworthy that two computers were introduced in front of the films and DVDs shelf.