The plans below show the ground floor of a library in 2001 and how it was redeveloped in 2009. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The plans below show the ground floor of a library in 2001 and how it was redeveloped in 2009.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The illustration depicts how the groud floor of a library had transformed from 2001 to 2009. Overall, looking at particular features from the diagram, it can be deduced that the developments transpiring in the library had been executed with the underlying purpose of diversifying the book genre and serving a new demographic, which was the children. Some of the key changes encompass the construction of various bookshelves and a children-oriented area.
Starting at the entrance, while the postion of the librarian's desk remained intact, the bookshelves on the left-hand side had been extended from 2 to 6 sections, adding 3 new topics, namely kitchen, economics and law. In addition, the area for fiction books had been relocated to the left-hand side to make room for the construction of additional tables.
As for the right-hand side part, the position of Films & DVDS, computers and stairs remained unchanged, whereas the center of the library had been reorganised. In 2001, the tables were separate from each other, however, after 8 years, they had been merged to form four lines of horizontal seats. Additionally, a new area had been built in the year 2009 to serve the children specifically.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"groud" -> "ground"
Explanation: Correcting a simple typographical error in "groud" to "ground" maintains the clarity and accuracy of the description.
"from 2001 to 2009" -> "between 2001 and 2009"
Explanation: Using "between" instead of "from…to" when referring to a range of years is more precise and formal in academic or descriptive contexts.
"the developments transpiring" -> "the developments occurring"
Explanation: "Transpiring" is less commonly used in this context compared to "occurring," which is more straightforward and suitable for describing ongoing changes or developments.
"had been executed" -> "were undertaken"
Explanation: "Were undertaken" is a more active and direct phrase compared to "had been executed," providing a clearer sense of agency in the actions described.
"encompass" -> "include"
Explanation: While "encompass" is correct, "include" is a simpler and equally effective alternative that maintains the meaning without overly formal language.
"postion" -> "position"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling mistake in "postion" to "position" ensures accuracy and professionalism in the text.
"addition" -> "additionally"
Explanation: Using "additionally" instead of "addition" improves the flow of the sentence and maintains coherence within the paragraph.
"however, after 8 years" -> "however, by 2009"
Explanation: "However, by 2009" provides a clearer time reference than "after 8 years" in this context, enhancing chronological precision.
"separate from each other" -> "separate"
Explanation: Removing "from each other" after "separate" simplifies the sentence without altering its meaning, making it more concise and clear.
"four lines of horizontal seats" -> "four rows of seating"
Explanation: "Four rows of seating" is a more descriptive and standard way to convey the arrangement of seats compared to "lines of horizontal seats."
"had been built in the year 2009" -> "was constructed in 2009"
Explanation: "Was constructed in 2009" is a more direct and active construction than "had been built in the year 2009," improving the sentence’s clarity and conciseness.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

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Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay adequately addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the ground floor of a library in 2001 and its redevelopment in 2009. It covers key changes such as the extension of bookshelves and the creation of a children-oriented area. The overview is clear, and key features are highlighted, albeit some details may be irrelevant, such as the specific topics added to the bookshelves. Additionally, while the essay compares some changes between 2001 and 2009, the comparison could be more fully extended.
How to improve: Provide a more detailed comparison between the ground floor layout in 2001 and 2009, focusing on specific changes in layout, usage, or amenities. Avoid irrelevant details and ensure all information directly contributes to the main features and comparisons outlined in the task. Consider elaborating on the significance of the changes, such as how they cater to different demographics or improve the functionality of the library. Ensure clarity and coherence in presenting information.]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates some coherence and cohesion in organizing information. There is an attempt to follow a logical progression from discussing the changes in bookshelves to the layout of the library, and finally, the addition of a children’s area. Paragraphing is somewhat clear, with distinct shifts in focus. Cohesive devices such as transition words are used effectively to connect ideas. However, there are instances of faulty cohesion, such as unclear referencing ("the illustration" could be clarified as "the diagrams") and mechanical use of cohesive devices ("Overall, looking at particular features…").

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, ensure that referencing is clear throughout the essay. Instead of vague phrases like "the illustration," specify what it refers to. Additionally, strive for smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs to maintain a cohesive flow of ideas. Consider varying sentence structures for better readability and clarity. Also, pay attention to paragraphing logic, ensuring each paragraph focuses on a clear central topic and follows a logical sequence of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay uses an adequate range of vocabulary, with some attempts at incorporating less common terms such as "transpiring," "construction," and "diversifying." While the overall lexical resource is sufficient to communicate the ideas, there are some issues with spelling ("groud" instead of "ground"), word choice ("films & DVDS" instead of "films & DVDs"), and collocation ("postion" instead of "position"). Additionally, there are minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing ("addition of additional tables"). These errors don’t impede communication but are noticeable.

How to improve: To improve the band score for Lexical Resource, the writer should aim for a broader range of vocabulary with more precise word choices. This could be achieved by practicing with synonyms, focusing on collocations, and using varied terminology to avoid repetition. Additionally, double-checking spelling and proofreading for typographical errors will help enhance lexical control and accuracy.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, incorporating varied structures such as relative clauses and conditional sentences. While there are instances of grammatical errors and punctuation issues, they do not significantly hinder communication. The essay effectively conveys the main features of the library transformation and makes relevant comparisons between the 2001 and 2009 layouts.

How to improve: To enhance grammatical range and accuracy, focus on refining sentence structures and ensuring consistency in punctuation usage. Additionally, aim for greater precision in word choice and clarity in expression to minimize errors and enhance overall coherence.

Bài sửa mẫu

The diagrams illustrate the transformation of the ground floor layout of a library from 2001 to 2009. Overall, the alterations aimed to diversify book genres and cater to a new demographic, specifically children. Significant changes include the expansion of bookshelves and the establishment of a children-oriented area.

Commencing at the entrance, the librarian’s desk remained in its original position. However, the bookshelves on the left-hand side underwent expansion from 2 to 6 sections, accommodating new topics such as kitchen, economics, and law. Additionally, the fiction book section was relocated to the left to facilitate the construction of extra tables.

On the right-hand side, the arrangement of Films & DVDs, computers, and stairs remained unaltered, while the central area of the library saw reorganization. In 2001, individual tables were present, but by 2009, they were merged into four rows of horizontal seating. Furthermore, a dedicated area for children was established in 2009.