The population of many cities is growing rapidly. +) What are the effects on people living in these cities? +) What can be done to maintain the quality of life of people?

The population of many cities is growing rapidly.
+) What are the effects on people living in these cities?
+) What can be done to maintain the quality of life of people?

With the significant rise of city residents, a range of problems would be pointed out for those who live in these areas. This essay will delve into the effects of this trend and possible solutions which should be implemented.

As the dwellers in cities grow more, there are many issues which can be anticipated. Firstly, it can directly influences the life quality of urban areas. To be more specific, it can make some problems such as housing shortages, overcrowding in hospitals or traffic congestion, and unemployment which are very critical become more serious. Moreover, it also indirectly affect the lives of people in mega cities by increasing the pressure on environment. It is due to the fact that increasing people in cities attending with the huge demand for accomodations, food and water. Consequently, people must clear the forest or hunt wildlife for responding to their needs, leading to significant damage to the environment and making the quality of life in these areas decrease dramatically.

To maintain the quality of life of people, there are some solutions which could be taken. Firstly, the government can invest money and promote countryside areas to become new industrial and business areas which can satisfy a number of migrants moving to cities in order to have a better life. It also creates new economic centers for the government and fosters the development of their countries. Moreover, the officials should improve the life quality in urban areas by improving infrastructures, creating more job opportunities or solving some chronic problems existing in these areas. As a result, people can live better and focus more on making money for developing and indicating for their nations.

In conclusion, migrants in cities go up connecting with both direct and indirect negative effects in the life quality of people . However, there are some measures for the government to tackle these problems.

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Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "With the significant rise of city residents" -> "With the significant increase in urban populations"
   Explanation: "Increase in urban populations" is a more precise and formal term than "rise of city residents," which is somewhat vague and informal.

2. "a range of problems would be pointed out" -> "a range of issues would arise"
   Explanation: "Issues would arise" is more direct and academically appropriate than "problems would be pointed out," which is less formal and slightly awkward.

3. "delve into the effects" -> "examine the effects"
   Explanation: "Examine" is a more formal and precise verb than "delve into," which can sound slightly colloquial.

4. "As the dwellers in cities grow more" -> "As urban populations increase"
   Explanation: "Urban populations increase" is a more formal and precise way to describe the growth of city populations.

5. "can directly influences" -> "can directly influence"
   Explanation: Corrects the grammatical error in "influences" to "influence."

6. "make some problems such as" -> "result in issues such as"
   Explanation: "Result in issues such as" is more formal and precise than "make some problems such as," which is somewhat informal and vague.

7. "which are very critical" -> "which are critical"
   Explanation: Removing "very" enhances the formality and avoids redundancy, as "critical" already implies severity.

8. "it also indirectly affect" -> "it also indirectly affects"
   Explanation: Corrects the verb agreement error from "affect" to "affects."

9. "increasing people in cities attending with the huge demand" -> "the increasing number of people in cities, driven by the huge demand"
   Explanation: This revision clarifies the sentence structure and removes the awkward and incorrect phrase "increasing people in cities attending with."

10. "people must clear the forest or hunt wildlife" -> "people may clear forests or hunt wildlife"
    Explanation: "May" is more appropriate than "must" as it suggests possibility rather than necessity, which is more accurate in this context.

11. "making the quality of life in these areas decrease dramatically" -> "resulting in a significant decline in the quality of life in these areas"
    Explanation: "Resulting in a significant decline" is more formal and precise than "making the quality of life decrease dramatically," which is somewhat colloquial.

12. "the government can invest money and promote" -> "the government can invest funds and promote"
    Explanation: "Funds" is a more formal term than "money," and it is more appropriate in an academic context.

13. "to become new industrial and business areas" -> "to develop as new industrial and commercial centers"
    Explanation: "Develop as new industrial and commercial centers" is more specific and formal than "become new industrial and business areas."

14. "fosters the development of their countries" -> "fosters national development"
    Explanation: "Fosters national development" is a more concise and formal expression than "fosters the development of their countries."

15. "improving infrastructures" -> "improving infrastructure"
    Explanation: "Infrastructure" is a singular noun, so "improving infrastructure" is grammatically correct.

16. "creating more job opportunities or solving some chronic problems" -> "creating additional job opportunities and addressing chronic issues"
    Explanation: "Addressing chronic issues" is more formal and precise than "solving some chronic problems," and "additional job opportunities" is clearer than "more job opportunities."

17. "migrants in cities go up connecting with both direct and indirect negative effects" -> "the increasing number of migrants in cities leads to both direct and indirect negative effects"
    Explanation: "Leads to" is a more precise and formal verb than "go up connecting with," which is awkward and unclear.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt effectively. The first paragraph discusses the effects of rapid population growth in cities, mentioning issues such as housing shortages, overcrowding in hospitals, and environmental pressures. The second paragraph outlines potential solutions, such as promoting rural areas and improving urban infrastructure. However, while the essay identifies relevant issues and solutions, it could benefit from more specific examples or elaboration on how these solutions would be implemented.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could provide specific examples or case studies that illustrate the effects of population growth and the effectiveness of proposed solutions. For instance, discussing a city that successfully managed population growth through specific policies would strengthen the argument.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that acknowledges the negative effects of urban population growth and suggests solutions. However, the phrasing in some areas is slightly vague, which can lead to confusion about the writer’s stance. For example, the phrase "some problems which can be anticipated" lacks assertiveness and specificity.
  • How to improve: The writer should strive for more definitive language to reinforce their position. Instead of using tentative phrases, they could assertively state the consequences of population growth and the necessity of the proposed solutions. This would enhance clarity and strengthen the overall argument.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to the effects of urbanization and potential solutions. However, the development of these ideas is somewhat superficial. For instance, while it mentions "improving infrastructures," it does not specify what types of infrastructure improvements would be beneficial or how they would impact quality of life.
  • How to improve: To improve this aspect, the writer should aim to extend their ideas with more detail and examples. For instance, they could elaborate on specific infrastructure projects (like public transportation systems) and explain how these would alleviate issues such as traffic congestion or housing shortages.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the effects of population growth and potential solutions. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharpened. For example, the mention of "indicating for their nations" in the conclusion feels somewhat disconnected from the main argument about quality of life.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every part of the essay directly relates to the main topic. They could also consider revising the conclusion to more clearly summarize the key points discussed in the essay, reinforcing the connection between population growth and quality of life.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the prompt and presents relevant ideas. By incorporating more specific examples, using clearer language, and extending their arguments, the writer could enhance their score further.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion:7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, starting with an introduction that outlines the main points to be discussed. The body paragraphs are organized into two main sections: the effects of rapid urban population growth and potential solutions to maintain quality of life. However, within these sections, the flow of ideas could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the direct effects of urbanization to the indirect effects is somewhat abrupt. The essay could benefit from clearer topic sentences that guide the reader through the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that summarize the main idea. Additionally, employing transitional phrases such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Conversely" can help create smoother transitions between ideas. This will aid in guiding the reader through the argument more effectively.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the topic. However, the paragraphs could be more balanced in length and depth. For example, the first body paragraph is quite dense with information, while the second is shorter and less detailed. This imbalance can disrupt the overall coherence of the essay.
  • How to improve: Aim for a more balanced approach by ensuring that each paragraph contains a similar amount of detail and analysis. Consider expanding on the second body paragraph by providing more examples or elaborating on the solutions proposed. This will create a more uniform structure and improve the overall readability of the essay.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Moreover," and "Consequently," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the phrase "It is due to the fact that" is somewhat awkward and could be replaced with a more straightforward transition.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For example, use "As a result," "In contrast," or "For instance" to create more nuanced connections between ideas. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately and contributes to the clarity of the argument. This will enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of coherence and cohesion, there are areas for improvement. By focusing on clearer organization, balanced paragraphing, and a wider range of cohesive devices, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with phrases such as "housing shortages," "overcrowding in hospitals," and "traffic congestion." However, the vocabulary used is somewhat repetitive, particularly in the second paragraph where terms like "quality of life" and "urban areas" are mentioned multiple times. The use of synonyms or more varied expressions could enhance the richness of the vocabulary.
  • How to improve: To improve, consider incorporating synonyms or related phrases. For example, instead of repeating "quality of life," you could use "living standards" or "well-being." Additionally, varying the terms used to describe urban issues (e.g., "metropolitan challenges" or "city-related problems") would contribute to a broader lexical range.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "influences the life quality" which should be "influences the quality of life." The phrase "attending with the huge demand" is also awkward and unclear; a more precise expression would be "accompanied by the huge demand." These inaccuracies can lead to confusion and detract from the overall clarity of the essay.
  • How to improve: Focus on ensuring that phrases are grammatically correct and convey the intended meaning clearly. Reviewing common collocations and phrases in English can help. For example, instead of "responding to their needs," consider "meeting their needs" for greater clarity. Regular practice with vocabulary exercises can also enhance precision.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "accomodations" (which should be "accommodations") and "indicating for their nations" (which is awkward and unclear). These errors can undermine the professionalism of the writing and affect the reader’s understanding.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After writing, take a break and then read the essay aloud to catch errors. Additionally, using spell-check tools or apps can help identify mistakes before submission. Regular practice with spelling exercises, especially focusing on commonly misspelled words, will also be beneficial.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource. Focus on expanding vocabulary, ensuring precision in word choice, and improving spelling accuracy to enhance overall writing quality.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures. For example, the use of complex sentences such as "As the dwellers in cities grow more, there are many issues which can be anticipated" shows an attempt to incorporate different grammatical forms. However, there are instances of repetitive structure, particularly in the use of "it can" and "there are," which limits the overall range. Additionally, the essay could benefit from more varied introductory phrases and clauses to enhance the flow and complexity of ideas.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more compound-complex sentences and varying the sentence openings. For instance, instead of starting multiple sentences with "It can," try using participial phrases or subordinate clauses. For example, "Increasing urban populations lead to…" or "Due to the rise in city dwellers, several issues arise…" This will not only enhance the variety but also improve the overall coherence of the essay.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical inaccuracies and punctuation errors. For instance, "it can directly influences" should be "it can directly influence," indicating a subject-verb agreement error. The phrase "increasing people in cities attending with the huge demand" is awkwardly constructed and could be rephrased for clarity. Additionally, punctuation issues such as missing commas in complex sentences (e.g., before "which" in "solutions which could be taken") detract from the clarity of the writing.
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is essential to review subject-verb agreement and ensure that verbs are correctly conjugated according to their subjects. Practicing sentence rephrasing can help clarify awkward constructions. For punctuation, familiarize yourself with the rules regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, particularly when introducing clauses. Reading the essay aloud can also help identify areas where punctuation may be lacking or where sentence structure could be improved for better flow.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, there are clear areas for improvement. By diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical and punctuation accuracy, the overall quality of the writing can be significantly enhanced.

Bài sửa mẫu

With the significant rise in urban populations, a range of issues arises for those living in these areas. This essay will examine the effects of this trend and propose possible solutions that should be implemented.

As urban populations increase, there are many issues that can be anticipated. Firstly, it can directly influence the quality of life in urban areas. Specifically, problems such as housing shortages, overcrowding in hospitals, traffic congestion, and unemployment, which are critical, become more severe. Moreover, it also indirectly affects the lives of people in mega cities by increasing the pressure on the environment. This is due to the fact that the increasing number of people in cities, driven by the huge demand for accommodations, food, and water, leads to significant environmental strain. Consequently, people may clear forests or hunt wildlife to meet their needs, resulting in a significant decline in the quality of life in these areas.

To maintain the quality of life for residents, several solutions could be implemented. Firstly, the government can invest funds and promote rural areas to develop as new industrial and commercial centers, which can accommodate the influx of migrants seeking a better life. This approach not only creates new economic opportunities but also fosters national development. Moreover, officials should focus on improving infrastructure, creating additional job opportunities, and addressing chronic issues in urban areas. As a result, residents can enjoy a better quality of life and concentrate on contributing to their nations’ development.

In conclusion, the increasing number of migrants in cities leads to both direct and indirect negative effects on the quality of life for residents. However, there are measures that the government can take to tackle these challenges effectively.