The population of many cities is growing rapidly. What are the effects on people living in these cities? What can be done to maintain the quality of life of these people?
The population of many cities is growing rapidly. What are the effects on people living in these cities? What can be done to maintain the quality of life of these people?
Rapid population increase is undoubtedly causing many large cities to face numerous challenges. Urban life is being strained by this increase, which requires quick attention.
The quality of life for city dwellers is greatly diminished by overcrowding. Increasingly severe traffic congestion, which raises the danger of traffic accidents, is one evident effect of this issue. For instance, during rush hour, residents in Ho Chi Minh City are frequently caught in traffic jams, which causes delays and lowers productivity at work. Additionally, because there are more cars in metropolitan areas with high population densities, there is an increase in air and noise pollution. In turn, air pollution raises the chance of numerous severe illnesses, such as mental health issues and headaches.
Governments and urban planners must work proactively to handle the population growth in metropolitan areas. Stricter immigration laws can be implemented to help curb this trend. For instance, by offering financial assistance and making investments in cutting-edge technologies to boost rural economies, governments might entice individuals to relocate to rural areas.
In summary, a lot of significant social and personal issues have arisen as a result of the fast urban population growth, particularly for city dwellers.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"Rapid population increase" -> "Rapid population growth"
Explanation: "Growth" is a more precise term in this context, as it specifically refers to the increase in population size over time, aligning better with academic and formal language standards. -
"Urban life is being strained" -> "Urban life is experiencing strain"
Explanation: "Experiencing strain" is a more formal and precise way to describe the impact of population growth on urban life, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence. -
"quick attention" -> "immediate attention"
Explanation: "Immediate attention" is more specific and formal, fitting better in an academic context where precision is crucial. -
"greatly diminished" -> "significantly reduced"
Explanation: "Significantly reduced" is a more formal and precise term that conveys the extent of the impact on quality of life more accurately. -
"Increasingly severe traffic congestion" -> "Increasing traffic congestion"
Explanation: Removing "severe" avoids redundancy and maintains the formal tone by focusing on the increasing nature of the issue. -
"raises the danger of traffic accidents" -> "increases the risk of traffic accidents"
Explanation: "Increases the risk" is a more precise and formal expression, suitable for academic writing. -
"residents in Ho Chi Minh City are frequently caught in traffic jams" -> "residents in Ho Chi Minh City often encounter traffic jams"
Explanation: "Often encounter" is a more formal and less colloquial phrase than "frequently caught," which is more suitable for academic writing. -
"raises the chance of numerous severe illnesses" -> "increases the likelihood of various severe illnesses"
Explanation: "Increases the likelihood" is a more precise and formal expression than "raises the chance," and "various" is preferred over "numerous" for a more academic tone. -
"a lot of significant social and personal issues" -> "numerous significant social and personal issues"
Explanation: "Numerous" is more precise and formal than "a lot," aligning better with academic style. -
"a lot of" -> "numerous"
Explanation: "Numerous" is more formal and precise than "a lot," which is too informal for academic writing.
These changes enhance the precision, formality, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic standards.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the first part of the prompt regarding the effects of rapid population growth on city dwellers, mentioning issues like traffic congestion and pollution. However, it does not adequately address the second part of the question, which asks what can be done to maintain the quality of life. The suggestion of stricter immigration laws and encouraging relocation to rural areas is insufficiently developed and lacks depth.
- How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the essay should include more specific strategies for maintaining quality of life, such as improving public transportation, increasing green spaces, or implementing better urban planning practices. Each suggestion should be elaborated with examples or potential benefits.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a general position that rapid population growth negatively affects city life. However, the position is not consistently clear throughout the essay. The transition from discussing the effects to suggesting solutions is abrupt, which may confuse readers about the writer’s stance on how to address these issues.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the essay should include a thesis statement that outlines both the problems and the proposed solutions. Each paragraph should clearly relate back to this thesis, ensuring that the reader understands the writer’s perspective throughout the essay.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas, such as traffic congestion and pollution, but these points are not fully extended or supported with sufficient detail. For example, while the mention of traffic jams in Ho Chi Minh City provides a specific instance, it lacks statistical data or broader implications that would strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To effectively present and support ideas, the essay should include more examples and data. Each point made should be elaborated upon with additional context or evidence. For instance, discussing the long-term health impacts of pollution or providing statistics on traffic-related accidents could enhance the argument.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the effects of population growth and some potential solutions. However, the discussion of immigration laws feels somewhat tangential and does not directly relate to maintaining the quality of life for current residents.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance to the topic, the essay should ensure that all points made directly relate to the quality of life for city dwellers. Avoid introducing ideas that do not clearly connect to the prompt, and instead, delve deeper into solutions that directly impact those living in urban areas.
In summary, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score, the writer should ensure all parts of the prompt are addressed, maintain a clear position throughout, provide more detailed support for ideas, and stay focused on the topic. Additionally, addressing the word count issue is crucial, as being under the required word limit can significantly impact the overall score.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with a logical progression of ideas. The introduction effectively sets the context by stating the problem of rapid population growth in cities. The body paragraphs follow a coherent structure, with the first paragraph discussing the negative effects of overcrowding and the second addressing potential solutions. For example, the transition from discussing traffic congestion to air and noise pollution is smooth, maintaining the reader’s understanding of the interconnected issues.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using more explicit linking phrases between ideas. For instance, when transitioning from traffic congestion to pollution, a phrase like "Moreover, this increase in vehicles not only contributes to traffic issues but also exacerbates environmental concerns" could strengthen the connection. Additionally, including a brief overview of the main points in the introduction could help guide the reader through the essay’s structure.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the topic. The first paragraph addresses the problems caused by population growth, while the second discusses solutions. However, the conclusion could be more developed, as it currently summarizes the main points without offering a final thought or call to action.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates its main idea. In the conclusion, consider restating the significance of addressing these issues and suggesting a broader implication or future direction, such as the importance of sustainable urban planning.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "for instance," "additionally," and "in summary," which help to connect ideas and guide the reader. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded to include more varied transitions and connectors, which would enhance the overall flow of the essay.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate phrases such as "on the other hand," "furthermore," or "consequently" to create more nuanced connections between ideas. For example, when discussing the effects of population growth, you might say, "Consequently, the increased demand for housing leads to higher living costs, further straining residents." This would not only improve cohesion but also demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.
Overall, the essay is well-structured and coherent, effectively addressing the prompt. By refining transitions, enhancing paragraph clarity, and diversifying cohesive devices, the essay could achieve an even higher level of coherence and cohesion.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary relevant to the topic of urban population growth. Terms such as "overcrowding," "traffic congestion," and "air pollution" are effectively used. However, the vocabulary tends to be somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "population growth" and "city dwellers." This limits the overall lexical variety and richness of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider incorporating synonyms or related terms. For instance, instead of repeating "population growth," you might use "urban expansion" or "demographic increase." Additionally, using more descriptive adjectives (e.g., "severe" can be replaced with "acute" or "critical") could enrich the language.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, but there are instances where word choice could be more precise. For example, the phrase "the chance of numerous severe illnesses" could be more accurately expressed as "the risk of various serious health conditions." The term "quick attention" is also vague and could be replaced with "immediate intervention" for clarity.
- How to improve: Focus on selecting words that convey specific meanings. When discussing effects, use terms like "consequences" or "implications" instead of "effects." Additionally, consider the context of your words; for instance, "urban planners" could be expanded to "urban development specialists" to specify the role more clearly.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay shows a good level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors in the vocabulary used. Words like "congestion," "pollution," and "illnesses" are spelled correctly, which reflects a solid command of basic spelling conventions.
- How to improve: To maintain and improve spelling accuracy, it is advisable to engage in regular reading and writing practice. Utilizing tools like spell checkers or apps that focus on vocabulary building can also help reinforce correct spelling. Additionally, reviewing common spelling patterns and frequently misspelled words can be beneficial.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a competent use of vocabulary, there is room for improvement in terms of variety, precision, and maintaining spelling accuracy. By diversifying vocabulary, refining word choice, and continuing to practice spelling, the essay can achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource category.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the sentence "Urban life is being strained by this increase, which requires quick attention" effectively uses a relative clause to add detail. Additionally, the use of phrases like "For instance" and "In summary" helps to create cohesion and clarity. However, there are instances where the sentence structures could be more varied; for example, the essay relies heavily on declarative sentences, which can make the writing feel somewhat monotonous.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences with subordinate clauses, as well as using different sentence beginnings. For instance, instead of starting several sentences with "The," try beginning with adverbial phrases or gerunds, such as "Increasing traffic congestion raises the danger of accidents." This will create a more dynamic flow and engage the reader more effectively.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy, with few errors. Most sentences are well-structured, and punctuation is used correctly, such as in the use of commas to separate clauses. However, there are minor issues, such as the phrase "which raises the danger of traffic accidents," where the word "which" could be replaced with "that" for a more precise restrictive clause. Additionally, the phrase "the chance of numerous severe illnesses" could be more clearly articulated as "the risk of various severe illnesses."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on refining the use of relative clauses and ensuring clarity in expression. Reviewing the rules for restrictive and non-restrictive clauses can help in making more precise choices. Additionally, practicing the identification and correction of common grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement and article usage, will enhance overall accuracy. Regularly proofreading the essay for punctuation and grammatical consistency will also be beneficial.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision.
Bài sửa mẫu
Rapid population growth is undoubtedly causing many large cities to face numerous challenges. Urban life is experiencing strain due to this increase, which requires immediate attention.
The quality of life for city dwellers is significantly reduced by overcrowding. Increasing traffic congestion, which increases the risk of traffic accidents, is one evident effect of this issue. For instance, during rush hour, residents in Ho Chi Minh City often encounter traffic jams, leading to delays and lowering productivity at work. Additionally, as the number of cars in metropolitan areas with high population densities rises, there is a corresponding increase in air and noise pollution. In turn, air pollution increases the likelihood of various severe illnesses, such as mental health issues and headaches.
Governments and urban planners must work proactively to address the challenges posed by population growth in metropolitan areas. Stricter immigration laws can be implemented to help curb this trend. For instance, by offering financial assistance and investing in cutting-edge technologies to boost rural economies, governments might entice individuals to relocate to rural areas.
In summary, numerous significant social and personal issues have arisen as a result of rapid urban population growth, particularly for city dwellers.