The population of many cities is growing rapidly. What are the effects on people living in these cities? What can we do to maintain the quality of life of these people?

Many metropolises around the world are witnessing the dramatic surge in its population size. With this change, there will be a host of negative impacts on the lives of city dwellers. In this essay, I will discuss these detrimental effects prior to propounding some viable solutions to balance resident’s living standards.

An exponential increase in urban areas’ population has influenced inhabitants to some varied extent, specifically increasing the unemployment rate and posing a risk to their health. Metropolitan areas are always known as economic hubs with a host of potential job opportunities, which appeals to a large number of people from rural areas with a hope of getting employed while enhancing their living standards with stable income. However, the trend seems to be reversed as the job market is more and more competitive as a result of an excessive number of workers, ultimately putting a huge strain on these people in terms of finance and contributing to the high unemployment rate. Furthermore, residing in urban areas also poses a threat to people’s health due to the deteriorating air quality. With a massive number of inhabitants, cities have to face a commensurate amount of gas released from vehicles, exacerbating the air quality and thereby leading to potential respiratory problems such as pneumonia and asthma.

With all the detrimental effects inflicted by an overly dense population, it is imperative to implement some measures to help alleviate these problems and enhance residents’ quality of life. First of all, governmental departments should enact employment policies in which under-qualified or inexperienced workers are equally allocated to different job sectors suiting their background and skills. Alternatively, complimentary or affordable courses on skill training should be available to encourage these people to attend to enhance their skills, which, in turn, facilitates their search for jobs. Secondly, regarding air pollution, more reliable and cost-efficient public transportation should be accessible to the public to foster their trust toward these infrastructure. Without congested roads in rush hours, the amount of carbon dioxide emitted to the environment would be significantly reduced, eventually improving the air quality and eliminating the health-related risks among city dwellers.
In conclusion, the outburst of city populations has put the lives of many residents at risk with problems regarding unemployment and life-threatening health issues. To lessen these drastic effects, there are some viable solutions policy-makers and residents can do such as adopting job plans, offering skill training courses and promoting the use of public transportation.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Many metropolises around the world are witnessing the dramatic surge in its population size." -> "Many cities worldwide are experiencing a significant increase in their population sizes."
Explanation: The phrase "dramatic surge" is somewhat informal and emotional for academic writing. "Experiencing a significant increase" is more neutral and precise, fitting the formal tone of an academic essay.
"With this change, there will be a host of negative impacts on the lives of city dwellers." -> "This change will have numerous adverse effects on the lives of urban residents."
Explanation: "Host of" is somewhat informal and vague. "Numerous adverse effects" is more specific and formal, and "urban residents" is a more precise term than "city dwellers."
"prior to propounding some viable solutions to balance resident’s living standards." -> "before presenting some feasible solutions to improve the living standards of residents."
Explanation: "Propounding" is an archaic and less common term; "presenting" is more straightforward and appropriate for modern academic writing. "Feasible" is also more commonly used than "viable" in this context.
"influenced inhabitants to some varied extent" -> "affected residents to varying degrees"
Explanation: "Influenced inhabitants" is awkward and unclear. "Affected residents" is more direct and appropriate, and "to varying degrees" is a more precise phrase than "to some varied extent."
"the job market is more and more competitive" -> "the job market has become increasingly competitive"
Explanation: "More and more" is informal and repetitive. "Has become increasingly" is more formal and avoids redundancy.
"a huge strain on these people in terms of finance" -> "significant financial strain on these individuals"
Explanation: "A huge strain" is informal and vague. "Significant financial strain" is more precise and formal, and "individuals" is preferred over "people" in academic writing for subjectivity.
"With a massive number of inhabitants, cities have to face a commensurate amount of gas released from vehicles" -> "With a large number of inhabitants, cities must contend with a corresponding amount of emissions from vehicles"
Explanation: "Have to face" is informal and imprecise. "Must contend with" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing. "Emissions" is a more specific term than "gas," and "corresponding" is more precise than "commensurate."
"complimentary or affordable courses" -> "complementary or affordable courses"
Explanation: "Complimentary" is typically used to describe something given free of charge, whereas "complementary" means supplementary or additional. This correction maintains the intended meaning of providing extra courses.
"facilitates their search for jobs" -> "enhances their job prospects"
Explanation: "Facilitates their search for jobs" is verbose and less direct. "Enhances their job prospects" is concise and more formal, fitting the academic style.
"more reliable and cost-efficient public transportation" -> "more reliable and cost-effective public transportation"
Explanation: "Cost-efficient" is correct but less common in this context; "cost-effective" is more widely accepted and understood in formal writing.
"foster their trust toward these infrastructure" -> "encourage their trust in these infrastructure"
Explanation: "Foster their trust toward" is awkward and incorrect. "Encourage their trust in" is grammatically correct and more natural in this context.
"the outburst of city populations" -> "the rapid growth of urban populations"
Explanation: "Outburst" is an informal and inaccurate term for population growth. "Rapid growth" is a more precise and formal term.
"there are some viable solutions policy-makers and residents can do" -> "there are some viable solutions that policymakers and residents can implement"
Explanation: "Can do" is informal and vague. "Can implement" is more specific and formal, and "policymakers" is the correct term for those who make policy.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt by discussing the negative effects of rapid population growth in urban areas, specifically focusing on unemployment and health risks due to air pollution. The author then proposes solutions to maintain the quality of life, such as implementing employment policies and improving public transportation. The structure is logical, with a clear separation between the problems and solutions, which enhances the overall coherence of the response.
- How to improve: To achieve a higher score, the essay could benefit from a more comprehensive exploration of the effects on quality of life beyond just unemployment and health. Including additional aspects such as housing shortages, increased crime rates, or social isolation could provide a more rounded view of the situation. Furthermore, elaborating on the solutions with more specific examples or case studies could strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, asserting that rapid population growth has detrimental effects and that specific measures can be taken to mitigate these issues. The introduction clearly outlines the intent to discuss both problems and solutions, and this is consistently reflected in the body paragraphs. The conclusion succinctly reiterates the main points, reinforcing the author’s stance.
- How to improve: While the position is clear, the essay could enhance its impact by using stronger linking phrases to connect ideas and reinforce the stance. For instance, phrases like "This clearly indicates that…" or "Therefore, it is essential that…" could be used to emphasize the importance of the proposed solutions in relation to the problems discussed.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas effectively, particularly in the discussion of unemployment and health risks. Each point is supported with relevant explanations and examples, such as the link between increased population density and deteriorating air quality. The proposed solutions are also well-articulated, demonstrating an understanding of the issues at hand.
- How to improve: To further enhance the development of ideas, the author could include statistics or studies to back up claims about unemployment rates or health issues. Additionally, providing more detailed examples of successful policies or initiatives from other cities that have tackled similar problems could lend more credibility to the proposed solutions.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, addressing the effects of population growth and the corresponding solutions without straying into unrelated areas. The clear structure helps maintain this focus, with each paragraph dedicated to a specific aspect of the prompt.
- How to improve: To ensure continued adherence to the topic, the author should be cautious of introducing overly broad statements or tangential ideas. Regularly revisiting the prompt during the writing process can help maintain focus. Additionally, using topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can reinforce the main idea being discussed and ensure it aligns with the essay prompt.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task requirements and presents a well-structured response. By expanding on the effects and solutions, incorporating supporting evidence, and enhancing the clarity of the position, the essay could achieve an even higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s intention to discuss both the effects of urban population growth and potential solutions. The body paragraphs are organized to first address the negative impacts (unemployment and health risks) before moving on to solutions. This logical progression helps the reader follow the argument. However, the transition between the effects and solutions could be more explicit, as the shift feels somewhat abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that clearly indicate the shift from discussing problems to solutions, such as "In light of these challenges" or "To counter these issues." Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence can help reinforce the main idea of that section.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate ideas, with distinct sections for the introduction, effects, solutions, and conclusion. Each body paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, which aids readability. However, the second body paragraph could be further divided into two separate paragraphs: one focusing on unemployment and the other on health risks, allowing for a more in-depth exploration of each issue.
- How to improve: Implement clearer paragraph breaks by introducing a new paragraph for each major point. For instance, after discussing unemployment, start a new paragraph when transitioning to health issues. This will provide a more organized structure and make it easier for the reader to digest each argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "however," "first of all," and "secondly," which help to connect ideas and guide the reader through the argument. Nevertheless, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded. For instance, the use of more varied linking words and phrases could enhance the fluidity of the text.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of connectors such as "furthermore," "in addition," "consequently," and "on the other hand." This will not only improve the essay’s cohesion but also enhance the overall sophistication of the writing. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately to maintain clarity and avoid confusion.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion with a clear structure and logical flow, there are areas for improvement. By refining the organization of paragraphs, enhancing transitions between ideas, and diversifying cohesive devices, the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay can be significantly strengthened.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms such as "metropolises," "detrimental effects," "exacerbating," and "commensurate." These choices reflect an ability to use varied language to convey complex ideas. However, some phrases, such as "a host of negative impacts" and "a massive number of inhabitants," could be further diversified to avoid repetition and enhance the lexical variety.
- How to improve: To improve, consider incorporating synonyms or alternative expressions. For instance, instead of repeating "a host of," you could use "a multitude of" or "numerous." Additionally, varying sentence structures and using more sophisticated vocabulary in discussing solutions could enhance the overall lexical range.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "the trend seems to be reversed" may imply a complete reversal, which is not clearly supported in the context. Additionally, "complimentary or affordable courses" could be misleading; "complimentary" suggests free, while "affordable" indicates low cost. The intended meaning may be clearer with a more precise choice of words.
- How to improve: Focus on ensuring that vocabulary choices accurately reflect the intended meaning. Instead of "complimentary," consider using "free" or "subsidized" if that is the intent. Clarifying phrases like "the trend seems to be reversed" by specifying what the trend is reversing from would enhance precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay shows a strong command of spelling, with no significant errors noted. Words such as "exponential," "deteriorating," and "facilitates" are spelled correctly, contributing to the overall clarity of the writing. However, the phrase "resident’s living standards" should be corrected to "residents’ living standards" to reflect the plural possessive form.
- How to improve: To maintain high spelling accuracy, it is beneficial to proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch minor errors like the one noted above. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with commonly misspelled words in academic writing can further enhance spelling proficiency.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of lexical resource with a band score of 7, there are areas for improvement. Expanding vocabulary range, ensuring precise word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy will contribute to achieving a higher band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and compound sentences. For instance, the use of phrases like "With this change, there will be a host of negative impacts" and "However, the trend seems to be reversed as the job market is more and more competitive" showcases an ability to combine ideas effectively. Additionally, the essay employs a mix of simple and complex clauses, which contributes to the overall fluency of the writing.
- How to improve: To further enhance the diversity of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases and transition words. For example, instead of repeatedly starting sentences with "However," alternatives like "On the other hand," or "Conversely," could be used. Additionally, experimenting with different sentence lengths and structures, such as using more conditional clauses or participial phrases, would add depth to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy, but there are a few notable errors. For instance, in the phrase "the dramatic surge in its population size," the pronoun "its" should refer to "metropolises," which is plural, thus creating a mismatch. Another example is "resident’s living standards," where the possessive form should be pluralized to "residents’" to correctly indicate multiple individuals. Punctuation is mostly accurate, but there are instances where commas could enhance clarity, such as before "which appeals to a large number of people" to separate the clause more clearly.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement and the correct use of possessive forms. A thorough proofreading process could help identify these errors. Additionally, practicing punctuation rules, particularly around clauses and conjunctions, would help in refining the clarity of the writing. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or peer reviews could also provide valuable feedback on grammatical choices.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and demonstrates a solid command of grammatical structures, focusing on the suggested improvements could elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Many metropolises around the world are witnessing a dramatic surge in their population sizes. This change will have numerous adverse effects on the lives of urban residents. In this essay, I will discuss these detrimental effects before presenting some feasible solutions to improve the living standards of residents.

The exponential increase in urban populations has influenced inhabitants to varying degrees, specifically by increasing the unemployment rate and posing risks to their health. Metropolitan areas are often known as economic hubs with a wealth of potential job opportunities, which attracts many individuals from rural areas who hope to secure employment and enhance their living standards with stable incomes. However, the trend seems to be reversing, as the job market has become increasingly competitive due to the excessive number of workers, ultimately placing significant financial strain on these individuals and contributing to the high unemployment rate. Furthermore, living in urban areas also poses a threat to people’s health due to deteriorating air quality. With a large number of inhabitants, cities must contend with a corresponding amount of emissions from vehicles, exacerbating air quality and leading to potential respiratory problems such as pneumonia and asthma.

Given the detrimental effects caused by an overly dense population, it is imperative to implement measures to help alleviate these problems and enhance residents’ quality of life. First of all, governmental departments should enact employment policies that ensure under-qualified or inexperienced workers are equally allocated to different job sectors that suit their backgrounds and skills. Alternatively, complementary or affordable courses on skill training should be made available to encourage these individuals to enhance their skills, which, in turn, will improve their job prospects. Secondly, regarding air pollution, more reliable and cost-effective public transportation should be accessible to the public to encourage their trust in this infrastructure. By reducing congestion on roads during rush hours, the amount of carbon dioxide emitted into the environment would be significantly decreased, ultimately improving air quality and mitigating health-related risks among city dwellers.

In conclusion, the rapid growth of urban populations has put the lives of many residents at risk due to issues related to unemployment and life-threatening health concerns. To lessen these drastic effects, there are some viable solutions that policymakers and residents can implement, such as adopting job plans, offering skill training courses, and promoting the use of public transportation.