The population off many cities is growing rapidly.What are the effects on people living in these cities? What can be done to maintain the quality of live of these people?

In this day and age, as urbanization becomes more prelavant around the world ,a myriad of cities have withness an increase in the size of their population. In this essay, I will explore the implications of the development before proposing some solutions to improve the quality of living of the cities dwellers.

As more people move to cities to live, the demand for travel would increase, causing a surge in traffic volume that can lead to congestion and polution. Also, the construction of more housing for newly-migrated people would reduce the amount of green space in urban regions, taking away the ability of the environment to filter pollutants and worsening the quallity of air conditons.

Although the increased size of the population in the cities can create many problem, there are effective solutions that can be applied to reduce the severity. First and foremost, the government must ensure access to education and job for people who live in rural or remote areas by investing in their infrastructures and facilities. Secondly, reducing the construction of new housing in urban areas and mandatorily keeping green spaces untouched can be effective in maintaining the ability of environmental to reduce pollution.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In this day and age" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "In this day and age" is a colloquial expression that can be replaced with "Currently" for a more formal and concise academic tone.
"prelavant" -> "prevalent"
Explanation: "Prelavant" is a typographical error. The correct term is "prevalent," which means widespread or common.
"withness" -> "witness"
Explanation: "Withness" is not a word. The correct term is "witness," which means to observe or experience something.
"the dwellers" -> "residents"
Explanation: "Dwellers" can be vague and less formal. "Residents" is more specific and appropriate for academic writing.
"the demand for travel" -> "the demand for transportation"
Explanation: "Travel" is too broad and informal for this context. "Transportation" is more precise and suitable for discussing urban infrastructure.
"polution" -> "pollution"
Explanation: "Polution" is a typographical error. The correct spelling is "pollution."
"worsening the quallity" -> "worsening the quality"
Explanation: "Quallity" is a typographical error. The correct spelling is "quality."
"conditons" -> "conditions"
Explanation: "Conditons" is a typographical error. The correct spelling is "conditions."
"problem" -> "problems"
Explanation: The singular "problem" should be pluralized to "problems" to match the context of multiple issues discussed.
"can be applied to reduce the severity" -> "can be implemented to mitigate the severity"
Explanation: "Applied" is too vague and informal; "implemented" is more precise and formal. "Mitigate" is also more specific than "reduce" in this context, suggesting a reduction in intensity or severity.
"must ensure access to education and job" -> "must ensure access to education and employment"
Explanation: "Job" is informal and less specific; "employment" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing.
"by investing in their infrastructures and facilities" -> "by investing in their infrastructure and facilities"
Explanation: "Infrastructures" should be singular to match the singular "investment."
"mandatorily keeping green spaces untouched" -> "mandating the preservation of green spaces"
Explanation: "Keeping green spaces untouched" is informal and vague. "Mandating the preservation of green spaces" is more formal and precise.
"can be effective in maintaining the ability of environmental to reduce pollution" -> "can be effective in maintaining the environmental’s ability to reduce pollution"
Explanation: "The ability of environmental" is awkward and grammatically incorrect. "The environmental’s ability" corrects this and clarifies the possessive.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the effects of population growth in cities, such as increased traffic congestion and pollution, as well as the reduction of green spaces. However, it only partially addresses the second part of the question regarding what can be done to maintain the quality of life for city dwellers. While it mentions solutions like improving access to education and job opportunities in rural areas and preserving green spaces, these solutions are not fully developed or directly linked to the effects mentioned.
- How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the essay should explicitly connect the proposed solutions to the identified problems. For instance, after discussing traffic congestion, the author could suggest specific measures like improving public transportation to alleviate this issue. More detailed solutions that directly respond to the effects mentioned would enhance the overall response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a general position on the issues caused by urban population growth and suggests that solutions can be implemented. However, the position lacks clarity and consistency. The transition between discussing problems and solutions is abrupt, and the essay does not consistently reinforce the main argument throughout.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the author should use topic sentences that clearly state the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, reiterating the main argument in the conclusion can help reinforce the position. Ensuring that each paragraph logically flows from one to the next will also enhance clarity.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are somewhat relevant but lack depth and development. For example, while the essay mentions increased traffic and pollution, it does not elaborate on the implications of these issues for residents’ quality of life. The solutions provided are also vague and not sufficiently supported with examples or evidence.
- How to improve: To effectively present, extend, and support ideas, the author should provide specific examples or data to illustrate the points made. For instance, discussing how traffic congestion affects daily life or citing studies on the benefits of green spaces would strengthen the argument. Expanding on each point with more detail and explanation will enhance the overall quality of the essay.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the effects of urban population growth and potential solutions. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly in the transition between discussing problems and solutions, which can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the author should ensure that each paragraph directly relates back to the main question. Using clear transitions and maintaining a logical structure will help keep the essay on topic. Additionally, regularly referring back to the prompt can help ensure that all points made are relevant to the question asked.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s intention. The body paragraphs logically follow, with the first discussing the effects of urban population growth and the second proposing solutions. However, the transition between the discussion of problems and solutions could be smoother. For instance, the phrase "Although the increased size of the population in the cities can create many problems" serves as a transition but feels somewhat abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the problems to the proposed solutions. For example, after discussing the problems, you could introduce the solutions with a phrase like, "To address these challenges, several effective solutions can be implemented."
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability. The first paragraph focuses on the implications of population growth, while the second discusses solutions. However, the introduction could be more clearly defined as a separate paragraph, and the second body paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences that encapsulate the main idea of the paragraph.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines its main idea. For instance, the second body paragraph could start with, "To mitigate the negative effects of urban population growth, several strategies must be considered." This would provide a clearer framework for the reader.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "also," "first and foremost," and "secondly," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be more explicit. For example, the phrase "Also, the construction of more housing…" could be better connected to the previous sentence to clarify that it is a consequence of increased population.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "in addition," "consequently," and "furthermore." Additionally, ensure that each sentence logically follows from the previous one, using phrases like "This leads to…" or "As a result…" to clarify relationships between ideas.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good level of coherence and cohesion, enhancing transitions, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will help achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "urbanization," "congestion," and "pollution" being appropriately used. However, the vocabulary is somewhat limited and repetitive, particularly in phrases like "increase in the size of their population" and "newly-migrated people." This indicates a reliance on common phrases rather than a broader lexical variety.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer could incorporate synonyms or related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "increase," alternatives like "growth," "expansion," or "surge" could be employed. Additionally, using more specific terms related to urban development, such as "infrastructure," "urban sprawl," or "metropolitan areas," would enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "the implications of the development," which lacks clarity regarding what specific development is being referred to. Furthermore, "the ability of environmental to reduce pollution" is grammatically incorrect and vague, as "environmental" should be "environment" and lacks specificity.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should ensure that vocabulary accurately conveys the intended meaning. For example, instead of saying "the implications of the development," the writer could specify "the implications of rapid urbanization." Additionally, revising phrases for grammatical accuracy and clarity, such as changing "the ability of environmental" to "the ability of the environment," would enhance precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, including "prelavant" (prevalent), "withness" (witness), "polution" (pollution), "quallity" (quality), and "conditons" (conditions). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading and utilize spell-check tools. Additionally, practicing spelling through vocabulary exercises or flashcards can help reinforce correct spelling. Reading more extensively can also expose the writer to correctly spelled words in context, aiding in retention and recall.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of lexical resource, there is significant room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By diversifying vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and focusing on spelling, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited variety of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, lacking complex structures that could enhance the sophistication of the writing. For instance, phrases such as "the demand for travel would increase" and "the construction of more housing for newly-migrated people would reduce" are straightforward but do not showcase a range of grammatical forms. The use of relative clauses or conditional sentences is minimal, which restricts the overall complexity of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences, such as those using subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying "the demand for travel would increase," the writer could say, "As the population grows, the demand for travel will inevitably increase, leading to significant traffic congestion." Practicing the use of various sentence types, including conditional and relative clauses, will enhance the overall grammatical range.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from clarity. For example, "prelavant" should be "prevalent," and "withness" should be "witness." Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as the missing comma after "world" in the first sentence. The phrase "the quality of living of the cities dwellers" should be corrected to "the quality of life for city dwellers." These errors indicate a lack of attention to detail and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading their work for spelling and grammatical errors. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can help identify mistakes. Furthermore, practicing punctuation rules, especially regarding commas and conjunctions, will enhance clarity. For instance, revising sentences to ensure proper punctuation, such as adding necessary commas for clarity, will improve the overall readability of the essay.

By addressing these areas—diversifying sentence structures and enhancing grammatical accuracy—the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criteria.

Bài sửa mẫu

In this day and age, as urbanization becomes more prevalent around the world, a myriad of cities have witnessed an increase in their population size. In this essay, I will explore the implications of this development before proposing some solutions to improve the quality of life for city residents.

As more people move to cities, the demand for transportation increases, leading to a surge in traffic volume that can cause congestion and pollution. Additionally, the construction of more housing for newly migrated individuals reduces the amount of green space in urban areas, diminishing the environment’s ability to filter pollutants and worsening the quality of air conditions.

Although the growing population in cities can create many problems, there are effective solutions that can be implemented to mitigate the severity. First and foremost, the government must ensure access to education and employment for people living in rural or remote areas by investing in their infrastructure and facilities. Secondly, reducing the construction of new housing in urban areas and mandating the preservation of green spaces can be effective in maintaining the environment’s ability to reduce pollution.

By addressing these issues, we can enhance the quality of life for residents in rapidly growing cities.