The process below shows how drinking water is made using solar power. Write a report for the university lecturer describing the information given below.

The flowchart provides a comprehensive description of the process of making drinking water using solar power.

In summary, there are five main steps in this process, beginning with the absorption of sunlight by the solar panel and ending with taking the water produced for use.

The process commences when the sunlight is accumulated and transformed into electricity. At the second stage of the process, a pump runs on electricity to force natural water up a pipe before being pumped and purified by a filter.

At the fourth stage of the process, the decontaminated water is stored in a tank placed on a wooden platform. In the final stage, clean water can be drawn from this tank into the moveable container for different purposes.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"comprehensive description" -> "thorough depiction"
Explanation: "Thorough depiction" offers a more precise and sophisticated alternative to "comprehensive description," elevating the vocabulary choice while maintaining clarity.
"accumulated and transformed" -> "captured and converted"
Explanation: "Captured and converted" is a more dynamic and descriptive choice than "accumulated and transformed," adding depth to the process description by emphasizing the active role of the solar panel in harnessing sunlight.
"runs on electricity" -> "operates on electricity"
Explanation: "Operates on electricity" conveys the function of the pump more formally and precisely compared to "runs on electricity," aligning better with the technical nature of the process being described.
"decontaminated water" -> "purified water"
Explanation: "Purified water" is a more concise and commonly used term than "decontaminated water," providing a clearer description of the water’s quality after filtration.
"moveable container" -> "portable receptacle"
Explanation: "Portable receptacle" offers a more formal and specific alternative to "moveable container," enhancing the precision and sophistication of the vocabulary choice.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by providing a clear overview of the main stages involved in making drinking water using solar power. It identifies the key steps involved in the process, including the absorption of sunlight, pumping and purification of water, storage in a tank, and extraction for use. The information is presented in a logical sequence, making it easy to follow the process from start to finish.

How to improve:
To enhance the essay and potentially achieve a higher band score, consider extending the description of each step to provide more detailed information where necessary. Additionally, ensure that all key features are fully highlighted and explained to offer a more comprehensive understanding of the process.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay logically organizes the information by sequentially describing the five main steps involved in making drinking water using solar power. There is a clear progression throughout the essay, with each step logically leading to the next. Additionally, the essay uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately, such as transition words like "in summary," "commences," "at the second stage," "at the fourth stage," and "in the final stage." These cohesive devices help to connect the ideas and maintain coherence.

Furthermore, the essay presents a clear central topic within each paragraph, with each paragraph focusing on one stage of the process. The overall structure of the essay is coherent, making it easy for the reader to follow the sequence of events.

How to improve: To further enhance coherence and cohesion, consider using a wider variety of cohesive devices to provide smoother transitions between ideas. Additionally, ensure that the referencing within the essay is clear and appropriate, reinforcing the logical flow of information. Finally, continue to manage paragraphing well, ensuring that each paragraph contains a clear central topic and that the overall structure of the essay remains logical and easy to follow.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, covering the necessary technical terms and processes related to solar-powered water production. There is an attempt to use less common vocabulary, such as "decontaminated," which adds some variety and depth to the lexical resource. However, there are some inaccuracies and repetitions in word choice and collocation, which slightly hinder the fluency and precision of the language used. For instance, the repetition of "pump" in consecutive sentences could have been avoided for better lexical diversity.

How to improve: To improve the lexical resource, the writer should aim for greater variety in vocabulary usage and try to avoid repetitive phrases. They can achieve this by employing synonyms and exploring different ways to express similar ideas. Additionally, paying closer attention to word choice and collocation to ensure accuracy and fluency would enhance the overall quality of the lexical resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation throughout. There is effective use of a variety of complex structures, such as subordinate clauses and compound sentences, which contribute to the overall coherence and clarity of the report. The majority of sentences are error-free, and the writer exhibits good control of grammar and punctuation. However, there are a few minor errors present, such as "the sunlight is accumulated" (should be "sunlight is absorbed" or "the sunlight accumulates"), and "pumped and purified by a filter" (should be "pumped up and purified by a filter"). These errors do not significantly impede communication but are noticeable.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical accuracy further, the writer should pay attention to minor errors such as verb agreement and preposition usage. Proofreading the essay carefully before submission can help identify and correct any remaining errors. Additionally, varying the sentence structures even more and incorporating a wider range of vocabulary could elevate the essay to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The flowchart delineates the process of generating potable water through solar energy.

To begin, sunlight is harnessed by the solar panel and converted into electricity. Subsequently, an electrically-powered pump propels untreated water up a conduit, where it undergoes filtration.

Following filtration, the purified water is stored in a tank situated atop a wooden platform. Ultimately, the water can be dispensed from this reservoir into a portable receptacle for various applications.