The process below shows how drinking water is made using solar power.

The diagrams provide an overview of the process of making drinking water with solar power.

From an overall perspective, it is evident that there are four steps in this process, beginning with collecting sunlight from the sun, and ending with pure water contained in a movable container.

In the first steps, a solar panel is used to absorb the heat of the sunlight during the day. After which, the heat of the sunlight is transformed and delivered to a converter which turns it into electricity. Subsequently, by using electricity, a pump water is operated to flow water to a water tank placed on a wooden platform.

Following that, the water is purified in the water tank so that it has the removal of dirt and other chemical substances. It is noticeable, there is tape attached to a tap, by which the water can be control. Finally, the clean water is placed in a movable container so that it can be preserved for a long time, and it is convenient to water consumers simultaneously.

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Errors and Improvements:

"pump water is operated" -> "a water pump is utilized"
Explanation: "Pump water is operated" lacks clarity and precision. Replacing it with "a water pump is utilized" makes the sentence clearer and more formal by specifying the tool used for the action.
"so that it has the removal of dirt" -> "to facilitate the removal of dirt"
Explanation: "So that it has the removal of dirt" is awkward and lacks conciseness. "To facilitate the removal of dirt" conveys the same meaning more effectively and maintains the formal tone of the essay.
"there is tape attached to a tap" -> "a valve is fitted with a controlling mechanism"
Explanation: "There is tape attached to a tap" is imprecise and colloquial. Replacing it with "a valve is fitted with a controlling mechanism" offers a more technical and precise description, fitting the context of the essay better.
"so that it can be preserved" -> "ensuring preservation"
Explanation: "So that it can be preserved" is redundant. "Ensuring preservation" succinctly conveys the same meaning with greater clarity and formality.
"convenient to water consumers simultaneously" -> "convenient for simultaneous consumer access"
Explanation: "Convenient to water consumers simultaneously" is awkward and lacks clarity. "Convenient for simultaneous consumer access" maintains clarity while expressing the same idea more effectively.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

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Band Score: 6.0
Explanation:
The essay adequately addresses the task by providing an overview of the process of making drinking water with solar power. The four main steps are outlined, including collecting sunlight, converting it into electricity, pumping water into a tank, purifying the water, and storing it in a container. Key features such as the use of solar panels, converters, pumps, and purification methods are highlighted.
How to improve:
To improve, the essay could provide more detail and clarity in certain areas. For instance, it could elaborate on the purification process and how exactly dirt and chemical substances are removed from the water. Additionally, ensuring grammatical accuracy and clarity of expression would enhance the overall coherence and effectiveness of the essay.
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Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation:
The essay presents the information with some basic organization and there is a general sense of progression through the process description. However, the use of cohesive devices such as transitions, referencing, and conjunctions is inconsistent and sometimes inaccurate. Some terms are repeated without much variation or clear substitution, which affects the overall flow of the essay. The paragraphing, while present, could be better structured to enhance the logical flow of ideas.

How to improve:
To achieve a higher band score, consider the following suggestions:

Work on using a wider range of cohesive devices like transitions, referencing, and conjunctions to improve the flow and linkage between sentences and paragraphs.
Review paragraph structure and aim to present a clearer central topic within each paragraph, ensuring that the content logically flows from one section to the next.
Check for overuse of specific terms and try to use synonyms or varied phrases to avoid repetition.
Ensure the correct use of referencing and avoid confusion in cohesion through precise language choices.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, covering the essential steps of the process. There is an attempt to use less common vocabulary, such as "converter" and "purified," but with some inaccuracies and instances of awkward phrasing ("Subsequently, by using electricity, a pump water is operated…"). Some errors in word choice and word formation are present, such as "tape attached to a tap," which could be improved for clarity and precision. Overall, while the vocabulary is sufficient, there is room for improvement in accuracy and fluency.

How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, focus on refining word choice and sentence structures. Use terminology more precisely and employ a wider variety of vocabulary where appropriate. Proofread carefully to correct inaccuracies and ensure smooth expression of ideas. Additionally, strive for greater coherence and cohesion in connecting ideas to convey the process more clearly.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, incorporating various elements of the process in a clear sequence. While there are some errors in grammar and punctuation throughout the essay, they do not significantly hinder communication.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical accuracy, focus on refining sentence structures and ensuring subject-verb agreement. Additionally, pay attention to punctuation, such as using commas to separate clauses and items in a series accurately. Proofreading for clarity and coherence can also help improve overall effectiveness.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided diagrams illustrate the process of producing drinking water utilizing solar power.

From an overarching perspective, it is evident that the process consists of four main stages, commencing with the collection of sunlight and culminating in the storage of purified water in a portable container.

In the initial stages, a solar panel harnesses sunlight’s heat during daylight hours. Subsequently, this heat is converted into electricity via a converter. Following this, electricity powers a water pump, facilitating the transfer of water to a storage tank situated on a wooden platform.

Subsequent to this, the water undergoes purification within the tank to eliminate impurities and chemical substances. Notably, a valve mechanism is affixed to a tap, enabling the regulation of water flow. Ultimately, the purified water is stored in a movable container, ensuring prolonged preservation and convenient distribution to consumers.