The provided table depicts a comprehensive comparison among three major types of dwelling in Victoria, the Northern Territory and Tasmania over the course of 5 years, starting from 2001 to 2006.

Upon closer examination of Victoria, houses initially stood at 79% in 2001, making it the predominant figure in terms of the other dwellings, then experiencing a slight 3% drop in 2006. In contrast, three other types of dwellings reflected a mere 1% uptick in the same period.

Regarding the Northern Territory, there was a minimal drop in the preference of houses, decreasing from 65% to 63%. A similar pattern was witnessed in the percentage of others, which accounted for 14% in 2001, followed by a trivial decrease of 3% after 5 years. However, semi-attached houses and apartments depicted a small uplift to 15% and 11% in 2006, respectively.

When it comes to Tasmania, houses seemed to be the most prevalent accommodation with a trivial climb from 88% to 89%, whereas three other choices depicted just under 10% over the time frame analyzed.

Overally, houses seemed likely to be the most favored accommodation in three different territories.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The provided table" -> "The table provided"
Explanation: In formal academic writing, it is more common to place the adjective "provided" after the noun "table" to maintain a more formal structure.
"comprehensive comparison" -> "comparative analysis"
Explanation: "Comparative analysis" is a more precise term in academic contexts, suggesting a detailed examination and evaluation of differences and similarities.
"houses initially stood at 79%" -> "houses initially comprised 79%"
Explanation: "Comprised" is more precise and formal than "stood at," which is less commonly used in academic writing to describe percentages.
"making it the predominant figure" -> "making it the predominant type"
Explanation: "Type" is more specific and appropriate in this context, referring directly to the category of dwellings.
"a slight 3% drop" -> "a 3% decrease"
Explanation: "Decrease" is a more formal and precise term than "drop," which can be seen as colloquial.
"three other types of dwellings reflected a mere 1% uptick" -> "the other types of dwellings experienced a 1% increase"
Explanation: "Experienced" is more formal than "reflected," and "increase" is a clearer and more standard term than "uptick."
"minimal drop" -> "small decrease"
Explanation: "Small decrease" is a more precise and formal way to describe a small change in quantity.
"trivial decrease" -> "small decrease"
Explanation: "Trivial" can imply insignificance or lack of importance, which may not be the intended meaning in this context. "Small" is neutral and more appropriate.
"semi-attached houses and apartments depicted a small uplift" -> "semi-detached houses and apartments experienced a small increase"
Explanation: "Experienced" is more appropriate for describing changes in quantity, and "increase" is more commonly used than "uplift" in formal writing.
"trivial climb" -> "small increase"
Explanation: Similar to the previous point, "small increase" is more neutral and formal compared to "trivial climb," which can be seen as colloquial.
"just under 10%" -> "approximately 10%"
Explanation: "Approximately" is more precise and formal than "just under," which can be vague and informal.
"Overally" -> "Overall"
Explanation: "Overall" is the correct spelling and is more commonly used in formal academic writing.

These changes enhance the formal tone and precision of the text, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay addresses the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the main trends in the data. The essay presents information appropriately selected, but the details are not always accurate. For example, the essay states that "houses seemed to be the most favored accommodation in three different territories," but this is not entirely accurate. While houses were the most prevalent type of dwelling in all three territories, the percentage of houses varied significantly between the territories.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more accurate and specific details about the data. For example, the essay could state that houses were the most prevalent type of dwelling in Victoria, Tasmania, and the Northern Territory, but that the percentage of houses was highest in Tasmania, followed by Victoria, and then the Northern Territory. The essay could also provide more specific details about the changes in the percentage of each type of dwelling over time. For example, the essay could state that the percentage of houses in Victoria decreased by 3% between 2001 and 2006, while the percentage of semi-attached houses increased by 1%.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay presents information in a coherent manner, with a clear overall progression of ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific region, and there is a logical flow from one point to the next. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat mechanical, and there are instances where referencing could be clearer. The paragraphing is present but could be improved for better clarity and organization. Overall, while the essay meets the basic requirements for coherence and cohesion, there are noticeable areas for improvement.

How to improve:

Enhance Cohesive Devices: Use a wider variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas more fluidly. Avoid repetitive phrases and consider synonyms or alternative expressions to maintain interest.
Clarify Referencing: Ensure that pronouns and references are clear and unambiguous. For instance, instead of using "three other types of dwellings," specify what those types are for clarity.
Improve Paragraph Structure: Each paragraph should not only focus on a specific region but also include a concluding sentence that summarizes the main point of that paragraph, reinforcing the overall argument.
Avoid Mechanical Language: Aim for a more natural flow in writing by varying sentence structures and lengths, which can help in making the essay more engaging.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, with some attempts to use less common vocabulary such as "predominant," "uplift," and "trivial." However, there are inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "trivial climb" and "reflected a mere 1% uptick," which may not convey precise meanings. Additionally, there are some errors in spelling and word formation, such as "Overally," which detracts from the overall clarity but does not impede communication significantly.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should aim to use a wider variety of vocabulary with greater precision and appropriateness. This includes avoiding awkward phrases and ensuring that less common lexical items are used correctly. Additionally, reducing spelling errors and refining word formation will contribute to a more polished essay. Engaging with more sophisticated vocabulary and idiomatic expressions can also help achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6 score. While there are some effective complex structures, the essay contains several grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that occasionally hinder clarity. For instance, phrases like "making it the predominant figure in terms of the other dwellings" could be more clearly articulated. Additionally, minor punctuation errors are present, such as the inconsistent spacing before "in 2006" and "in 2001." Overall, the communication is maintained, but the errors are noticeable and detract from the overall quality.
How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Increase Sentence Variety: Incorporate a wider range of complex structures and ensure that they are used accurately.
Proofreading: Carefully check for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Reading the essay aloud can help identify areas that may be unclear.
Punctuation Practice: Work on punctuation rules to avoid errors that can disrupt the flow of the essay.
Clarity and Precision: Aim for clearer expression of ideas, ensuring that each sentence conveys its intended meaning without ambiguity.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided table depicts a comprehensive comparison among three major types of dwelling in Victoria, the Northern Territory, and Tasmania over the course of five years, from 2001 to 2006.

Upon closer examination of Victoria, houses initially stood at 79% in 2001, making it the predominant type of dwelling compared to the others, before experiencing a slight 3% drop by 2006. In contrast, the three other types of dwellings reflected a mere 1% increase during the same period.

Regarding the Northern Territory, there was a minimal decline in the preference for houses, decreasing from 65% to 63%. A similar pattern was observed in the percentage of other dwellings, which accounted for 14% in 2001, followed by a trivial decrease of 3% after five years. However, semi-attached houses and apartments showed a small increase to 15% and 11% in 2006, respectively.

In Tasmania, houses appeared to be the most prevalent accommodation, with a slight rise from 88% to 89%, whereas the three other types of dwellings remained just under 10% throughout the analyzed time frame.

Overall, houses seemed to be the most favored accommodation across the three different territories.