The table and charts below give information on the police budget for 2017 and 2018 in one area of Britain. The table shows where the money came from and the charts show how it was distributed. abc Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table and charts below give information on the police budget for 2017 and 2018 in one area of Britain. The table shows where the money came from and the charts show how it was distributed.
abc

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

These two graphs depict money spent on police and the money that police used for several things from 2017 to 2018.
Overall, it is clear that the money the police received is increased throughout years. The National contributed the highest amount of money followed by the Local Taxes, whereas the other sources accounted the smallest amount of that. On the other hand, the use the most money for salaries then technology, while the buildings and transport is the lowest.
To begin with, In 2017, the National government gave police about 175.5m,but in 2018 that money raised to 177.8m,which was the highest sum of money. Moreover, the money of Local Taxex which was contributed to policeman grown from 91,2m to 102,3m in 2017 to 2018. In the same period of time, the amount of money received from other sources had rise from 38m to 38,5m which was the lowest in police stations.
Turning to the pie chart, the police spent the most money on salaries in 2 years from 75% to 69%.It is witnessed that the money which accounted 17% on buildings and transport remained unchanged, whereas the technology was the lowest figure, which had the big increased from 8% to 14% in the same period

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "money spent on police" -> "funds allocated to the police"
   Explanation: "Funds allocated to the police" is a more precise and formal term that better suits an academic context than the more casual "money spent on police."

2. "the money that police used for several things" -> "the funds allocated by the police for various purposes"
   Explanation: "Funds allocated by the police for various purposes" is more specific and formal, avoiding the vague and informal "used for several things."

3. "it is clear that the money the police received is increased" -> "it is evident that the funds received by the police have increased"
   Explanation: "It is evident that the funds received by the police have increased" corrects the grammatical error and uses "have increased" to maintain the correct verb tense.

4. "the National contributed the highest amount of money" -> "the National government contributed the largest amount of funds"
   Explanation: "The National government contributed the largest amount of funds" specifies the entity and uses "largest" for a more precise comparison.

5. "accounted the smallest amount of that" -> "accounted for the smallest proportion of that"
   Explanation: "Accounted for the smallest proportion of that" is grammatically correct and more precise in an academic context.

6. "the use the most money for salaries" -> "the majority of funds were allocated for salaries"
   Explanation: "The majority of funds were allocated for salaries" is grammatically correct and more formal.

7. "then technology, while the buildings and transport is the lowest" -> "then for technology, while the funds allocated for buildings and transport were the lowest"
   Explanation: This revision corrects the grammatical error and clarifies the comparison.

8. "In 2017, the National government gave police about 175.5m,but in 2018 that money raised to 177.8m" -> "In 2017, the National government allocated approximately 175.5 million, whereas in 2018, this allocation increased to 177.8 million"
   Explanation: This revision corrects the informal "gave" to "allocated" and uses formal numbers with millions.

9. "the money of Local Taxex which was contributed to policeman" -> "the funds from Local Taxes, which were allocated to the police"
   Explanation: "Funds from Local Taxes, which were allocated to the police" corrects the misuse of "money of" and "policeman" to "police."

10. "had rise from 38m to 38,5m" -> "increased from 38 million to 38.5 million"
    Explanation: "Increased from 38 million to 38.5 million" corrects the spelling and uses a more formal numerical format.

11. "the money which accounted 17% on buildings and transport" -> "the funds allocated for buildings and transport, which accounted for 17%"
    Explanation: "The funds allocated for buildings and transport, which accounted for 17%" corrects the grammatical structure and uses "accounted for" for clarity.

12. "the big increased from 8% to 14%" -> "a significant increase from 8% to 14%"
    Explanation: "A significant increase from 8% to 14%" uses more precise and formal language appropriate for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main features of the data, but it does not fully satisfy all the requirements of the task. The essay does not adequately highlight the key features of the data, and it does not make clear comparisons between the two years. For example, the essay states that the police spent the most money on salaries in both years, but it does not mention that the percentage of the budget spent on salaries decreased from 75% to 69%.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a more detailed overview of the data, highlighting the key features of the data, and making clear comparisons between the two years. The essay could also be improved by using more precise language and avoiding unnecessary repetition. For example, instead of saying "the money the police received is increased throughout years," the essay could say "the police budget increased from 304.7m in 2017 to 318.6m in 2018."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While it attempts to summarize the data and make comparisons, the connections between ideas are sometimes unclear, leading to confusion. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and occasionally inaccurate, which detracts from the clarity of the writing. Additionally, paragraphing is present but not always logical, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on the following areas:

1. Clear Structure: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that ideas flow logically from one to the next.
2. Cohesive Devices: Use a wider range of cohesive devices effectively, avoiding repetition and ensuring that they enhance clarity rather than detract from it.
3. Logical Progression: Improve the overall progression of ideas by clearly linking sentences and paragraphs, making it easier for the reader to follow the argument.
4. Proofreading: Check for grammatical errors and punctuation, as these can disrupt the flow of the essay and affect coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to convey the main features of the data, the language used is often repetitive and lacks sophistication. There are noticeable errors in spelling (e.g., "Local Taxex") and word formation (e.g., "the use the most money"), which can cause some difficulty for the reader. Additionally, the essay does not effectively utilize less common lexical items or show awareness of style and collocation, which are necessary for a higher band score.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary by incorporating a wider range of terms relevant to the topic. They should also pay attention to spelling and grammatical accuracy to avoid errors that impede understanding. Using synonyms and varying sentence structures can help reduce repetition and improve the overall quality of the essay. Additionally, practicing the use of more sophisticated vocabulary and phrases will contribute to a more natural and fluent expression of ideas.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily using simple sentences with some attempts at complex structures. However, there are frequent grammatical errors, such as incorrect verb forms ("the money the police received is increased"), punctuation issues (missing spaces after commas), and inaccuracies in word choice ("the money that police used for several things"). These errors can cause some difficulty for the reader, impacting the clarity of the information presented.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on the following areas:

1. Variety of Sentence Structures: Incorporate a wider range of complex sentences to demonstrate grammatical flexibility.
2. Error Correction: Proofread the essay to identify and correct grammatical and punctuation errors, ensuring that sentences are clear and accurate.
3. Word Choice: Use precise vocabulary to convey information more effectively, avoiding vague phrases like "several things."
4. Clarity and Cohesion: Improve the logical flow of ideas by using linking words and phrases to connect sentences and paragraphs more effectively.

Bài sửa mẫu

These two graphs depict the money spent on police and the sources of funding for various expenditures from 2017 to 2018.

Overall, it is clear that the police budget increased over the years. The National government contributed the highest amount of funding, followed by Local Taxes, while other sources accounted for the smallest share. In terms of expenditures, the majority of the budget was allocated to salaries, followed by technology, with buildings and transport receiving the least funding.

To begin with, in 2017, the National government provided approximately £175.5 million to the police, and this amount rose to £177.8 million in 2018, representing the highest contribution. Moreover, the funding from Local Taxes increased from £91.2 million in 2017 to £102.3 million in 2018. During the same period, the amount received from other sources rose slightly from £38 million to £38.5 million, which remained the lowest figure for police funding.

Turning to the pie chart, the police allocated the largest portion of their budget to salaries over the two years, decreasing from 75% to 69%. It is noteworthy that the percentage allocated to buildings and transport remained unchanged at 17%, whereas the expenditure on technology, which was the lowest figure, saw a significant increase from 8% to 14% during the same period.