The table and pie chart give information about the population in Australia according to different nationalities and areas. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The table and pie chart illustrate the distribution of Australia's residents across nationalities and regions.

Overall, there is a discernible trend where Australians hold a dominant position in Australia’s inhibitions. In addition, urban areas tend to become the residential destination for the majority of the population.

Examining the first pie chart reveals that 73% of Australian residents are Australian people, marking the most substantial proportion among all ethnicities. Additionally, 14% of the Australian community belongs to other nationalities, which was twice the figure for the British. On the other hand, Chinese, Dutch, and New Zealanders shared some resemblances in the figure, with approximately 2% of Australia's inhabitants – the lowest recorded figure in all ethnicities.

In terms of living areas, nearly all Chinese people tend to reside in urban areas, indicating the highest figure among all surveyed nationalities. Regarding New Zealanders and British, the proportion of people who choose to stay in the city shares some correlations, at around 90% while 10% are recorded to inhabit the rural areas. The figures for Australian and Dutch people living in the countryside are half of that of New Zealanders, with 20% and 17% respectively.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"inhibitions" -> "population"
Explanation: The term "inhibitions" is incorrectly used here, likely a typographical error. The correct term is "population," which refers to the number of people living in a particular area or country, aligning with the context of the table and pie chart.
"tend to become" -> "tend to be"
Explanation: "Tend to become" is redundant as "become" implies a change in state, which is not necessary when describing a general tendency. "Tend to be" is more precise and appropriate in this context, indicating a general characteristic of the population.
"the most substantial proportion among all ethnicities" -> "the largest proportion among all ethnic groups"
Explanation: "Ethnicities" is not typically used to refer to specific groups within a population. "Ethnic groups" is the correct term, providing a more precise and academically appropriate expression.
"some resemblances in the figure" -> "similar proportions"
Explanation: "Some resemblances in the figure" is awkward and unclear. "Similar proportions" is more direct and clearer, effectively conveying the comparison between the percentages of different ethnic groups.
"nearly all Chinese people tend to reside in urban areas" -> "almost all Chinese residents reside in urban areas"
Explanation: "Tend to reside" is less definitive and slightly informal. "Reside" is more direct and appropriate for academic writing, and "almost all" is a more precise quantifier than "nearly all," which is vague.
"shares some correlations" -> "have similar proportions"
Explanation: "Shares some correlations" is an awkward and unclear phrase. "Have similar proportions" is straightforward and clearly communicates the similarity in percentages among the ethnic groups.
"the highest figure among all ethnicities" -> "the highest proportion among all ethnic groups"
Explanation: Similar to earlier, "figure" is incorrectly used here. "Proportion" is the correct term for describing percentages in this context, aligning with the academic style.
"chose to stay in the city" -> "reside in the city"
Explanation: "Chose to stay" is informal and implies a personal decision, whereas "reside" is a more formal and appropriate verb for describing where people live, fitting the academic tone better.
"are half of that of" -> "are less than half of"
Explanation: "Are half of that of" is grammatically awkward and unclear. "Are less than half of" is grammatically correct and more precise, providing a clearer comparison between the percentages.

These changes enhance the precision, clarity, and formality of the text, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay addresses the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the main features of the data. The essay also presents and adequately highlights key features/bullet points, but some details are irrelevant or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that "nearly all Chinese people tend to reside in urban areas," which is not accurate as the table shows that 99% of Chinese people live in urban areas.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more accurate and relevant details. For example, the essay could state that "the majority of Chinese people live in urban areas, with 99% residing in cities." The essay could also be improved by providing more comparisons between the different nationalities. For example, the essay could compare the percentage of Australians who live in urban areas to the percentage of British people who live in urban areas.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.5

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates coherence and cohesion at a level around Band 6. While the overall progression is clear and there is an attempt to organize information logically, there are areas where cohesion could be improved. The essay uses cohesive devices effectively in some places, but there are instances where cohesion within and between sentences could be more effectively managed. Paragraphing is generally used, but it could be more logically structured to enhance clarity and organization.

How to improve:

Cohesion: Ensure that cohesive devices are used consistently and effectively throughout the essay. Work on linking sentences more clearly to maintain smooth flow and logical progression of ideas.
Paragraphing: Focus on organizing paragraphs more logically to better reflect the structure of the information being presented. Each paragraph should clearly address a central topic or aspect of the data, improving overall coherence.

This feedback aims to help enhance the essay’s coherence and cohesion, aligning it more closely with Band 7 criteria.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary appropriate for the task. It effectively communicates the main features of the data presented, using terms like "distribution," "nationalities," "urban areas," "residential destination," and "inhabitants." Attempts are made to vary vocabulary with phrases like "discernible trend," "dominant position," and "marked the most substantial proportion." However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more varied and precise, such as using "ethnicities" instead of "nationalities" consistently. Some inaccuracies in word choice are evident, like "inhibitions" instead of "inhabitants." There are minor errors in word formation, such as "urban areas tend to become" instead of "tend to be."

How to improve:
To achieve a higher band score, aim to use a wider variety of vocabulary more consistently throughout the essay. Pay attention to precise word choice and collocation, ensuring terms fit contextually and accurately describe the data presented. Work on improving word formation to enhance clarity and fluency.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a mix of both simple and complex sentence structures. It effectively communicates the main features of the data, such as population distribution across nationalities and regions in Australia. There is an attempt at using complex sentences, although not consistently throughout. The essay generally maintains clarity, with occasional errors in grammar and punctuation that do not significantly hinder understanding. For instance, minor issues like "Australia’s inhibitions" instead of "Australia’s inhabitants" and "urban areas tend to become the residential destination" could be improved for accuracy and clarity.

How to improve:
To improve the grammatical range and accuracy score, aim to use a wider variety of sentence structures consistently throughout the essay. Pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement ("urban areas tend to become" could be corrected to "urban areas tend to be" or "urban areas tend to become the preferred residential destinations"). Also, review punctuation rules to ensure correct usage throughout the essay. Practicing more complex sentence structures and proofreading for grammar and punctuation errors will enhance overall clarity and accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

The table and pie chart depict the distribution of Australia’s population by nationality and residential areas.

Overall, Australians constitute the largest segment of the population. Urban areas are the preferred residential choice for the majority of inhabitants.

According to the pie chart, Australians represent 73% of the total population, the highest among all nationalities. Other nationalities comprise 14%, which is double the percentage of British residents. Conversely, Chinese, Dutch, and New Zealanders each make up approximately 2% of the population, the lowest recorded figures.

Regarding residential areas, nearly all Chinese residents live in urban areas, the highest proportion among the nationalities surveyed. The figures for New Zealanders and British show a similar trend, with about 90% residing in urban areas and 10% in rural areas. Australians and Dutch residents living in rural areas account for half of the percentage of New Zealanders, at 20% and 17% respectively.