The table and pie chart give information about the population of Australia according to different nationalities and areas

The pie chart illustrates the diversity of nationalities in the country of Australia while the table compares the distribution of people, both locals and immigrants, in different parts of the country.

Overall, the majority of inhabitants in Australia are the locals. In addition, most of those living here, regardless of where they come from, have a preference of a life in cities over in rural areas.

To begin with, 73% of the Australian population is Australian, as opposed to the second most common nationality, which is British, with just 7%. The Chinese constitute a much lower proportion, with 2% while New Zealanders are three times as common as the Dutch, with 3% for the former and 1% for the latter. The remaining 14% is composed of those from other nations and territories.

Regarding the table, 99% of individuals whose motherland is China prefer being urbanites, compared to the other demographics, whose figures range from 80% to 90%. The rest of them, no more than 20% each, opt to dwell in the countryside

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The pie chart illustrates" -> "The pie chart depicts"
Explanation: "Depicts" is a more precise and formal term than "illustrates" in academic contexts, enhancing the formality of the language.
"diversity of nationalities" -> "national diversity"
Explanation: "National diversity" is a more concise and academically appropriate term that directly refers to the variety of nationalities, avoiding redundancy.
"the majority of inhabitants in Australia are the locals" -> "the majority of Australian inhabitants are locals"
Explanation: Removing "in" before "inhabitants" corrects the grammatical structure, making the phrase more direct and formal.
"have a preference of a life in cities over in rural areas" -> "prefer urban life to rural areas"
Explanation: Simplifying "have a preference of a life in cities over in rural areas" to "prefer urban life to rural areas" clarifies and streamlines the expression, making it more concise and formal.
"To begin with" -> "Initially"
Explanation: "Initially" is a more formal and precise temporal marker than "To begin with," which is somewhat colloquial.
"just 7%" -> "only 7%"
Explanation: "Only" is more appropriate in formal writing to emphasize the limited quantity, replacing the less formal "just."
"The Chinese constitute a much lower proportion" -> "The Chinese constitute a significantly lower proportion"
Explanation: Adding "significantly" enhances the academic tone by specifying the degree of difference, which is important in formal analysis.
"three times as common" -> "threefold more common"
Explanation: "Threefold more common" is a more precise and formal way to express the comparative frequency.
"The remaining 14% is composed of those from other nations and territories" -> "The remaining 14% comprises individuals from other nations and territories"
Explanation: "Comprises" is a more formal verb than "is composed of," and specifying "individuals" instead of "those" enhances clarity and formality.
"whose motherland is China" -> "from China"
Explanation: "From China" is a more direct and formal way to indicate origin, avoiding the less common and slightly awkward "motherland."
"compared to the other demographics, whose figures range from 80% to 90%" -> "compared to other demographics, whose figures range from 80% to 90%"
Explanation: Removing "the" before "other demographics" corrects the article usage, aligning with the singular form "demographics."
"no more than 20% each" -> "no more than 20%"
Explanation: Removing "each" corrects the redundancy and maintains the formal tone by avoiding unnecessary repetition.

These changes enhance the academic tone of the essay by using more precise and formal vocabulary, improving clarity and correctness.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay addresses the requirements of the task and presents an overview with information appropriately selected. The essay presents and adequately highlights key features/ bullet points, but details may be irrelevant, inappropriate or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that "the majority of inhabitants in Australia are the locals", which is true, but the essay does not provide any specific data to support this claim. The essay also states that "most of those living here, regardless of where they come from, have a preference of a life in cities over in rural areas", which is not entirely accurate. While the majority of people from each nationality prefer to live in cities, the essay does not provide any data to support the claim that this is true for "most of those living here".

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more specific data to support the claims made. For example, the essay could state that "73% of the Australian population is Australian, which is significantly higher than the proportion of any other nationality". The essay could also provide more specific data on the preference for living in cities or rural areas. For example, the essay could state that "99% of individuals whose motherland is China prefer being urbanites, which is the highest proportion of any nationality".

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates some organization but lacks clear overall progression. It attempts to present information about nationalities and their preference for urban versus rural living, but the progression is somewhat disjointed. There are attempts at paragraphing, but they are not consistently logical or appropriately used. Cohesive devices are used inconsistently and sometimes inaccurately, leading to occasional repetition and lack of clear referencing.

How to improve:

Clearer Structure: Ensure each paragraph focuses clearly on a central topic related to the prompt (nationalities and urban/rural preference).
Logical Progression: Ensure information flows logically from one point to the next, avoiding abrupt transitions.
Consistent Use of Cohesive Devices: Use cohesive devices (e.g., pronouns, conjunctions) consistently and accurately to connect ideas and avoid repetition.
Improved Paragraphing: Organize paragraphs logically to enhance readability and coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a somewhat limited range of vocabulary, which adequately describes the general information presented in the table and pie chart about Australia’s population. The vocabulary used is functional but lacks variety and sophistication, with some basic errors in word choice and expression that may affect clarity and precision. There are also noticeable errors in word formation and spelling throughout the essay.

How to improve:
To improve the lexical resource score:

Expand Vocabulary Range: Incorporate a broader range of vocabulary beyond basic terms like "table," "pie chart," "population," "nationalities," etc. Use more precise and varied vocabulary to convey ideas.
Accuracy in Word Choice: Pay attention to using words accurately in context. For example, ensure correct use of terms like "proportion" instead of "figure," or "demographics" instead of "the rest of them."
Spelling and Word Formation: Address errors in spelling and word formation to enhance clarity and readability. Proofread carefully to avoid mistakes that can disrupt communication.

Improving these aspects will help elevate the lexical resource score to a higher band, providing a more nuanced and accurate presentation of the data.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of sentence structures, including some complex ones. It makes efforts to present information clearly, although there are noticeable grammatical errors and inaccuracies throughout the text. There are instances where the intended meaning might be slightly distorted due to these errors.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy score:

Focus on using a wider range of grammatical structures, including more complex sentences where appropriate.
Pay attention to verb agreement, article usage, and sentence structure to reduce errors.
Review punctuation rules, especially concerning commas and sentence boundaries, to improve clarity and coherence.

Bài sửa mẫu

Certainly! Here’s an improved version of the IELTS Task 1 report:

The pie chart provides an overview of the distribution of nationalities in Australia, while the table compares the residential preferences of different demographic groups across the country.

Firstly, Australians constitute the largest proportion of the population at 73%, followed by British nationals at 7%. Chinese nationals make up 2%, and New Zealanders account for 3%, which is three times higher than the 1% of Dutch residents. The remaining 14% comprises individuals from various other countries and territories.

Turning to the table, it reveals that a significant majority of Chinese nationals (99%) prefer living in urban areas. Similarly, a substantial portion of British and New Zealand nationals (80% and 90% respectively) also favor city living. Australians, who form the largest group, show a preference for urban areas at 85%. Conversely, only a small minority of all groups, ranging from 10% to 20%, choose to reside in rural settings.

In summary, the data demonstrates a clear preference among most residents, regardless of nationality, for urban over rural living in Australia.

This revision maintains the original data points and structure while enhancing clarity and precision in expression. If you have any further questions or need additional assistance, feel free to ask!