The table and the chart below provide a breakdown of the total expenditure and the average amount of money spent by students per week while studying abroad in 4 countries. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The table and the chart below provide a breakdown of the total expenditure and the average amount of money spent by students per week while studying abroad in 4 countries. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The given table shows information on the concluded amount of money spent by students per week meanwhile the bar chart illustrates the average cost students must pay while going overseas in 4 countries.
Overall, the price for studying abroad for country A costs the highest while D is the country where students spend the least expenditure. Meanwhile, the bar chart shows students spent the highest amount of dollars on living costs in country A and people gave away their money least on accommodation in country D.
According to the table, it was leaked with country A on top with 875 dollars and was the country people spent the most money on. Followed with the students paid 735 US for country B and 540 in country C. With the least dollars student invested in was country D with only 435 US. Meanwhile, the bar chart shows each type of cost in which living cost was the highest payment that students invested in with 430 in country A. Within that country, tutition figure was the second most before living costs with 358. Country D was known to be the lowest investment students want to spend, which all three following figures were the least, started by the lowest which was accommodation with 200, by then was the living cost category with 235 and ended up with tutition with 235 through the period.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"concluded amount of money spent" -> "total amount of money spent"
Explanation: "Concluded" is an inappropriate term in this context; "total" more accurately conveys the idea of the overall sum of money spent. -
"meanwhile" -> "while"
Explanation: "Meanwhile" suggests simultaneous actions, which is not the intended meaning here. "While" is more appropriate for contrasting two statements. -
"the price for studying abroad for country A costs the highest" -> "the cost of studying abroad in country A is the highest"
Explanation: "Price" is less formal than "cost," and "is" provides clarity and grammatical correctness in this context. -
"where students spend the least expenditure" -> "where students incur the lowest expenses"
Explanation: "Expenditure" is overly formal and vague; "incur the lowest expenses" is clearer and maintains an academic tone. -
"people gave away their money least on accommodation" -> "students allocated the least amount of money to accommodation"
Explanation: "Gave away" is informal and suggests a lack of control over spending. "Allocated" is more precise and appropriate for an academic context. -
"it was leaked with country A on top" -> "country A ranked highest"
Explanation: "Leaked" is an inappropriate term here; "ranked highest" clearly conveys the intended meaning in a formal manner. -
"followed with the students paid 735 US" -> "followed by students paying 735 USD"
Explanation: "Followed with" is incorrect; "followed by" is the correct phrase. Additionally, "USD" is the standard abbreviation for United States dollars. -
"the least dollars student invested in was country D" -> "the lowest amount of money students invested in was country D"
Explanation: "Least dollars" is informal; "lowest amount of money" is more precise and maintains an academic tone. -
"each type of cost in which living cost was the highest payment that students invested in" -> "each type of cost, with living costs representing the highest expenditure for students"
Explanation: The original phrasing is awkward and convoluted. The revised version is clearer and more concise. -
"tutition figure was the second most before living costs" -> "tuition figure was the second highest after living costs"
Explanation: "Second most before" is unclear; "second highest after" is more precise and grammatically correct. -
"was known to be the lowest investment students want to spend" -> "was recognized as the lowest expenditure for students"
Explanation: "Known to be" is vague; "recognized as" is more formal and precise. Additionally, "expenditure" is a more appropriate term than "investment" in this context. -
"which all three following figures were the least, started by the lowest which was accommodation with 200" -> "where all three figures were the lowest, starting with accommodation at 200"
Explanation: The original phrasing is awkward and unclear. The revised version improves clarity and flow. -
"by then was the living cost category with 235 and ended up with tutition with 235 through the period" -> "followed by the living cost category at 235, and concluding with tuition at 235"
Explanation: "By then" is informal and unclear; "followed by" and "concluding with" provide a clearer structure. Additionally, "tuition" is misspelled and should be corrected.
Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5
Explanation: The essay attempts to address the task by providing an overview of the information presented in the table and chart. However, the essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends or differences. The essay also presents some irrelevant details, such as the statement "it was leaked with country A on top with 875 dollars." This statement is not relevant to the task and does not contribute to the overall understanding of the data.
How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends and differences in the data. The essay should also focus on presenting relevant information and avoid including irrelevant details. The essay could also be improved by using more precise language and avoiding informal language such as "leaked."
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While it attempts to summarize the data from the table and chart, the connections between ideas are often unclear, leading to confusion. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, which detracts from the overall coherence. Additionally, the paragraphing is inconsistent; while there are attempts to separate ideas, the structure does not always logically support the flow of information.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on clearly organizing information into well-defined paragraphs, each with a central topic. Using a wider range of cohesive devices appropriately and ensuring that they enhance rather than detract from clarity will also be beneficial. Additionally, improving the logical flow of ideas and ensuring that comparisons are clearly articulated will strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to convey the necessary information, the use of vocabulary is often repetitive and lacks sophistication. There are noticeable errors in word choice and collocation, such as "the concluded amount of money" and "was leaked with country A," which may cause some difficulty for the reader. Additionally, spelling errors like "tutition" and "by then was the living cost category" detract from the overall clarity. The essay does not effectively utilize less common lexical items, and the control of word formation is inconsistent.
How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should aim to expand their vocabulary by incorporating a wider range of synonyms and less common lexical items. Additionally, focusing on precise word choices and correct collocations will improve clarity. Paying attention to spelling and ensuring grammatical accuracy will also help in conveying the intended message more effectively. Reading more academic texts and practicing paraphrasing can further develop lexical skills.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily relying on simple sentences with some attempts at complex forms. While there are some accurate sentences, frequent grammatical errors and awkward phrasing are present, which can cause difficulty for the reader. For instance, phrases like "the concluded amount of money spent" and "was leaked with country A on top" are unclear and grammatically incorrect. Additionally, punctuation errors are noticeable, such as missing commas and incorrect use of conjunctions. Overall, while the essay conveys some information, the grammatical inaccuracies hinder effective communication.
How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:
- Expand Sentence Variety: Incorporate a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical structures.
- Proofreading: Carefully review the essay for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. This can help in identifying and correcting mistakes before submission.
- Practice with Punctuation: Improve punctuation usage to clarify meaning and enhance readability.
- Use of Accurate Vocabulary: Replace vague or incorrect terms with precise vocabulary to convey ideas more clearly. For example, using "tuition" instead of "tutition" and ensuring correct prepositions are used.
- Clarity and Coherence: Aim for clearer expression of ideas and logical flow in comparisons to improve overall coherence in the writing.
Bài sửa mẫu
The given table shows information on the total amount of money spent by students per week, while the bar chart illustrates the average costs incurred by students studying abroad in four countries. Overall, the cost of studying abroad is highest in country A, while country D is where students spend the least. Additionally, the bar chart indicates that students allocate the most funds to living costs in country A, whereas accommodation expenses are the lowest in country D.
According to the table, country A ranks at the top with an expenditure of 875 dollars, making it the country where students spend the most money. This is followed by country B, where students pay 735 US dollars, and country C, with an expenditure of 540 US dollars. The least amount spent is in country D, with only 435 US dollars. Meanwhile, the bar chart details the various types of costs, revealing that living costs are the highest expenditure for students in country A, amounting to 430 US dollars. In that country, tuition fees are the second highest, totaling 358 US dollars. Country D is noted for having the lowest expenditures across all categories, starting with accommodation at 200 US dollars, followed by living costs at 235 US dollars, and concluding with tuition fees, which also amount to 235 US dollars.
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