The table below gives information about changes in modes of travel in England between 1985 and 2000.

The table below illustrates the data about the variety of vehicles which people use on average in miles for travelling. It can be easily noticed by the table that most residents travelled by car for long distances so it consistently accounted for the highest number among other vehicles both in 1985 and 2000.
To begin with, in 1985 all citizens tended to transport by their own car, the average distance for everyone was 3,199 miles each private travel. The second most popular transportation was local buses followed by 429 miles for every trip. Besides the vehicle had the lowest average extent per person was taxi, just 13 miles. In total, there were 4740 miles for all modes which appear in the following table. Then in 2000, the information had changed significantly. The car and the train were one of the most popular vehicles at that point. In order, the average gap the residents used cars to move was 4806, it was higher than the total miles of all types in 1985. And 399 miles per trip for trains. In addition, bicycles had lower numbers than any vehicle in the statistics.
To sum up, the table below had indicated in detail about the average distance of various transportations in miles per person in 1985 and 2000

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The table below illustrates the data about the variety of vehicles which people use on average in miles for travelling." -> "The table below presents data on the average mileage for various modes of transportation."
Explanation: The original phrase is wordy and informal. The suggested revision is more concise and uses more formal academic language.
"It can be easily noticed by the table that" -> "It is evident from the table that"
Explanation: "It can be easily noticed by the table" is awkward and incorrect. "It is evident from the table" is a more precise and formal way to introduce a conclusion based on data.
"most residents travelled by car for long distances so it consistently accounted for the highest number" -> "most residents travelled long distances by car, consistently accounting for the highest number"
Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revision corrects the grammatical structure and improves readability.
"all citizens tended to transport by their own car" -> "all citizens tended to use their own cars"
Explanation: "transport by" is an awkward construction. "Use their own cars" is more natural and precise.
"the average distance for everyone was 3,199 miles each private travel" -> "the average distance for each private trip was 3,199 miles"
Explanation: The original phrase is unclear and grammatically incorrect. The revision clarifies the meaning and corrects the grammar.
"the vehicle had the lowest average extent per person was taxi, just 13 miles" -> "the vehicle with the lowest average distance per person was the taxi, at just 13 miles"
Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revision corrects the grammar and clarifies the meaning.
"In total, there were 4740 miles for all modes which appear in the following table." -> "The total mileage for all modes depicted in the table was 4,740 miles."
Explanation: The original sentence is awkward and unclear. The revision is more concise and formally structured.
"The car and the train were one of the most popular vehicles at that point." -> "The car and train were among the most popular modes of transport at that time."
Explanation: "One of the most popular vehicles" is vague and informal. "Among the most popular modes of transport" is more precise and formal.
"In order, the average gap the residents used cars to move was 4806, it was higher than the total miles of all types in 1985." -> "The average distance residents used cars for travel was 4,806, exceeding the total mileage in 1985."
Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revision corrects the grammar and clarifies the meaning.
"And 399 miles per trip for trains." -> "and 399 miles per trip for trains."
Explanation: This is a minor correction to ensure consistency in punctuation.
"bicycles had lower numbers than any vehicle in the statistics." -> "bicycles had the lowest mileage among all modes of transport."
Explanation: "Lower numbers" is vague and informal. "The lowest mileage among all modes of transport" is more precise and formal.
"the table below had indicated in detail about the average distance of various transportations in miles per person in 1985 and 2000" -> "the table below provides detailed information on the average mileage per person for various modes of transport in 1985 and 2000."
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and unclear. The revision clarifies the meaning and uses more formal language.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends in the data. The essay recounts detail mechanically with no clear overview. There is no data to support the description. The essay presents, but inadequately covers, key features/bullet points. There is a tendency to focus on details.

How to improve: The essay should present a clear overview of the main trends in the data. The essay should also provide more data to support the description. The essay should avoid focusing on details and instead focus on the main trends in the data. The essay should also be more concise and avoid unnecessary repetition. For example, the essay could be improved by stating that the average distance travelled by car increased significantly between 1985 and 2000. The essay could also be improved by stating that the average distance travelled by train increased significantly between 1985 and 2000. The essay could also be improved by stating that the average distance travelled by bicycle decreased significantly between 1985 and 2000.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a lack of overall progression. While it attempts to summarize the data, the connections between ideas are not always clear, leading to confusion. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, which detracts from the overall coherence. Additionally, the paragraphing is not well-structured, as some ideas are not grouped logically, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on improving the logical flow of ideas by clearly linking sentences and paragraphs. Using a wider range of cohesive devices appropriately will enhance the clarity of relationships between ideas. Additionally, organizing information into well-defined paragraphs, each with a clear central topic, will help improve coherence and cohesion. Finally, ensuring that all data is accurately represented and explained will strengthen the overall argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to convey information about the modes of travel, the vocabulary used is often basic and repetitive. There are noticeable errors in word choice and collocation, such as "transport by their own car" instead of "travel by their own car," and "the vehicle had the lowest average extent per person was taxi" which is grammatically incorrect. Additionally, there are errors in spelling and word formation, such as "the average gap the residents used cars to move was 4806," which lacks clarity. These issues may cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended message.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to expand their vocabulary by incorporating more varied and precise terms related to transportation and statistics. Practicing the use of less common lexical items and ensuring correct collocation will improve clarity. Additionally, proofreading for spelling and grammatical accuracy can help eliminate errors that impede communication. Engaging with a wider range of reading materials can also provide exposure to sophisticated vocabulary and expressions that can be utilized in writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily using simple sentences with some attempts at complex sentences. However, there are frequent grammatical errors, particularly in subject-verb agreement and sentence structure, which can cause difficulty for the reader. For example, phrases like "the vehicle had the lowest average extent per person was taxi" are awkward and unclear. Additionally, punctuation errors are present, such as missing commas, which further detract from clarity. Overall, while the essay communicates the main ideas, the grammatical inaccuracies hinder the overall effectiveness of the writing.
How to improve: To improve the score, the writer should focus on expanding their range of sentence structures, incorporating more complex sentences while ensuring they are grammatically correct. Practicing the correct use of punctuation and reviewing subject-verb agreement would also enhance clarity. Additionally, proofreading for awkward phrasing and grammatical errors before submission can help produce a more polished final piece.

Bài sửa mẫu

The table below illustrates data about the variety of vehicles that people used on average in miles for traveling. It is evident from the table that most residents traveled by car for long distances, consistently accounting for the highest number among other vehicles in both 1985 and 2000.

To begin with, in 1985, all citizens tended to transport themselves by their own cars, with the average distance for private travel being 3,199 miles. The second most popular mode of transportation was local buses, which had an average distance of 429 miles per trip. In contrast, the vehicle with the lowest average distance per person was the taxi, at just 13 miles. In total, the combined average distance for all modes of transport was 4,740 miles, as shown in the following table.

By 2000, the information had changed significantly. Cars and trains emerged as two of the most popular vehicles at that time. Specifically, the average distance that residents traveled by car increased to 4,806 miles, surpassing the total miles of all types in 1985. Trains had an average distance of 399 miles per trip. Additionally, bicycles recorded lower figures than any other vehicle in the statistics.