The table below gives information about the values of exports of kiwi fruit from New Zealand to five countries between 2010 and 2012. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below gives information about the values of exports of kiwi fruit from New Zealand to five countries between 2010 and 2012.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table depicts the changes in the price of kiwi fruit exported from New Zealand to five different countries in a 2-year period of time, starting from 2010.
It is clear from the table that there is an upward trend in the value of exports of kiwi fruit, excepted from Mexico and Saudi Arabia. In addition, the number of Japan is always highest while the figure for Saudi Arabia is at bottom.
Looking at Japan, the money of exporting kiwi was $271,100,000 in 2010, significantly increasing to $325,300,00 in the final year. By contrast, in the first year, the export value of Saudi Arabi was $290,000 while the figure for Mexico was $6,000,000. In 2012, both of them witnessed 2 times as a dramatic drop as the initial figures, were $82,000 and $3,300,000, respectively.
Regarding the remaining countries, China increased considerably from $74,900,00 to $94,000,000, ranking the second position among five nations in the period of 2 years. Besides, in 2010, the number of Russia was $968,000, but then rose to $2,404,000 at the end of this period.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"It is clear from the table that there is an upward trend in the value of exports of kiwi fruit, excepted from Mexico and Saudi Arabia." -> "The table indicates an upward trend in the value of kiwi fruit exports, with the exception of Mexico and Saudi Arabia."
Explanation: Replacing "It is clear from the table that" with "The table indicates" refines the sentence structure to be more direct and formal. "Excepted" is incorrect; "except" is the correct word to use in this context, and "with the exception of" is a more formal way to introduce exceptions.
"the number of Japan" -> "Japan’s exports"
Explanation: "The number of Japan" is incorrect and unclear. "Japan’s exports" is more precise and appropriate for academic writing, as it directly refers to the country’s export data.
"the money of exporting kiwi" -> "the value of kiwi fruit exports"
Explanation: "The money of exporting kiwi" is awkward and unclear. "The value of kiwi fruit exports" is more natural and precise, clearly referring to the monetary value of the exports.
"significantly increasing to $325,300,00" -> "significantly increased to $325,300,000"
Explanation: "Increasing" should be in the past tense "increased" to match the past time frame described in the table. Also, the zero should be added to the dollar amount for accuracy and formality.
"the figure for Saudi Arabi" -> "the figure for Saudi Arabia"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling error from "Arabi" to "Arabia."
"the export value of Saudi Arabi was $290,000" -> "the export value of Saudi Arabia was $290,000"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling error from "Arabi" to "Arabia."
"the figure for Mexico was $6,000,000" -> "the export value of Mexico was $6,000,000"
Explanation: Similar to earlier, "the figure for" is replaced with "the export value of" for clarity and formality.
"both of them witnessed 2 times as a dramatic drop as the initial figures" -> "both experienced a decline of twice the initial figures"
Explanation: "Witnessed 2 times as a dramatic drop" is awkward and unclear. "Experienced a decline of twice the initial figures" is more precise and academically appropriate.
"were $82,000 and $3,300,000, respectively" -> "were $82,000 and $3,300,000"
Explanation: Removes redundant "respectively" as it is implied by the context.
"Regarding the remaining countries, China increased considerably from $74,900,00 to $94,000,000" -> "The remaining countries, including China, saw significant increases from $74,900,000 to $94,000,000"
Explanation: "Regarding the remaining countries" is vague and informal. "The remaining countries, including China" clarifies the scope and adds specificity. "Saw significant increases" is more formal than "increased considerably."
"the number of Russia was $968,000" -> "Russia’s exports were $968,000"
Explanation: "The number of Russia" is incorrect and unclear. "Russia’s exports were" is more precise and appropriate for academic writing.
"but then rose to $2,404,000 at the end of this period" -> "but then rose to $2,404,000 by the end of this period"
Explanation: "At the end of this period" is slightly informal; "by the end of this period" is more formal and suitable for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task by providing an overview of the main features of the data. However, the essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends, differences, or stages. The essay also presents some key features/bullet points, but these are not fully extended.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends in the data. For example, the essay could state that the value of exports to Japan increased significantly over the period, while the value of exports to Mexico and Saudi Arabia decreased. The essay could also provide more detailed information about the key features/bullet points. For example, the essay could state that the value of exports to China increased by 26% between 2010 and 2012.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While it attempts to compare the export values of kiwi fruit across different countries, the connections between ideas are not always clear, leading to confusion. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, which affects the clarity of the essay. Additionally, paragraphing is present but not always logical, as the information is not grouped effectively, making it difficult to follow the overall argument.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on clearly structuring the essay into distinct paragraphs that each cover a specific aspect of the data. Using a wider range of cohesive devices appropriately will help to clarify relationships between ideas. Furthermore, ensuring that comparisons are explicitly stated and logically sequenced will improve the overall flow of the essay. Lastly, careful proofreading for grammatical accuracy and clarity will help to avoid confusion and enhance the overall quality of the writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to convey the main features of the data, the use of vocabulary is often repetitive and lacks precision. There are noticeable errors in word choice (e.g., "the number of Japan" instead of "the value of exports from Japan") and spelling (e.g., "Saudi Arabi" instead of "Saudi Arabia"). These errors can cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended meaning. The essay does not effectively utilize less common lexical items, which limits its overall lexical resource.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to expand their vocabulary by incorporating a wider range of synonyms and phrases relevant to the topic. They should also focus on ensuring accuracy in word choice and spelling. Practicing the use of more sophisticated vocabulary and varying sentence structures can improve clarity and precision. Additionally, the writer should pay attention to collocations and common phrases used in data description to convey information more fluently and effectively.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, with attempts at complex sentences that are often inaccurate. While some sentences are clear, frequent grammatical errors and issues with punctuation can cause difficulties for the reader. For instance, phrases like "excepted from Mexico and Saudi Arabia" should be "except for Mexico and Saudi Arabia," and "the number of Japan" is awkwardly phrased. Additionally, there are inconsistencies in numerical formatting and missing articles that detract from overall clarity.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their range of grammatical structures and improving accuracy. This can be done by practicing complex sentence forms and ensuring proper subject-verb agreement. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules and ensuring clarity in phrasing will enhance the overall quality of the writing. Regular practice with feedback can help identify and correct common errors.

Bài sửa mẫu

The table depicts the changes in the value of kiwi fruit exported from New Zealand to five different countries over a two-year period, starting from 2010.

It is clear from the table that there is an upward trend in the value of kiwi fruit exports, with the exception of Mexico and Saudi Arabia. Additionally, the export value for Japan is consistently the highest, while the figure for Saudi Arabia is the lowest.

Focusing on Japan, the export value of kiwi fruit was $271,100,000 in 2010, significantly increasing to $325,300,000 by the final year. In contrast, in the first year, the export value for Saudi Arabia was $290,000, while the figure for Mexico was $6,000,000. By 2012, both countries experienced a dramatic drop, with values of $82,000 and $3,300,000, respectively, which is approximately half of their initial figures.

Regarding the remaining countries, China saw a considerable increase from $74,900,000 to $94,000,000, ranking second among the five nations over the two-year period. Furthermore, in 2010, the export value for Russia was $968,000, but it rose to $2,404,000 by the end of this period.