The table below gives information on the salaries of secondary teachers in five countries in 2009. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table chart compares the annual salaries received by secondary teachers in five different nations namely Australia, Denmark, Luxembourg, Korea, and Japan starting in 2009 and after 15 years.

It is clear that the amount of money for secondary teacher in Luxembourg was the highest salary during the survey period, while the salary for Japanese received the lowest . In addition, the maximum salary is reached after a short period (between 8 and 9 years) in Australia and Denmark, while it took a long time to reach a high salary in other nations namely Luxembourg, Korea, and Japan.

Starting from Luxembourg, teachers have the highest starting salary from 80,000 dollars per year, which rose almost double the stated 112,000 dollars after 15 years. However, it took them 30 years to reach the maxium at 139,000 dollars. A similar pattern was seen in a Japanese and Korean secondary teacher, it would need to work harder for more than 30 years to be renumrated with 62,400 US dollars and 84,500 US dollars per year perspective, doubing their starting yearly salary.

On the other hand, Denmark and Australia have quicker progressions to their maximum salaries, with Denmark reaching the top salary in the shortest time (9 years) and followed by the figure for salary in Australia at 8 years. At the beginning of their career, teachers in Australia and Denmark started off receiving 34,600 and 47,000 US dollars per year respectively. These corresponding figures later rose to 48,000 and 54,000 USD after 15 years, which were the highest pay they could receive as secondary teachers.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"table chart" -> "data table"
Explanation: Using "data table" is more precise and avoids redundancy, as a table inherently displays data.
"the amount of money for secondary teacher" -> "the salary of secondary teachers"
Explanation: "Salary" is a more formal and appropriate term to describe the payment received by teachers for their work.
"Japanese received the lowest" -> "Japan received the lowest"
Explanation: Using "Japanese" as an adjective is incorrect in this context; instead, "Japan" should be used to refer to the country.
"maxium" -> "maximum"
Explanation: "Maximum" is the correct spelling of the word, referring to the highest point or level.
"renumrated" -> "remunerated"
Explanation: "Remunerated" is the correct term for receiving payment for work or services rendered.
"per year perspective" -> "per annum"
Explanation: "Per annum" is a formal expression meaning "per year" and is more suitable in this context.
"doubing" -> "doubling"
Explanation: "Doubling" is the correct form of the verb, indicating the action of increasing by two times.
"quicker progressions" -> "faster progressions"
Explanation: "Faster" is a more precise and advanced term to describe a quick rate of progression.
"figure for salary" -> "salary figures"
Explanation: "Salary figures" is a more natural way to refer to the numerical amounts representing salaries.
"corresponding figures" -> "respective figures"
Explanation: "Respective figures" indicates that each figure corresponds to its respective country, clarifying the relationship between the data and the countries.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation:
The essay sufficiently covers the requirements of the Task 1 prompt by providing a summary and comparison of the annual salaries of secondary teachers in five different countries over specified periods. The essay presents a clear overview of main trends, such as the highest salary being in Luxembourg and the quickest salary progression in Denmark and Australia. Key features are highlighted, such as the starting and peak salaries in each country, although the response could be more fully extended with additional details or clearer comparisons to enhance the depth of analysis.

How to improve:
To move towards a higher band, the essay could include more detailed comparisons between the countries, rather than treating each country largely in isolation. Additionally, ensuring the presentation of data is consistently accurate and relevant would strengthen the response. Enhancing the clarity of the information, such as specifying the exact increases rather than general statements about salary progression, would also provide a more fully developed response. Finally, improving sentence structure and coherence would contribute to a clearer and more professional presentation of the data.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay presents information with some organization, providing a basic overview of the salaries of secondary teachers in five countries over a 15-year period. There is a clear attempt to summarize the data and make comparisons. However, the progression of ideas lacks coherence, as there are abrupt transitions between points, and the essay lacks an overall logical progression.

Cohesive devices are used, but there are instances of inaccurate or overuse, such as the repetition of phrases like "starting salary" and "maximum salary". Additionally, some sentences lack clarity, leading to confusion. While the essay attempts to use paragraphing, it is not always logically structured, with some paragraphs containing disjointed ideas.

How to improve:
To improve coherence and cohesion, the essay could benefit from a clearer structure with well-defined paragraphs, each focusing on a specific aspect of the data. Transition sentences can be used to smoothly connect ideas and improve the overall flow of the essay. Additionally, avoiding repetitive phrasing and ensuring the accurate use of cohesive devices will enhance clarity and coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the topic of secondary teacher salaries. It effectively conveys information using a variety of terms such as "survey period," "maximum salary," "starting salary," and "renumerated." Additionally, it attempts to incorporate less common vocabulary like "renumrated," although with some inaccuracies in spelling and word choice, which slightly affect clarity. The essay also includes numerical data accurately, enhancing lexical resource. However, there are some errors in word choice and collocation, such as "perspective" instead of "respectively," and "figure for salary," which slightly impact precision.

How to improve: To improve lexical resource, focus on using more precise and appropriate terms throughout the essay. Proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors will help enhance clarity and accuracy. Additionally, strive for more consistent and appropriate word choice and collocation to further strengthen the lexical range and precision.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. There is a variety of sentence types used, including compound and complex sentences. However, there are notable errors in grammar and punctuation throughout the essay, such as subject-verb agreement errors ("the salary for Japanese received the lowest") and punctuation errors (missing commas, incorrect capitalization). Despite these errors, the overall communication is not significantly hindered, and the main points are conveyed effectively.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and punctuation. Additionally, varied sentence structures could be utilized more effectively to enhance the overall quality of writing. Proofreading for errors before final submission is also recommended to ensure clarity and accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided table illustrates a comparison of the annual salaries earned by secondary teachers across five nations – Australia, Denmark, Luxembourg, Korea, and Japan – in the year 2009, along with their salaries after 15 years.

It is evident that Luxembourg offered the highest salary for secondary teachers throughout the survey period, while Japan reported the lowest. Notably, both Australia and Denmark experienced a relatively rapid progression to their maximum salaries, achieved within 8 to 9 years, in contrast to Luxembourg, Korea, and Japan, where it took considerably longer.

Commencing with Luxembourg, secondary teachers enjoyed the highest starting salary of $80,000 per annum, escalating to $112,000 after 15 years and peaking at $139,000 after 30 years. Similarly, Japanese and Korean secondary teachers witnessed a parallel trend, requiring over 30 years to nearly double their initial annual earnings, amounting to $62,400 and $84,500, respectively.

Conversely, Denmark and Australia exhibited swifter progressions to their maximum salaries, with Denmark reaching its peak in the shortest duration of 9 years, closely followed by Australia at 8 years. At the onset of their careers, Australian teachers earned $34,600 annually, rising to $48,000 after 15 years, while Danish teachers commenced with $47,000, escalating to $54,000 after the same duration.

In summary, the data underscores significant variations in the salary trajectories of secondary teachers across the mentioned nations, with Luxembourg offering the highest remuneration, followed by Denmark and Australia, while Japan reported the lowest earnings.