the table below illustrates the proportion of the individuals riding bicycles by age and gender in specific town in 2001.

The provided table illustrates the proportion of the individuals riding bicycles by age and gender in specific town in 2001.
Overall, a group of 0 to 9 years old hold a highest position in both male and female groups whereas the opposite was true for the middle aged. Moreover riding bicycles were more popular among females.
Looking from an overall perspective, it is apparent that just over the half of girls and boys who aged 9 rode bikes in town, with 51.4% and 50.3% in order. Following is the figure of those aged 10 to 17 with 43.6% women and 24.6% in men using to bicycles.
Turning to the statistics for senior cyclists, that of women registered 18,5%, significantly higher than men ( 13,2%). The 18 to 39 year-old group trailed behind with 17.1% women and 9.7% men choosing bicycles, while the figures for the middle aged citizens was significantly lower than their counterparts, contributing 12.3 and 8.0 to the total.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"illustrates" -> "depicts"
Explanation: "Illustrates" is a common word, but "depicts" adds sophistication and clarity to the description of the table.
"hold a highest position" -> "occupy the highest proportion"
Explanation: "Hold a highest position" is awkward and lacks precision. "Occupy the highest proportion" is more concise and formal.
"whereas the opposite was true for the middle aged" -> "contrary to the trend observed among the middle-aged"
Explanation: The phrase "the opposite was true" is vague and informal. "Contrary to the trend observed among the middle-aged" provides a clearer and more formal expression of contrast.
"Moreover riding bicycles were more popular among females." -> "Furthermore, bicycle riding was more prevalent among females."
Explanation: "Moreover riding bicycles" is grammatically incorrect. "Furthermore, bicycle riding" is a clearer and more grammatically correct way to introduce the next point.
"Looking from an overall perspective" -> "From an overarching standpoint"
Explanation: "Looking from an overall perspective" is somewhat redundant. "From an overarching standpoint" maintains clarity while adding sophistication.
"Following is the figure of those aged 10 to 17" -> "Subsequently, the statistics for individuals aged 10 to 17 are presented"
Explanation: "Following is the figure" is awkward and lacks precision. "Subsequently, the statistics for individuals aged 10 to 17 are presented" is clearer and more formal.
"with 43.6% women and 24.6% in men using to bicycles." -> "with 43.6% for women and 24.6% for men riding bicycles."
Explanation: "In men using to bicycles" is grammatically incorrect. "For men riding bicycles" is a clearer and grammatically correct expression.
"Turning to the statistics for senior cyclists" -> "Regarding the data for elderly cyclists"
Explanation: "Turning to the statistics" is somewhat informal. "Regarding the data" maintains formality while being more concise.
"registered 18,5%" -> "recorded 18.5%"
Explanation: The use of a comma in numbers is not standard in English. "Recorded" is a more appropriate verb choice.
"while the figures for the middle aged citizens was significantly lower" -> "while the figures for middle-aged citizens were significantly lower"
Explanation: "Was" should be "were" to agree with the plural subject "figures." Additionally, "middle aged" should be hyphenated as "middle-aged" for correct adjective usage.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay generally addresses the task and provides an overview of the main trends in the data. It covers key features such as age groups and gender, and attempts to highlight proportions within these groups. However, there are several areas where the response could be improved.

How to improve:

Clarity and Coherence: The essay lacks coherence and clarity in some parts. Ensure that each sentence contributes directly to the main idea and that there is a logical flow between sentences and paragraphs.
Detail and Accuracy: While the essay provides some data, it could be more detailed and accurate. Make sure to include specific percentages and avoid inaccuracies in reporting the data.
Task Fulfillment: Ensure that all key features and bullet points are covered. For example, the essay could provide a more detailed overview of the data for each age group and gender.
Language Use: The language could be more precise and varied. Avoid repetition and strive for more sophisticated vocabulary and sentence structures.
Format and Presentation: Check the format to ensure it is appropriate for an IELTS Task 1 essay. This includes using proper paragraph structure and punctuation.

By addressing these areas, you can improve the overall clarity, coherence, and completeness of your response, potentially achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents some organization in discussing the data from the provided table. There is a general introduction and a brief overview of the data. However, there are issues with coherence and cohesion throughout the essay. Sentences are often disjointed, lacking smooth transitions between ideas. Some information is presented without clear progression, such as the abrupt shift from discussing age groups to gender differences in bicycle usage. Cohesive devices are used inadequately, leading to difficulty in following the flow of ideas. Additionally, the essay lacks clear paragraphing, with ideas sometimes grouped together in a confusing manner.

How to improve: To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on providing a clearer structure for the essay. Start with a strong introduction that previews the main points to be discussed. Ensure smooth transitions between sentences and paragraphs to guide the reader through the analysis. Use cohesive devices more effectively to connect ideas logically. Consider organizing the essay into distinct paragraphs, each addressing a specific aspect of the data for better clarity and coherence. Finally, strive for consistency in language use and accuracy in presenting statistical information.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary suitable for the task, with some attempts to vary language. There are instances of less common lexical items used, such as "proportion" and "counterparts," which show an effort to convey meaning effectively. However, there are noticeable errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation throughout the essay, such as "hold a highest position" instead of "hold the highest proportion," "using to bicycles" instead of "using bicycles," and "trailing behind with 17.1% women" instead of "trailing behind with 17.1% for women." These errors detract from the clarity and precision of the message.

How to improve:

Proofread the essay carefully to correct errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation.
Aim to use a wider range of vocabulary to convey ideas more precisely and effectively.
Pay attention to sentence structure and coherence to enhance the overall clarity of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay attempts to use a variety of sentence structures and demonstrates some complexity. However, there are noticeable grammatical errors throughout the essay, such as incorrect verb forms ("hold" instead of "held"), missing articles ("a highest position"), and awkward phrasing ("Turning to the statistics for senior cyclists, that of women registered 18,5%"). These errors, along with occasional punctuation mistakes, detract from the overall clarity and coherence of the essay.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on using a wider variety of sentence structures appropriately. Additionally, careful proofreading to correct errors in subject-verb agreement, article usage, and punctuation would enhance the clarity and precision of the essay. Practice in constructing complex sentences accurately and consistently would also be beneficial.

Bài sửa mẫu

The presented table delineates the distribution of bicycle riders categorized by age and gender in a particular town in 2001.

Overall, individuals aged 0 to 9 years exhibit the highest participation rates across both male and female demographics, whereas the inverse holds true for middle-aged individuals. Additionally, bicycling appears to be more prevalent among females.

Taking a comprehensive view, it is evident that slightly over half of girls and boys aged 9 engage in bicycling within the town, comprising 51.4% and 50.3% respectively. Subsequently, the participation rates decline for individuals aged 10 to 17, with 43.6% of females and 24.6% of males utilizing bicycles.

Examining the statistics for senior bicyclists, women account for 18.5%, a figure notably higher than their male counterparts at 13.2%. Furthermore, within the age group of 18 to 39, 17.1% of females and 9.7% of males opt for bicycles, while middle-aged citizens contribute substantially lower figures of 12.3% and 8.0% respectively.