The table below presents the food consumption per person weekly in a European country in 1992, 2002 and 2012.

The table illustrates the number of foods which one human will eat in one week in one country of Europe in 3 different years by using the measurement is in grams.
Overall, it is evident that vegetables always be the highest when compared to the remaining, and all types of food consumption tend to be unchanged.
First of all, as can be seen in the table, from 1992 to 2012, vegetable eating was the highest when its figures were lowest at 2140 in 1992 and the biggest at 2220 in 2012. Moreover, the meat was the second highest in three years with the minium data being 1132 in 2012. However, meat consumption was 2 times lower than vegetables.
Furthermore, one prominent of this data is that cheese was 3 years when its maxium data was only 125, 10 times smaller than meats. Additionally, wheat and beans were the products with medium consumption. Thein highest figures were in 2012 with 977 for the former and 590 for the latter.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The table illustrates the number of foods which one human will eat" -> "The table illustrates the average amount of food consumed by an individual"
Explanation: The phrase "the number of foods which one human will eat" is awkward and unclear. "The average amount of food consumed by an individual" is more precise and appropriate for academic writing.
"in one country of Europe" -> "in a European country"
Explanation: "in one country of Europe" is redundant as "Europe" already implies a single country. "in a European country" simplifies and clarifies the location.
"by using the measurement is in grams" -> "measured in grams"
Explanation: "by using the measurement is in grams" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "measured in grams" is straightforward and correct.
"always be the highest" -> "consistently the highest"
Explanation: "always be the highest" is informal and slightly incorrect. "Consistently the highest" is more formal and precise.
"all types of food consumption tend to be unchanged" -> "the overall food consumption remains relatively unchanged"
Explanation: "all types of food consumption tend to be unchanged" is vague and informal. "the overall food consumption remains relatively unchanged" provides a clearer and more academic tone.
"as can be seen" -> "as evident from"
Explanation: "as can be seen" is somewhat informal and vague. "as evident from" is more formal and precise.
"the highest when its figures were lowest at 2140 in 1992 and the biggest at 2220 in 2012" -> "the highest at 2140 grams in 1992 and the largest at 2220 grams in 2012"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and unclear. The revised version clarifies the measurement and uses "largest" instead of "biggest" for a more formal tone.
"meat was the second highest in three years with the minium data being 1132 in 2012" -> "meat consumption was the second highest in the three years, with the minimum data being 1132 grams in 2012"
Explanation: "meat was the second highest in three years with the minium data being 1132 in 2012" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The revision corrects these issues and adds clarity.
"However, meat consumption was 2 times lower than vegetables" -> "However, meat consumption was approximately two-thirds that of vegetables"
Explanation: "2 times lower than vegetables" is informal and imprecise. "approximately two-thirds that of vegetables" provides a more accurate and formal comparison.
"one prominent of this data is that cheese was 3 years" -> "one notable aspect of this data is that cheese consumption remained constant over the three years"
Explanation: "one prominent of this data is that cheese was 3 years" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The revision corrects these issues and provides a clearer, more formal expression.
"maxium data" -> "maximum data"
Explanation: "maxium" is a typographical error. "Maximum" is the correct term.
"10 times smaller than meats" -> "ten times less than meat consumption"
Explanation: "10 times smaller than meats" is informal and slightly awkward. "ten times less than meat consumption" is more precise and formal.
"Thein highest figures were in 2012" -> "The highest figures were in 2012"
Explanation: "Thein" is incorrect. The correct word is "the."
"with 977 for the former and 590 for the latter" -> "with 977 grams for wheat and 590 grams for beans"
Explanation: The original phrase is unclear about what "former" and "latter" refer to. Adding "grams" clarifies the measurement, and specifying "wheat" and "beans" makes the reference clear.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation: The essay attempts to address the task but does not cover all key features/bullet points. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the main trends in the data. The essay also confuses key features/bullet points with detail. For example, the essay states that "vegetables always be the highest when compared to the remaining" but does not provide any specific data to support this claim. The essay also states that "meat consumption was 2 times lower than vegetables" but does not provide any specific data to support this claim.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clear overview of the main trends in the data. The essay could also be improved by providing specific data to support the claims made. For example, the essay could state that "vegetable consumption was the highest in all three years, with a slight increase from 2140 grams in 1992 to 2220 grams in 2012." The essay could also state that "meat consumption was consistently lower than vegetable consumption, with a decrease from 1148 grams in 1992 to 1132 grams in 2012."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a lack of overall progression. While it attempts to describe the data, the structure is somewhat unclear, and the use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate. The paragraphs do not effectively separate different ideas, leading to confusion. Additionally, there are instances of repetition and awkward phrasing that detract from the clarity of the information presented.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on clearly organizing the information into distinct paragraphs, each with a central topic. Using a wider range of cohesive devices accurately will help connect ideas more logically. Additionally, avoiding repetitive language and ensuring that all data is referenced correctly will improve clarity. Finally, proofreading for grammatical accuracy and clarity will strengthen the overall presentation.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to convey information about food consumption, the use of vocabulary is basic and repetitive. There are noticeable errors in word choice and spelling, such as "minium" instead of "minimum," "maxium" instead of "maximum," and "Thein" instead of "The." These errors can cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended message. Overall, the lexical resource is insufficient to convey precise meanings effectively.
How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, including less common lexical items relevant to the topic. Additionally, improving accuracy in word choice and spelling is crucial. The writer could practice using synonyms and varying sentence structures to avoid repetition and enhance clarity. Engaging with academic texts or vocabulary exercises could also help in developing a more sophisticated vocabulary.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures and attempts to use complex sentences; however, these attempts are often inaccurate. There are frequent grammatical errors, particularly in subject-verb agreement and word choice, which can cause some difficulty for the reader. The overall coherence of the essay is affected by these errors, making it challenging to fully understand some points.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on improving grammatical accuracy and expanding their range of sentence structures. This can be done by practicing complex sentence formation, ensuring subject-verb agreement, and using appropriate vocabulary. Additionally, proofreading for common errors and seeking feedback can help enhance clarity and coherence in writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The table illustrates the quantity of food consumed per person weekly in a European country in three different years, measured in grams. Overall, it is evident that vegetable consumption was consistently the highest compared to the other food types, and the overall consumption patterns remained relatively stable over the years.

First of all, as can be seen in the table, from 1992 to 2012, vegetable consumption was the highest, with the lowest figure recorded at 2140 grams in 1992 and the highest at 2220 grams in 2012. Moreover, meat ranked as the second highest in all three years, with the minimum data being 1132 grams in 2012. However, meat consumption was approximately half that of vegetables.

Furthermore, one notable aspect of this data is that cheese consumption remained low over the three years, with a maximum figure of only 125 grams, which is ten times smaller than that of meat. Additionally, wheat and beans were the products with moderate consumption levels, with the highest figures recorded in 2012 at 977 grams for wheat and 590 grams for beans.