The table below shows the change in number of people engaged in various physical activities between the years 2001-2009 in Australia (in million people). Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The table below shows the change in number of people engaged in various physical activities between the years 2001-2009 in Australia (in million people).
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Write at least 150 words.

The graph compares five different kinds of physical activities in terms of participants' number from 2001 to 2009 in Australia. Overall, there was an upward trend in the number of people engaged in running, aerobics and tennis, with running experienced the most dramatic increase. Despite witnessing the highest level of decrease, cycling was the dominant physical activities during the period shown.
In 2001, cycling was the most popular activity, attracting 4.5 million people, which 1.2 million higher than that of the second most – swimming. After the following four years, both activities recorded an opposite trend, while the number of cyclists significantly went down to 3.1 million people, that of swimmers negligibly grew by 1 million. In the last year, the figure for cycling and swimming stood at 3.6 and 3.3 million people, which overall experienced a remarkable decline by 20% and 10%, respectively.
Turning to the remaining sectors, although just 1.4 million people participated in running in 2001, its participation level saw the highest proportion of change, at 56%, steadily climbed by 8 million people over a period of 8 years. Additionally, aerobics and tennis saw a similar pattern of going up by 0.1 million people every 4 years, with 15% change for the quantity of tennis players, having 1.2 million players in 2009 and 11% change for that of aerobics, at 1.7 million members in the final surveyed year.

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Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main trends in the data, but it does not fully satisfy all the requirements of the task. The essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages. For example, the essay states that "cycling was the dominant physical activities during the period shown," but it does not provide any specific data to support this claim. The essay also does not adequately highlight the key features/bullet points. For example, the essay states that "running experienced the most dramatic increase," but it does not provide any specific data to support this claim.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends, differences or stages. The essay could also be improved by highlighting the key features/bullet points more adequately. For example, the essay could state that "running experienced the most dramatic increase, with a 56% increase in participation from 2001 to 2009." The essay could also provide more specific data to support its claims. For example, the essay could state that "cycling was the dominant physical activities during the period shown, with 4.5 million people participating in 2001."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, with a clear overall progression from the introduction to the body paragraphs. The use of cohesive devices is effective, but there are instances where cohesion between sentences is somewhat mechanical, and referencing could be clearer. For example, phrases like "the figure for cycling and swimming" could be more explicitly linked to their respective trends mentioned earlier. The paragraphing is present, but the logical structure could be improved, particularly in how the information is grouped and presented.

How to improve: To enhance the coherence and cohesion of the essay, the writer should focus on refining the use of cohesive devices to ensure they enhance the flow of ideas rather than disrupt it. Additionally, improving the clarity of referencing will help the reader follow the trends more easily. Organizing the information into distinct paragraphs that each focus on a single aspect of the data will also contribute to a clearer logical progression. Lastly, ensuring that comparisons are made more explicitly can strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, allowing for basic communication of ideas. It attempts to use less common vocabulary, such as "upward trend," "dramatic increase," and "participation level," but there are inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "cycling was the dominant physical activities" (should be "dominant physical activity") and "the figure for cycling and swimming stood at" (which could be more clearly stated). Additionally, there are some errors in spelling and word formation, such as "experienced" instead of "experiencing" and "negligibly grew" which could be rephrased for clarity. These errors do not severely impede communication but do detract from the overall quality of the lexical resource.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary range and ensuring precise word choice. This can be achieved by practicing the use of synonyms and more sophisticated phrases. Additionally, paying attention to collocations and ensuring grammatical accuracy in phrases will improve clarity. Regular reading of high-quality texts can also help in acquiring a more natural and varied vocabulary. Lastly, proofreading for spelling and word formation errors will enhance the overall presentation of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. There are some grammatical errors and issues with punctuation, such as "which 1.2 million higher than that of the second most – swimming," which affects clarity. However, these errors do not significantly impede communication. The essay generally conveys the main features and comparisons effectively, but the range of grammatical structures could be improved.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on increasing the variety and complexity of sentence structures while ensuring grammatical accuracy. Additionally, careful proofreading to eliminate errors and improve punctuation would enhance clarity. Using more sophisticated vocabulary and linking phrases can also contribute to a more cohesive and polished essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The graph compares five different kinds of physical activities in terms of the number of participants from 2001 to 2009 in Australia. Overall, there was an upward trend in the number of people engaged in running, aerobics, and tennis, with running experiencing the most dramatic increase. Despite witnessing the highest level of decrease, cycling remained the dominant physical activity during the period shown.

In 2001, cycling was the most popular activity, attracting 4.5 million people, which was 1.2 million higher than that of the second most popular activity, swimming. Over the following four years, both activities recorded opposite trends; while the number of cyclists significantly declined to 3.1 million people, the number of swimmers grew slightly by 1 million. By the final year, the figures for cycling and swimming stood at 3.6 million and 3.3 million people, respectively, representing a remarkable decline of 20% and 10%.

Turning to the remaining sectors, although only 1.4 million people participated in running in 2001, its participation level saw the highest proportion of change, at 56%, steadily climbing by 8 million people over the eight-year period. Additionally, aerobics and tennis exhibited a similar pattern, increasing by 0.1 million people every four years, with a 15% change in the number of tennis players, reaching 1.2 million in 2009, and an 11% change in aerobics, which had 1.7 million participants in the final surveyed year.