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The table below shows the number of cars made in three countries in 2003, 2006 and 2009.

The table below shows the number of cars made in three countries in 2003, 2006 and 2009.

The graph illustrates the quantity of automobiles manufactured in three nations between 2003 and 2009.

From an overall perspective, it is evident the amount of cars produced in Argentina showed an downward trend, whereas the data on Australia witnessed a reverse pattern during the surveyed period.

In 2003, the figure for Thailand was highest at 700,000. The number of automobiles built in Argentina was lower at 400,000. Australia, however, accounted for the lowest quantity, at 200,000.

After reaching the highest point of 1,119,000 in 2005 , the automobile industry in Thailand witnessed a drop to a low of 999,000 . There was a steady increase in the amount of cars produced from 200,000 to 400,000 over the years shown in Australia. In contrast,the number of manufactured cars in Argentina decline quickly from 400,000 in 2003 to 161,000 in 2009.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "The graph illustrates" -> "The graph depicts"
    Explanation: "Depicts" is a more precise and formal term in academic writing, enhancing the description of the graph’s function in illustrating data.

  2. "quantity of automobiles manufactured" -> "number of automobiles produced"
    Explanation: "Number" is more commonly used in formal academic contexts to refer to quantities, and "produced" is more specific than "manufactured" in this context, which typically implies assembly or fabrication.

  3. "it is evident the amount of cars produced" -> "it is evident that the number of cars produced"
    Explanation: Adding "that" clarifies the subordinate clause, improving grammatical structure and formality.

  4. "showed an downward trend" -> "exhibited a downward trend"
    Explanation: "Exhibited" is more formal and precise than "showed" in academic writing, and "a downward trend" is grammatically correct.

  5. "the data on Australia witnessed a reverse pattern" -> "the data for Australia exhibited an opposite pattern"
    Explanation: "Exhibited" is more appropriate for describing trends in data, and "an opposite pattern" is a clearer and more formal way to describe a reversal.

  6. "lowest at 200,000" -> "lowest, at 200,000"
    Explanation: Adding a comma after "lowest" improves the punctuation and clarity of the sentence.

  7. "After reaching the highest point of 1,119,000 in 2005, the automobile industry in Thailand witnessed a drop to a low of 999,000" -> "Following its peak of 1,119,000 in 2005, the automobile industry in Thailand experienced a decline to a low of 999,000"
    Explanation: "Following its peak" is a more precise and formal way to describe the change in trend, and "experienced a decline" is more specific than "witnessed a drop."

  8. "There was a steady increase" -> "There was a consistent increase"
    Explanation: "Consistent" is more precise and formal than "steady" in describing patterns in data.

  9. "the number of manufactured cars in Argentina decline quickly" -> "the number of manufactured cars in Argentina declined rapidly"
    Explanation: "Declined" is the correct past tense form, and "rapidly" is more formal and precise than "quickly" in academic writing.

  10. "over the years shown in Australia" -> "over the years depicted in the graph"
    Explanation: "Depicted in the graph" specifies the source of the data, enhancing clarity and formality.

These changes refine the essay to better align with academic writing standards, enhancing precision, formality, and clarity.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay addresses the requirements of the task and presents an overview with information appropriately selected. The essay presents and adequately highlights key features/ bullet points, but details may be irrelevant, inappropriate or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that "the automobile industry in Thailand witnessed a drop to a low of 999,000" which is not accurate. The number of cars produced in Thailand in 2009 was 999,000, which is not a low point.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more accurate information and by avoiding irrelevant details. For example, the essay could focus on the overall trends in car production in each country, rather than on specific years. The essay could also be improved by using more precise language. For example, instead of saying "the amount of cars produced," the essay could say "the number of cars produced."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, presenting a clear overall progression. The introduction effectively sets the context, and the overview provides a concise summary of the trends observed. However, while cohesive devices are used, there are instances of mechanical cohesion, such as repetitive phrases and awkward transitions. The referencing could be clearer, particularly in the transition between the discussion of different countries. The paragraphing is present but not always logical, as some ideas could be better grouped together to enhance clarity.

How to improve: To achieve a higher score, the writer should focus on improving the logical flow of ideas by ensuring that each paragraph contains related information and transitions smoothly between concepts. Additionally, varying the use of cohesive devices and ensuring that referencing is clear and accurate would enhance the overall coherence. More attention to the structure of paragraphs, ensuring that each has a clear central topic, would also contribute to a stronger performance in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary suitable for the task, with some attempts to use less common lexical items, such as "illustrates," "manufactured," and "downward trend." However, there are noticeable inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "showed an downward trend" (should be "a downward trend") and "witnessed a reverse pattern" (which could be more clearly expressed). Additionally, there are some errors in spelling and punctuation, such as the missing space before the comma in "2005 ,". These issues do not severely impede communication but do detract from the overall lexical quality.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary with greater precision and accuracy. This includes avoiding common errors in word choice and collocation, as well as ensuring correct spelling and punctuation. Incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary and phrases while maintaining clarity will also help in achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6 score. While there are some attempts at complex structures, the essay contains several grammatical errors and issues with punctuation that occasionally hinder clarity. For instance, phrases like "showed an downward trend" and "decline quickly" contain grammatical inaccuracies. Additionally, the use of commas is inconsistent, particularly in the phrase "In contrast,the number of manufactured cars in Argentina decline quickly," where a space is needed after the comma. Overall, while the essay communicates its ideas, the errors present indicate that it does not fully meet the criteria for a higher band.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

  1. Grammar: Review subject-verb agreement and article usage to ensure sentences are grammatically correct (e.g., "an downward trend" should be "a downward trend").
  2. Punctuation: Pay attention to the proper use of commas, especially after introductory phrases and before conjunctions.
  3. Complex Structures: Continue to practice using a variety of sentence structures, ensuring that complex sentences are formed correctly to avoid errors.
  4. Proofreading: Implement a proofreading stage to catch and correct minor errors before finalizing the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The graph illustrates the quantity of automobiles manufactured in three nations between 2003 and 2009.

From an overall perspective, it is evident that the number of cars produced in Argentina showed a downward trend, whereas the data for Australia exhibited an upward pattern during the surveyed period.

In 2003, the figure for Thailand was the highest at 700,000. The number of automobiles built in Argentina was lower at 400,000. Australia, however, accounted for the lowest quantity, at 200,000.

After reaching the peak of 1,119,000 in 2005, the automobile industry in Thailand experienced a decline to a low of 999,000. There was a steady increase in the number of cars produced in Australia, rising from 200,000 to 400,000 over the years shown. In contrast, the number of manufactured cars in Argentina declined sharply from 400,000 in 2003 to 161,000 in 2009.

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