The table below shows the number of mobile phones and personal computers per thousand people in six different countries in 2003. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relative.

The table illustrates how many people per one thousand owned mobile phones and personal computers in the year 2003. Overall, Ireland took the lead in terms of mobile phones possesion, while San Mario led in ownership rate of individual computers, with 720 out of 1000 habitants possesing them.

Regarding the mobile phones, Chile had the lowest rate in mobile phones ownership, with merely 50 out of 1000 people in 2003. In contrast, Ireland boasted the highest rank possesion among six countries, about 900 per thousand. Notably, the combined total of San Mario, France and Malasia equal exactly 550, mirroing the New Zealand, which also accounted for 550 out of 1000 people.

Referencing to personal computers, San Mario was the most dominent country which made up 720 per thousand in 2003, followed by France, New Zealand and Ireland, each nearly half that of San Mario, was 300, 350 and 400 correspondingly. Chile and Malaysia share the similar number of personal computers ownerhsip, with 100 out of 1000, ranking at the lowest point among all.

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Errors and Improvements:

"possesion" -> "possession"
Explanation: "Possession" is the correct spelling of the word referring to ownership or control of something.
"habitants" -> "inhabitants"
Explanation: "Inhabitants" is the appropriate term to refer to people who live in a particular place.
"rank possesion" -> "ranking in possession"
Explanation: "Ranking in possession" is a more grammatically correct way to express the position or level of ownership.
"mirroing" -> "mirroring"
Explanation: "Mirroring" is the correct spelling of the word, meaning to reflect or resemble closely.
"dominent" -> "dominant"
Explanation: "Dominant" is the correct spelling of the word, indicating superiority or control.
"ownerhsip" -> "ownership"
Explanation: "Ownership" is the correct spelling of the word referring to the state of owning something.
"correspondingly" -> "respectively"
Explanation: "Respectively" is more precise in indicating that the following numbers correspond to the countries mentioned in the same order.
"ranking at the lowest point among all" -> "ranking lowest among all"
Explanation: "Ranking lowest among all" is a more concise and grammatically correct way to express the position of being at the lowest point compared to others.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

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Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay adequately addresses the task by providing an overview of the information presented in the table. It covers the main features of mobile phone and personal computer ownership in the six countries in 2003. Key points such as the highest and lowest ownership rates are highlighted, and some comparisons are made between countries. However, there are some inaccuracies and inconsistencies in the presentation of data, such as stating that the combined total of three countries equals that of another without providing the exact figures. Additionally, some details are repetitive, and the essay could benefit from more precise language.
How to improve: To improve, ensure that all information presented is accurate and relevant. Avoid repetition and strive for clarity and coherence in the presentation of data. Provide specific figures when making comparisons between countries to enhance the clarity and precision of the analysis.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay arranges information coherently, with a clear overall progression. It effectively uses cohesive devices to connect ideas within and between sentences, though there are occasional faults in cohesion, particularly in referencing. Paragraphing is utilized, but not consistently or logically.

The essay provides a clear introduction summarizing the main features of the table. It proceeds to discuss mobile phone ownership and personal computer ownership separately, which aids in clarity. However, the transition between discussing mobile phones and personal computers could be smoother. The essay effectively compares data between countries, highlighting contrasts in ownership rates.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, ensure a smoother transition between discussing different aspects of the data. Additionally, focus on consistently logical paragraphing to improve the overall organization of the essay. Pay close attention to referencing to ensure clarity and accuracy throughout the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a somewhat limited range of vocabulary, with some repetition and basic word choices. There are attempts to use descriptive language, but it lacks sophistication and variety. While some comparisons are made between countries, the lexical choices could be more precise and varied. Additionally, there are noticeable errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation throughout the essay, which may cause some difficulty for the reader.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, aim to incorporate a broader range of vocabulary, including more varied and sophisticated terms. Pay attention to word choice and ensure accuracy in spelling and word formation. Work on expressing ideas with clarity and precision, avoiding repetitive language and using descriptive terms effectively to convey meaning.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of sentence structures, including simple and complex sentences. There is an effort to provide some complex structures, but these are often less accurate than the simpler sentences. While the essay attempts to present comparisons and main features, there are frequent grammatical errors and issues with punctuation throughout, which can cause some difficulty for the reader. For example, there are errors in subject-verb agreement ("Chile had the lowest rate in mobile phones ownership"), word choice ("habitants" instead of "inhabitants"), and missing articles ("the highest rank possession among six countries").

How to improve: Focus on improving accuracy and clarity in sentence construction. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, word choice, and proper use of articles. Practice forming complex sentences accurately and ensure that punctuation is used correctly to enhance readability.

Bài sửa mẫu

The table provides data on the number of mobile phones and personal computers per thousand people in six different countries as of 2003. Overall, Ireland exhibited the highest prevalence of mobile phone ownership, while San Marino led in personal computer ownership, with 720 out of every 1000 inhabitants possessing a computer.

In terms of mobile phones, Chile recorded the lowest ownership rate, with just 50 out of every 1000 people owning a mobile phone in 2003. In stark contrast, Ireland demonstrated the highest ownership rate, with approximately 900 per thousand people. Interestingly, the total ownership rates for San Marino, France, and Malaysia combined exactly match New Zealand’s rate, each accounting for 550 out of 1000 people.

Regarding personal computers, San Marino was the dominant leader, with an ownership rate of 720 per thousand. It was followed by France, New Zealand, and Ireland, each owning considerably fewer computers per thousand people—300, 350, and 400 respectively. Both Chile and Malaysia recorded the lowest rates of personal computer ownership, each with only 100 out of 1000 people owning a computer, which is significantly lower compared to the other countries.