The Table below shows the postgraduate course fees in US Dollars that international students paid in three countries in 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The given table illustrates the payment of international pupils of postgraduate classes in three different regions in 2007.
Overall, it is noticeable that country A required the least amount of money. Besides, country B took the lead in three out of five categories.
In terms of arts, commerce, and computing, the fees had similarities. The financial requirements for arts and commerce in three nations were 8.000, 18.000, and 19.000 (US Dollars), respectively. However, these numbers for computing were slightly higher, at 27.000 at country B, followed by county C at 24.000 and county A at 11.000.
With regard to the remaining courses, a country B student had to spend 29.000 on the science course and 17.000 on meals and accommodation, which ranked first out of three areas. Moreover, enrolling in science necessitated 11.000 in country A while this number nearly doubled in country C at 25.000. As for meals and accommodation, it costed 8.000 and 11.000 in two aforementioned nations.

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Errors and Improvements:

"payment" -> "tuition fees"
Explanation: "Tuition fees" is a more precise and common term used to refer to the money paid for academic courses.
"country A required the least amount of money" -> "country A had the lowest tuition fees"
Explanation: "Had the lowest tuition fees" is a more formal and precise way to express the comparison.
"took the lead" -> "was the highest"
Explanation: "Was the highest" is a clearer and more direct way to indicate the top position in terms of fees.
"financial requirements" -> "tuition fees"
Explanation: Using "tuition fees" instead of "financial requirements" maintains consistency and clarity in describing the costs.
"country B student" -> "students in country B"
Explanation: "Students in country B" is a grammatically correct way to refer to multiple students from that country.
"necessitated" -> "required"
Explanation: "Required" is a simpler and more commonly used term to convey the idea of necessity.
"costed" -> "cost"
Explanation: "Cost" is the correct past tense form of the verb "cost."
"two aforementioned nations" -> "the two aforementioned countries"
Explanation: "Countries" is more specific and appropriate in this context to refer to the nations previously mentioned.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

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Band Score: 7

Explanation:
The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by presenting a clear overview and highlighting the main trends and differences among the postgraduate course fees in three countries. It begins with a general statement about the comparative expenses and identifies which country is generally more expensive. It also delineates specific fees for different courses in each country, aiding in the clarity of comparison among them. However, while the key features are noted, the response could benefit from a more developed presentation of these points to fully extend the comparison and trends across the data provided.

How to improve:
To elevate the band score, the essay could include a more detailed analysis and more precise language to clarify comparisons. For instance, the essay could more explicitly detail how the fees compare across the three countries beyond just noting the highest and lowest fees. Including a summary sentence that encapsulates the overall trends more distinctly could enhance the completeness of the response. Additionally, the essay should ensure accuracy in the naming and description of the countries (e.g., "county C" should be corrected to "country C") to avoid minor errors that detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
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Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, with a clear progression throughout. It effectively uses a range of cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases ("Overall," "Besides," "Moreover"), pronouns ("these," "it"), and linking words ("with regard to," "in terms of"), contributing to coherence. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic, focusing on comparisons between the countries’ postgraduate course fees. The sequencing of information is logical, moving from arts, commerce, and computing to science and accommodation fees. While there is some repetition ("country A," "country B"), it does not significantly detract from coherence.

How to improve: To further enhance coherence and cohesion, strive for greater variety in sentence structure and vocabulary to avoid repetition. Additionally, consider refining the transitions between paragraphs to create smoother connections between ideas. Ensure consistent and appropriate use of articles and prepositions for clarity and precision. Finally, aim for more nuanced comparisons and analysis to deepen the discussion of the data presented in the table.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary with some flexibility and precision. It effectively summarizes the information provided in the table and makes comparisons where relevant. The use of vocabulary is generally appropriate, with some less common lexical items used. However, there are occasional errors in word choice and word formation, such as "costed" instead of "cost" and "country" instead of "county." Despite these minor errors, the essay conveys the main features of the data clearly.

How to improve: To improve lexical resource, focus on accuracy in word choice and word formation. Avoid minor errors such as incorrect verb forms or word usage. Additionally, aim for more varied and sophisticated vocabulary to enhance precision and fluency in conveying meanings.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms. It utilizes a variety of structures, including compound sentences and complex sentence structures. There is an attempt to vary sentence structure and use cohesive devices, although some sentences are repetitive and could benefit from more variety. Overall, the essay communicates the main features and makes relevant comparisons, but there are grammatical errors and inconsistencies that occasionally impede clarity.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on enhancing sentence variety by incorporating more complex structures consistently. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and article usage to reduce errors. Proofreading for clarity and coherence can help identify and correct grammatical mistakes. Additionally, ensure consistency in terminology and expression throughout the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided table delineates the expenditure incurred by international postgraduate students across three distinct regions in the year 2007.

Overall, it is evident that Country A boasted the most economical fees across all categories. Conversely, Country B emerged as the costliest option in three out of five instances.

In terms of arts, commerce, and computing, there are notable similarities. Arts and commerce fees were consistent across all three nations, standing at $8,000, $18,000, and $19,000, respectively. However, computing fees exhibited slight disparities, with Country B registering the highest at $27,000, followed by Country C at $24,000, and Country A at $11,000.

For the remaining courses, Country B necessitated the highest expenditure for science courses, demanding $29,000, and for meals and accommodation, requiring $17,000. This positioned Country B at the forefront of expenditure among the three regions. Conversely, enrolling in science courses in Country A incurred a fee of $11,000, whereas this figure nearly doubled in Country C, reaching $25,000. Additionally, meal and accommodation expenses amounted to $8,000 and $11,000 in the aforementioned nations, respectively.