The table below shows the prices of a cup of coffee in 6 cities in Australia in 2010 and 2014

The chart illustrates how much people pay for a cup of coffee in different cities in Australia namely Canberra, Melbourne, Brisbane, Sydney, Adelaide, Perth in mid-2010 and in 2014.
Overall, people pay the highest amount for coffee in Sydney compared to other countries. Moreover, prices in Melbourne have experienced the most significant increase in a given period.
In 2010, in Sydney, it cost $2.80 for a cup of coffee and a 13.2% increase in selling prices was recorded four years later. Melbourne, which ranked second in coffee prices for both years, had the most notable change of 20.8%, rising to 2.9%. Besides, Brisbane sold for $2.25 for a cup of coffee and was the only city where the price remained steady.
Since 2010, Perth has risen in prices by 7.1 per cent, slightly higher than the change in Adelaide. People in Perth pay $2.25 per cup of coffee, while Adelaide paid less than $0.25 in 2014. Moving on to the rest, coffee fans in Canberra paid just $1.6 in 2010 and $1.7 in 2014. This is the cheapest place to get a cup of coffee on the list.

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Errors and Improvements:

"namely Canberra, Melbourne, Brisbane, Sydney, Adelaide, Perth" -> "specifically Canberra, Melbourne, Brisbane, Sydney, Adelaide, and Perth"
Explanation: "Namely" implies exclusivity, whereas "specifically" is more appropriate here to list the cities without implying that they are the only ones in Australia. Also, adding "and" before "Perth" improves the flow of the sentence.
"highest amount for coffee" -> "highest price for coffee"
Explanation: "Amount" typically refers to quantity, while "price" is the appropriate term for the cost of coffee in this context.
"experienced the most significant increase" -> "underwent the most substantial increase"
Explanation: "Experienced" is a common term, but "underwent" adds a more sophisticated tone. "Substantial" is a more precise synonym for "significant" in this context.
"four years later" -> "in the subsequent four years"
Explanation: "Four years later" is clear but lacks variety. "In the subsequent four years" adds variation and sophistication to the expression.
"notable change of 20.8%" -> "remarkable increase of 20.8%"
Explanation: "Change" is generic, while "increase" specifies the direction. "Remarkable" emphasizes the significance of the increase.
"Moving on to the rest" -> "Regarding the remaining cities"
Explanation: "Moving on" is informal; "regarding" maintains formality. Additionally, "the rest" is vague, while "the remaining cities" specifies what is being referred to.
"This is the cheapest place to get a cup of coffee on the list." -> "This marks the most economical option for purchasing coffee among the listed cities."
Explanation: "Cheapest" is colloquial; "most economical" is more formal. "Marks" adds sophistication, indicating a significant point.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the price changes of coffee in six cities in Australia between 2010 and 2014. It presents a clear overview of the main trends, differences, and stages, noting the highest and lowest prices as well as significant changes over the four-year period. The key features, such as the price changes in each city, are clearly presented and highlighted. However, the essay could be more fully developed by providing additional supporting details or context for the price changes observed.

How to improve:
To improve, the essay could provide more specific data on the price changes, such as the exact prices in 2010 and 2014 for each city, and perhaps offer some analysis or comparison of the reasons behind the price changes. Additionally, the essay could benefit from a smoother transition between the different cities and years mentioned, ensuring clarity and coherence in the presentation of information.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information, presenting a clear progression from an overall summary to specific details about each city’s coffee prices. The use of cohesive devices is appropriate, with clear references to the years and cities being discussed. Paragraphing is utilized sufficiently, with each paragraph focusing on a central topic related to the prices in different cities.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider further developing transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Additionally, strive for greater variety in cohesive devices to strengthen the overall cohesion of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, covering the essential terms related to the topic such as "illustrates," "notable change," "selling prices," etc. Additionally, there is an attempt to use less common vocabulary with phrases like "ranked second," "recorded four years later," and "slightly higher." However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "rose" instead of "risen" and "less than $0.25" instead of "less than a quarter." Some minor errors in word formation and spelling, like "people pay the highest amount for coffee" should be "people pay the highest price for coffee," and "Brisbane sold for $2.25 for a cup of coffee" could be phrased more accurately. These errors do not impede communication significantly but are noticeable.

How to improve: To improve, focus on refining word choice and collocation to ensure accuracy. Review the use of expressions and phrases to ensure they convey the intended meaning precisely. Pay closer attention to word formation and spelling to minimize errors. Additionally, strive for a more varied and sophisticated vocabulary to enhance lexical richness.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures and displays control over grammar and punctuation. There is a mixture of simple and complex sentences used effectively throughout the essay. The majority of sentences are error-free, contributing to clear communication. Complex structures such as comparisons and numerical data are appropriately employed. However, there are a few instances of minor errors and awkward phrasing, though these do not significantly impede comprehension.

How to improve: To enhance the essay’s grammatical accuracy and range further, pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement and ensure consistency in verb tenses. Additionally, strive for smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs to improve overall coherence. Reviewing and revising for clarity and precision can help refine the expression of ideas.

Bài sửa mẫu

The table delineates the cost of a single cup of coffee across six Australian cities, encompassing Canberra, Melbourne, Brisbane, Sydney, Adelaide, and Perth, for the years 2010 and 2014.

Primarily, Sydney emerges as the city where coffee commands the highest price among the cities under scrutiny. Furthermore, Melbourne exhibits the most pronounced price escalation over the specified period.

In 2010, denizens of Sydney were parting with $2.80 for their coffee fix, witnessing a notable surge of 13.2% by 2014. Melbourne, securing the second spot in terms of coffee expenditure for both years, experienced a substantial increase of 20.8%, reaching $2.90. Conversely, Brisbane maintained a steady price of $2.25 throughout the period.

Since 2010, Perth has witnessed a 7.1% uptick in coffee prices, marginally surpassing the hike experienced in Adelaide. Consumers in Perth now dispense $2.25 per cup, while in Adelaide, the price remained under $0.25 in 2014.

Transitioning to the remaining cities, Canberra residents enjoyed the most economical caffeine indulgence, with prices standing at $1.60 in 2010 and slightly rising to $1.70 by 2014, cementing its status as the most budget-friendly destination for coffee aficionados on the list.