The table below shows the prices of cup of coffee in 6 cities in Australia in 2010 and 2014

The expenses of coffee cup in six Australlia cities in the two year 2010 and 2014 are witnessed in the given table, and some changes as well. Taken as a whole, most of the prices of coffee in Australia experienced an upward trend, with the figure for Melbourne examined showed the most moderate change over the period, while the opposite was recorded in Brisbane; in addition, Sydney had the most expensive prices of coffee during the same period.

Melbourne, a city which underwent a significant rise of 20.8%, from 2.4 dollars to 2.9 dollars; however, there was not any change registered in the field of Brisbane, still remaining stable around $2.25. As can be seen from the table, Sydney ranked first out of the six cities coffee expenses, with $2.8 in 2010 and $3.17 in 2014, respectively, and it rose by 13.2% over the 4-year period.

In terms of the remaining costs of cup of coffee, on average, increased by around 7%, namely 6.25% in Canberra, 6.95% in Adelaide and 7.1% in Perth. Generally, the costs of coffee in Cnaberra was cheaper than others over the period, with $1.7 in 2014, followed by $2 and $2.25 of the two other cities.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"expenses of coffee cup" -> "costs of coffee beverages"
Explanation: "Expenses" generally refers to the money spent on goods or services in a broader context. "Costs of coffee beverages" is a more specific and accurate term to describe the prices of coffee in different cities.
"Australlia" -> "Australia"
Explanation: The correct spelling of the country is "Australia."
"witnessed" -> "depicted" or "illustrated"
Explanation: "Witnessed" is more commonly used in the context of seeing an event or incident. "Depicted" or "illustrated" better suit the context of showing or representing data in a table.
"examined showed" -> "examined, showing"
Explanation: Adding a comma after "examined" helps improve the sentence structure for better clarity and readability.
"figure for Melbourne examined" -> "data for Melbourne examined"
Explanation: Using "data" clarifies that it refers to the information or statistics related to Melbourne’s coffee prices.
"the opposite was recorded in Brisbane" -> "contrary results were observed in Brisbane"
Explanation: Using "contrary results" provides a clearer and more descriptive way to express the opposite findings in Brisbane.
"most expensive prices of coffee" -> "highest coffee prices"
Explanation: "Most expensive prices of coffee" can be simplified to "highest coffee prices" for better conciseness and clarity.
"significant rise of 20.8%" -> "substantial increase of 20.8%"
Explanation: "Substantial increase" adds emphasis and clarity to the extent of the rise in Melbourne’s coffee prices.
"there was not any change registered" -> "no change was registered"
Explanation: Simplifying the sentence structure by removing "there was not any" makes it more direct and clear.
"ranked first out of the six cities coffee expenses" -> "topped the list among the six cities in coffee expenses"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence to avoid ambiguity and provide a clearer description of Sydney’s position in coffee expenses among the six cities.
"in terms of the remaining costs of cup of coffee" -> "regarding the other coffee prices"
Explanation: The phrase "remaining costs of cup of coffee" is a bit convoluted. A simpler and clearer phrase like "regarding the other coffee prices" conveys the intended meaning more directly.
"Cnaberra" -> "Canberra"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling of the city to "Canberra."
"was cheaper than others over the period" -> "remained consistently more affordable throughout the period"
Explanation: "Cheaper than others" can be refined to "remained consistently more affordable" for better precision and clarity.
"followed by $2 and $2.25 of the two other cities" -> "followed by $2 and $2.25 in the remaining two cities."
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for better clarity and readability by specifying that the mentioned prices belong to the remaining two cities.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by presenting an overview of the prices of coffee in six Australian cities in 2010 and 2014. It effectively highlights the key changes and trends observed during the period. The essay correctly identifies the cities with the highest and lowest coffee prices, and it generally provides a clear comparison of the price fluctuations over the four-year span.

The content includes relevant information about the price changes in Melbourne, Brisbane, Sydney, Canberra, Adelaide, and Perth. It appropriately highlights the significant changes in prices for most cities, making distinctions between cities that experienced significant increases, stable prices, and the city with the highest prices. However, the information could be more elaborated and could offer additional analysis to fully extend the presentation of key features, especially regarding the trends and variations among the cities.

How to improve:
To enhance the Task Achievement score to a higher band, consider expanding on the analysis and comparison between the cities further. Provide more specific details about the price changes in each city and emphasize the significance of these changes. Additionally, ensure a clearer and more detailed overview of the trends observed in the price fluctuations, offering deeper insights into the variations among the cities beyond mere percentage changes. Strengthen the content by providing a more comprehensive analysis of the data presented in the table, focusing on key details and trends to further support the essay’s main points.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion. The introduction and conclusion provide a clear overview of the main trends, and there is a logical progression of ideas within and between paragraphs. The use of cohesive devices, such as pronouns and conjunctions, is generally effective, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. However, there are instances of faulty cohesion, such as in the sentence "The expenses of coffee cup in six Australia cities," where the use of prepositions may confuse the reader. Paragraphing is utilized, but there are moments where it could be more logically organized. Additionally, there are some inaccuracies in referencing, such as "Cnaberra" instead of "Canberra."

How to improve:

Sentence Structure: Ensure accurate use of prepositions and refine sentence structures for clearer expression.
Proofreading: Pay attention to typographical errors, such as "Cnaberra," and verify the accuracy of city names and other details.
Logical Paragraphing: Reconsider the logical flow of paragraphs to enhance overall organization.
Consistency in Referencing: Maintain consistency in referencing city names to avoid confusion.

Note: While the essay demonstrates competency in coherence and cohesion, there is room for improvement to reach higher bands, particularly in terms of accuracy and more precise referencing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, with attempts to use less common vocabulary. There are, however, some inaccuracies in word choice and word formation. For instance, "Australlia" should be corrected to "Australia," and "Cnaberra" should be corrected to "Canberra." Additionally, there are spelling errors, such as "Cnaberra" instead of "Canberra" and "Cnaberra" instead of "Canberra," which, although they do not impede communication, contribute to a lack of precision.

The essay provides a reasonable overview of the information presented in the table, indicating an understanding of the trends in coffee prices across the cities. However, the expression could be more precise, and some sentences are awkwardly structured, affecting overall fluency.

How to improve:

Pay attention to accurate spelling and word formation. Use spell-check tools to catch errors.
Review sentence structures for clarity and fluency. Ensure that ideas are conveyed in a more straightforward manner.
Use more varied and precise vocabulary to enhance the overall lexical range.

While the essay has potential, refining language use and addressing these issues would contribute to a more effective and precise presentation, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms. While there are notable errors in grammar and punctuation, they do not significantly impede communication. The writer has presented a clear overview of the information and made attempts at using a variety of sentence structures. The use of vocabulary and the overall coherence contribute to a reasonable understanding of the content. However, there are inconsistencies in verb tenses, article usage, and some awkward phrasing that affect the overall fluency.

How to improve:

Grammar and Punctuation: Pay attention to verb tenses and article usage. Review and correct errors in subject-verb agreement to enhance sentence structure.
Sentence Structure: Aim for greater variety in sentence structures, incorporating both simple and complex sentences for a more sophisticated style.
Clarity and Coherence: Ensure that ideas flow smoothly by checking for awkward phrasing and improving the overall coherence of the essay.
Vocabulary: Continue to diversify vocabulary usage to enhance precision and demonstrate a broader range of language skills.

Note: While the essay shows potential for improvement, it effectively conveys the key information and meets the criteria for a Band 6 score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided table outlines the prices of a cup of coffee in six cities across Australia in the years 2010 and 2014.

Introduction:
The given table illustrates the variations in coffee prices across six Australian cities during the years 2010 and 2014.

Overview:
Overall, there was a prevailing upward trend in coffee prices throughout Australia during the specified period. Melbourne experienced a notable increase of 20.8%, reaching $2.9 in 2014, while Brisbane remained stable at approximately $2.25. Sydney, on the other hand, had the highest coffee prices in both years, with an increase of 13.2% from $2.8 in 2010 to $3.17 in 2014.

Detailed Analysis:
Melbourne, undergoing a substantial rise of 20.8%, saw its coffee prices climb from $2.4 to $2.9. In contrast, Brisbane exhibited no change, maintaining a constant price of around $2.25.

Sydney, holding the highest coffee prices among the cities, experienced a 13.2% increase, with costs escalating from $2.8 to $3.17 over the four-year period.

The remaining cities witnessed an average increase of approximately 7% in coffee prices. Canberra’s costs rose by 6.25%, reaching $1.7 in 2014. Adelaide saw a 6.95% increase, resulting in a 2014 price of $2, while Perth experienced a 7.1% rise, reaching $2.25.

In summary, the costs of coffee in Canberra were the most economical, totaling $1.7 in 2014, whereas Sydney stood out as the city with the highest coffee prices during the examined period.