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The table below shows the prices of cup of coffee in 6 cities in Australia in 2010 and 2014

The table below shows the prices of cup of coffee in 6 cities in Australia in 2010 and 2014

The expenses of coffee cup in six Australlia cities in the two year 2010 and 2014 are witnessed in the given table, and some changes as well.

Taken as a whole, most of the prices of coffee in Australia experienced an upward trend, with the figure for Melbourne examined showed the most moderate change over the period, while the opposite was recorded in Brisbane; in addition, Sydney had the most expensive prices of coffee during the same period.

Melbourne, a city which underwent a significant rise of 20.8%, from 2.4 dollars to 2.9 dollars; however, there was not any change registered in the field of Brisbane, still remaining stable around $2.25. As can be seen from the table, Sydney ranked first out of the six cities coffee expenses, with $2.8 in 2010 and $3.17 in 2014, respectively, and it rose by 13.2% over the 4-year period.

In terms of the remaining costs of cup of coffee, on average, increased by around 7%, namely 6.25% in Canberra, 6.95% in Adelaide and 7.1% in Perth. Generally, the costs of coffee in Cnaberra was cheaper than others over the period, with $1.7 in 2014, followed by $2 and $2.25 of the two other cities.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "The expenses of coffee cup" -> "The costs of a cup of coffee"
    Explanation: Replacing "expenses of coffee cup" with "costs of a cup of coffee" is more grammatically correct and idiomatic. It clarifies the subject and object relationship in the sentence.

  2. "in six Australlia cities" -> "across six Australian cities"
    Explanation: "In six Australia cities" should be corrected to "across six Australian cities" for grammatical accuracy and a more sophisticated expression.

  3. "two year 2010 and 2014" -> "two years, 2010 and 2014"
    Explanation: The phrase "two year 2010 and 2014" should be revised to "two years, 2010 and 2014" to maintain proper grammar and convey the intended meaning.

  4. "are witnessed" -> "are presented"
    Explanation: The phrase "are witnessed" can be replaced with "are presented" for a more formal and appropriate tone in an analytical context.

  5. "figure for Melbourne examined showed" -> "data for Melbourne revealed"
    Explanation: "Figure for Melbourne examined showed" can be improved by replacing it with "data for Melbourne revealed" for better clarity and precision.

  6. "most moderate change" -> "least significant change"
    Explanation: "Most moderate change" can be refined to "least significant change" for a more accurate description of the change in prices in Melbourne.

  7. "Brisbane; in addition" -> "Brisbane. In contrast,"
    Explanation: Using "in addition" after a semicolon is not appropriate. Instead, "Brisbane; in addition" can be changed to "Brisbane. In contrast," to convey the intended meaning more effectively.

  8. "prices of coffee" -> "coffee prices"
    Explanation: Rearranging the phrase from "prices of coffee" to "coffee prices" enhances clarity and conforms to standard usage.

  9. "ranked first out of the six cities coffee expenses" -> "had the highest coffee prices among the six cities"
    Explanation: "Ranked first out of the six cities coffee expenses" can be improved by saying "had the highest coffee prices among the six cities" for a more natural and clear expression.

  10. "rose by 13.2% over the 4-year period" -> "increased by 13.2% over the four-year period"
    Explanation: "Over the 4-year period" should be revised to "over the four-year period" for consistency in style and grammar.

  11. "remaining costs of cup of coffee" -> "remaining coffee costs"
    Explanation: "Remaining costs of cup of coffee" can be simplified to "remaining coffee costs" for conciseness and clarity.

  12. "on average, increased by around 7%" -> "on average, experienced an approximately 7% increase"
    Explanation: "On average, increased by around 7%" can be refined to "on average, experienced an approximately 7% increase" for precision and formality.

  13. "Cnaberra" -> "Canberra"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling from "Cnaberra" to "Canberra" ensures accuracy in naming the Australian capital.

  14. "was cheaper than others over the period" -> "was more economical than the others during the period"
    Explanation: "Was cheaper than others over the period" can be improved by saying "was more economical than the others during the period" for clarity and fluency.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay addresses the task by presenting information on the prices of coffee in six Australian cities in 2010 and 2014. It provides an overview of the trends and changes, mentioning the city with the highest and lowest costs. Key features are highlighted, such as the rise in Melbourne and the stability in Brisbane. However, there are instances of inaccuracies, such as stating Sydney had the most expensive prices when it was Melbourne. Additionally, the overall structure and coherence could be improved for a more developed response.

How to improve:

  1. Ensure accurate information: Review and cross-check data to avoid inaccuracies, such as mistakenly identifying the city with the highest prices.
  2. Improve coherence: Organize the essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Ensure smoother transitions between ideas for a more cohesive presentation.
  3. Elaborate on key points: While key features are mentioned, they could be more fully extended for a more comprehensive analysis. Provide additional details and analysis to support the main trends and changes in coffee prices.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a generally coherent structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The overall progression is clear, starting with an overview and then discussing individual cities. The writer attempts to provide an analysis of the coffee prices in six Australian cities over the period 2010 to 2014.

However, there are coherence and cohesion issues that prevent it from reaching a higher band score. The use of language and expression needs improvement, and there are instances of faulty sentence cohesion. For example, in the first paragraph, the phrase "are witnessed in the given table, and some changes as well" is awkward and disrupts the flow. Additionally, some sentences lack clarity, affecting the overall coherence.

Paragraphing is inconsistent, and while there is an attempt to present information logically, the essay could benefit from a more systematic organization of ideas within paragraphs. The use of cohesive devices is somewhat effective, but there are instances of awkward or inaccurate expression, impacting the smooth flow of ideas.

How to improve:

  1. Refine sentence structures for clearer expression.
  2. Ensure a more systematic organization of ideas within paragraphs, with a clear topic sentence and supporting details.
  3. Review the use of cohesive devices for accuracy and appropriateness.
  4. Pay attention to paragraphing, ensuring logical transitions between ideas.
  5. Proofread to eliminate grammatical errors and improve overall language proficiency.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a reasonably good command of vocabulary, with a variety of words used to convey ideas. There is a noticeable effort to incorporate less common lexical items, contributing to a relatively wide range of vocabulary. The candidate shows an understanding of style and collocation, enhancing the overall lexical resource. However, occasional errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation are present, which prevent it from achieving a higher band score.

The candidate effectively discusses the changes in coffee prices across Australian cities, utilizing vocabulary related to trends and comparisons. Specific city names and corresponding data are appropriately referenced. The attempt to use a varied vocabulary, such as "underwent a significant rise" and "registered in the field," demonstrates an effort to convey precise meanings.

Despite these positive aspects, there are noticeable language issues, including spelling errors (e.g., "Australlia" instead of "Australia," "Cnaberra" instead of "Canberra") and occasional awkward phrasing (e.g., "the figure for Melbourne examined showed"). Additionally, some sentences lack clarity, impacting the overall cohesion of ideas.

How to improve:

  1. Carefully proofread the essay to eliminate spelling and typographical errors.
  2. Enhance sentence structures to improve clarity and coherence.
  3. Ensure that vocabulary and phrases are used accurately to convey intended meanings.
  4. Work on refining word choices and collocations to reduce occasional inaccuracies.
  5. Aim for a more consistent level of formality in language use.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. There is a range of sentence forms used, although there are instances of grammatical errors and punctuation issues. The essay successfully communicates the main trends and details from the table, but there are noticeable language inaccuracies that slightly affect clarity.

How to improve:

  1. Grammar and Punctuation: Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and use appropriate punctuation. For instance, there are instances where singular subjects are not matched with singular verbs, and there are punctuation errors, such as missing commas after introductory phrases.

  2. Word Choice and Spelling: Check for accurate word usage and spelling. For example, "Australlia" should be spelled as "Australia," and there are some word choice issues that slightly impact the overall coherence.

  3. Sentence Structure: Continue to vary sentence structures, ensuring a mix of simple and complex sentences. However, be cautious of overcomplicating sentences, as this can lead to errors.

By addressing these areas, you can enhance the grammatical range and accuracy of your essay, leading to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Certainly! Here’s an improved version of the IELTS Task 1 report:


The provided table illustrates the pricing of a cup of coffee in six major cities across Australia during the years 2010 and 2014.

Overall, the cost of coffee in Australia exhibited an upward trajectory during the specified period. Melbourne saw a comparatively moderate increase, while Brisbane remained stable. Conversely, Sydney emerged as the city with the highest coffee prices throughout this duration.

Melbourne experienced a significant price surge of 20.8%, rising from $2.4 to $2.9 per cup. In contrast, Brisbane maintained a steady price of approximately $2.25 without any observable alteration. Sydney, with the most expensive coffee rates among the cities, escalated from $2.8 in 2010 to $3.17 in 2014, marking a 13.2% increase over the four-year span.

Regarding the remaining cities, the average increase in coffee prices was approximately 7%. Specifically, Canberra witnessed a 6.25% rise, Adelaide experienced a 6.95% increase, and Perth saw a 7.1% elevation in coffee costs. Canberra consistently offered the least expensive coffee, priced at $1.7 in 2014, followed by Adelaide at $2 and Perth at $2.25 during the same period.


This revised essay maintains the original data points while refining grammar, structure, and clarity to better align with the expectations of an IELTS Task 1 report.

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