The table below shows the production of milk annually in four countries in 1990, 2000 and2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below shows the production of milk annually in four countries in 1990, 2000 and2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The provided table illustrates a depiction on the distribution number of the milk production annually to four countries(e.g., Tanzania , Guatemala) over a span of 20 years.

Overall, it can be explicitly observed that the table indicating a profound change of milk resources. In 1990, Australia and Netherlands together accounted for approximately nine-tenths of the total Amount of milk production annually, while the less prominent portion, consisting of Tanzania and Guatemala, comprised the remaining one-tenths. Morever, in 2000, Australia emerged as the leading category, surpassing Netherlands. But Netherlands was still the largest production in 2010, followed by Australia and the rest countries.

Additionally, Guatemala represented 26000 litres in 1990, whereas it made up for 84000 litres in 2010. Similarly, the figure of Tanzania saw an increase from 87000 litres in 1990 to 155000 litres in 2010. Other major categories, Australia and Netherlands, contributed significant to the overall production of milk annually, only showed a subtle fluctuation in amout throughout the 20-years period.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "a depiction on the distribution number" -> "a depiction of the distribution numbers"
   Explanation: The phrase "distribution number" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "Depiction of the distribution numbers" corrects this and clarifies the meaning, aligning with formal academic language.

2. "e.g., Tanzania, Guatemala)" -> "namely, Tanzania and Guatemala"
   Explanation: The use of "e.g." is informal and imprecise in this context. "Namely" is more appropriate for specifying examples in formal writing, and "and" is added to correct the punctuation.

3. "profound change of milk resources" -> "significant changes in milk production"
   Explanation: "Profound change of milk resources" is vague and awkward. "Significant changes in milk production" is more precise and contextually appropriate for academic writing.

4. "the less prominent portion, consisting of Tanzania and Guatemala, comprised the remaining one-tenths" -> "the smaller portion, comprising Tanzania and Guatemala, accounted for the remaining one-tenth"
   Explanation: "Less prominent portion" is vague and "comprised" is incorrect in this context. "Smaller portion" and "accounted for" are more precise and grammatically correct.

5. "Morever" -> "Moreover"
   Explanation: "Morever" is a typographical error. "Moreover" is the correct form.

6. "the largest production in 2010, followed by Australia and the rest countries" -> "the largest producer in 2010, followed by Australia and the other countries"
   Explanation: "The largest production" is incorrect as "production" is not a noun here. "The largest producer" corrects this, and "the other countries" is more formal than "the rest countries."

7. "represented 26000 litres" -> "represented 26,000 liters"
   Explanation: "litres" should be spelled "liters" in American English, which is commonly used in academic writing in the US. Also, a comma is added for clarity and readability.

8. "made up for" -> "increased to"
   Explanation: "Made up for" is an idiom that is too informal for academic writing. "Increased to" is straightforward and appropriate for formal contexts.

9. "the figure of Tanzania saw an increase" -> "Tanzania’s figure increased"
   Explanation: "The figure of Tanzania saw an increase" is awkward and unclear. "Tanzania’s figure increased" is more direct and grammatically correct.

10. "Other major categories, Australia and Netherlands, contributed significant to the overall production of milk annually" -> "Other major contributors, Australia and the Netherlands, significantly contributed to the overall annual milk production"
    Explanation: "Contributed significant" is grammatically incorrect. "Significantly contributed" corrects this, and "the Netherlands" should be capitalized as it is a proper noun. Additionally, "annually" is redundant as "annual" is already implied by "production."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to summarize the information presented in the table, but it does not fully address all aspects of the prompt. While it mentions the countries and the years, it lacks a comprehensive overview of the data, such as specific figures for each country in each year, and fails to provide a clear comparison of trends across the years. For instance, the essay notes that Australia and the Netherlands accounted for a significant portion of milk production but does not provide exact figures or a clear trend analysis for all countries.
  • How to improve: To improve, the essay should include specific data points for all countries across the three years, ensuring that each country’s production is mentioned. A clearer structure that separates the summary of data from the comparisons would also enhance clarity. Including a brief introduction that outlines the main trends observed would help in addressing all parts of the question more effectively.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay lacks a clear position or thesis statement that guides the reader through the analysis. While it mentions changes in milk production, it does not consistently articulate a clear viewpoint or conclusion about the overall trends. For example, the statement about Australia surpassing the Netherlands is somewhat vague and does not clarify the significance of this change.
  • How to improve: Establish a clear thesis statement in the introduction that outlines the main trends and comparisons you will discuss. Consistently refer back to this position throughout the essay to maintain focus and coherence. Using transitional phrases can help to reinforce the connections between ideas and ensure the reader understands the significance of the data presented.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas regarding milk production but lacks depth in extending and supporting these ideas. For instance, while it mentions increases in production for Guatemala and Tanzania, it does not explain the implications of these increases or how they compare to the changes in Australia and the Netherlands. The analysis feels superficial and does not delve into the reasons behind the trends or their significance.
  • How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, provide more detailed comparisons and analyses of the data. For example, discuss why certain countries may have increased production while others did not, or what factors could contribute to the fluctuations observed. Including more specific data and making connections between the figures would strengthen the overall argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on milk production in the specified countries. However, there are moments where the language becomes unclear or imprecise, such as “the table indicating a profound change of milk resources,” which could confuse readers about what is being discussed. Additionally, the phrase "the rest countries" is awkwardly phrased and detracts from the professionalism of the writing.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that all language used is precise and clear. Avoid vague terms and ensure that every statement directly relates to the data presented in the table. Proofreading for grammatical accuracy and clarity will help in presenting a more polished and focused essay.

Overall, to improve the essay’s score, the writer should focus on providing a more comprehensive summary of the data, establishing a clear position, extending and supporting ideas with detailed comparisons, and maintaining clarity and relevance throughout.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents the information in a generally logical manner, starting with an overview of the data and then moving into specific details about each country’s production over the years. However, the transitions between points could be smoother. For example, the shift from discussing the overall trends to specific country data feels abrupt. The mention of Australia and the Netherlands as leading producers is clear, but the subsequent comparison with Guatemala and Tanzania lacks a cohesive transition.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer transition phrases between sections. For instance, after discussing the overall trends, you could introduce the specific countries with a sentence like, "Focusing on individual countries, we can see notable changes in production levels." This would create a smoother flow and help the reader follow the argument more easily.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay lacks clear paragraphing, which affects its readability and overall structure. The information is presented in a single block of text, making it difficult for the reader to distinguish between different ideas or sections. A well-structured essay should have distinct paragraphs for the introduction, overview, and detailed comparisons.
  • How to improve: Implement a clear paragraph structure by separating the introduction, overall trends, and specific country comparisons into distinct paragraphs. For example, start with an introductory paragraph that outlines the table’s content, followed by a paragraph summarizing the overall trends, and then dedicate separate paragraphs to discuss each country’s production in detail. This will improve clarity and make the essay easier to navigate.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as "overall," "additionally," and "similarly," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some phrases are used repetitively. For instance, "in 2010" appears multiple times without variation, which can make the writing feel monotonous. Additionally, the use of "but" to transition between contrasting points could be expanded with other devices like "however" or "on the other hand."
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, try incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "in 2010," you could use alternatives like "by the year 2010" or "at the end of the decade." Additionally, consider using more complex devices, such as "in contrast" or "conversely," to enhance the sophistication of your writing. This will not only improve cohesion but also demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents relevant information, improvements in organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will enhance clarity and coherence, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "illustrates," "depiction," "accounted for," and "emerged" indicating an attempt to use varied language. However, the vocabulary is somewhat limited in its diversity and sophistication. For instance, the phrase "the less prominent portion" could be more effectively expressed with alternatives like "the minor contributors" or "the lesser share." Additionally, the use of "categories" and "major categories" feels repetitive and could be replaced with synonyms such as "nations" or "countries" to enhance variety.
  • How to improve: To improve vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate more synonyms and varied expressions. Practicing with vocabulary lists related to data description and comparison could help. Reading sample essays that achieve higher band scores can also provide insight into more advanced vocabulary usage.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that detract from the clarity of the essay. For example, the phrase "the table indicating a profound change of milk resources" is vague; it would be clearer to specify what kind of change is being referred to (e.g., "a significant increase in milk production"). Additionally, the term "leading category" is misleading, as it implies a classification rather than referring to a country. The phrase "the rest countries" is also incorrect; it should be "the other countries."
  • How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately reflects the data being described. This can be achieved by practicing paraphrasing and ensuring that terms are contextually appropriate. Reviewing the definitions and usages of key terms related to data interpretation can also aid in achieving greater precision.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that impact its overall quality. For instance, "Morever" should be "Moreover," "amout" should be "amount," and "the remaining one-tenths" should be "the remaining one-tenth." These errors indicate a lack of attention to detail and can distract the reader from the content of the essay.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular spelling practice, particularly focusing on commonly misspelled words. Utilizing spell-check tools and proofreading the essay multiple times before submission can help catch errors. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of frequently misspelled words and reviewing them can reinforce correct spelling habits.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the task and employs some varied vocabulary, there are significant areas for improvement in terms of vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By addressing these issues, the writer can enhance their Lexical Resource score in future IELTS writing tasks.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases like "In 1990, Australia and Netherlands together accounted for approximately nine-tenths of the total Amount of milk production annually." However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the way comparisons are presented. The phrase "Australia emerged as the leading category, surpassing Netherlands" could be varied further to enhance the complexity and interest of the writing.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied conjunctions and relative clauses. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "while" or "whereas," try using "although," "despite," or "in contrast." Additionally, varying the placement of adverbial phrases can create more dynamic sentence constructions. For example, "Despite a decrease in production, Australia remained a key player in the milk industry" offers a different structure that conveys the same information.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For example, the phrase "a depiction on the distribution number of the milk production annually to four countries" is awkward and grammatically incorrect; it should be rephrased to "a depiction of the annual milk production in four countries." Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as the missing space after the comma in "Tanzania , Guatemala," and the incorrect capitalization of "Amount" in "total Amount of milk production." The use of "Morever" instead of "Moreover" is another example of a typographical error that affects the professionalism of the writing.
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is crucial to proofread the essay carefully. Pay attention to common grammatical structures and punctuation rules, such as the correct placement of commas and the use of capital letters. Practicing sentence rephrasing can also help identify awkward constructions. Additionally, consider using grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers to catch errors that may be overlooked during self-editing.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, there are areas for improvement that can elevate the writing to a higher band score. By diversifying sentence structures and enhancing grammatical and punctuation accuracy, the overall clarity and effectiveness of the essay will improve significantly.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided table illustrates a depiction of the distribution numbers of milk production annually in four countries (namely, Tanzania and Guatemala) over a span of 20 years.

Overall, it can be explicitly observed that the table indicates significant changes in milk production. In 1990, Australia and the Netherlands together accounted for approximately nine-tenths of the total amount of milk production annually, while the smaller portion, comprising Tanzania and Guatemala, accounted for the remaining one-tenth. Moreover, in 2000, Australia emerged as the leading producer, surpassing the Netherlands. However, the Netherlands was still the largest producer in 2010, followed by Australia and the other countries.

Additionally, Guatemala represented 26,000 liters in 1990, whereas it increased to 84,000 liters in 2010. Similarly, Tanzania’s figure increased from 87,000 liters in 1990 to 155,000 liters in 2010. Other major contributors, Australia and the Netherlands, significantly contributed to the overall annual milk production, only showing subtle fluctuations in amount throughout the 20-year period.