The table below shows the proportion of income spent on 4 common items in the UK in 1998.

The table below shows the proportion of income spent on 4 common items in the UK in 1998.

The table presents the percentage of earnings that adults and young people paid for four common items in the United Kingdom in 1998.

It is clear that adults and juveniles in the UK had significantly different spending patterns in 1998. Adolescents spent the most on technological devices, music, and videos, whereas the majority of expenditure was spent on food by adults.

In terms of grown-up, food accounted for the largest portion of investing when a quarter of their salary was used for this category, with women spending the highest percentage (39%) on food as opposed to men at 14%. However, both men's and women’s investment in the other 3 items was quite low. Expenditure on electronic gadgets accounted for 10% of men’s earnings, in contrast to the spending percentage of only 1% by women. The three adult groups, on the other hand, each spent a similar amount on music (5%). Their video expenses were relatively small in comparison to their investment, which was only 2% and 0.5%, respectively.

In contrast to adults, young people spent a significantly smaller proportion of their income on food while a large amount of their budget went into music, gadgets, and videos. The majority of their money used for electronic supplies was 23% with boys spending 18%, which almost tripled that of girls. Noticeably, there was a slight difference in their payments to the others, ranging from 1% to 2% for each.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "adults and young people" -> "adults and adolescents"
   Explanation: "Adolescents" is a more precise term in academic contexts, referring specifically to individuals between the ages of 13 and 19, whereas "young people" is too vague and informal for academic writing.

2. "paid for" -> "spent on"
   Explanation: "Spent on" is more commonly used in academic texts to describe the allocation of funds, making it more appropriate for this context.

3. "juveniles" -> "young people"
   Explanation: Although "juveniles" is technically correct, it is less commonly used in modern English and may sound archaic or overly formal. "Young people" is more contemporary and suitable for academic writing.

4. "In terms of grown-up" -> "Regarding adults"
   Explanation: "Regarding adults" is more formal and precise, avoiding the colloquial and awkward construction "In terms of grown-up."

5. "investing" -> "expenditure"
   Explanation: "Expenditure" is the correct term for discussing the amount spent, whereas "investing" implies a more strategic allocation of funds, which is not the intended meaning here.

6. "a quarter of their salary was used for this category" -> "a quarter of their income was allocated to this category"
   Explanation: "Income" is more appropriate than "salary" in this context, as it encompasses all forms of earnings, not just salary. "Allocated" is also more precise than "used for," which is vague.

7. "spending percentage" -> "percentage of spending"
   Explanation: "Percentage of spending" is grammatically correct and clearer than "spending percentage," which is awkward and less formal.

8. "The three adult groups" -> "The three categories of adults"
   Explanation: "Categories of adults" clarifies that the groups are based on demographic characteristics, enhancing the precision of the statement.

9. "each spent a similar amount" -> "each allocated similar amounts"
   Explanation: "Allocated" is more specific and appropriate for discussing financial distribution, improving the formality and clarity of the sentence.

10. "their investment" -> "their expenditure"
    Explanation: "Expenditure" is the correct term for discussing the amount spent, whereas "investment" implies a more strategic allocation of funds, which is not the intended meaning here.

11. "a large amount of their budget went into" -> "a significant portion of their budget was allocated to"
    Explanation: "A significant portion of their budget was allocated to" is more formal and precise, replacing the informal "went into."

12. "The majority of their money used for" -> "The majority of their funds allocated to"
    Explanation: "Funds allocated to" is more formal and precise than "money used for," which is less specific and less formal.

13. "Noticeably" -> "Notably"
    Explanation: "Notably" is the correct adverb to use in formal academic writing, whereas "noticeably" is less formal and slightly awkward in this context.

14. "payments to the others" -> "expenditure on the other items"
    Explanation: "Expenditure on the other items" is more specific and formal, replacing the vague and informal "payments to the others."

These changes enhance the precision, formality, and clarity of the text, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing the spending patterns of adults and young people in the UK in 1998. However, it lacks a comprehensive overview of the data presented in the table. For instance, while it mentions the spending on food, technology, music, and videos, it does not clearly quantify the proportions for all categories or provide a complete comparison between the two groups. The phrase "the majority of expenditure was spent on food by adults" is vague and does not specify the actual percentage or how it relates to other categories.
  • How to improve: To improve, the essay should include specific figures from the table for each category and group, ensuring that all parts of the prompt are addressed. A clearer summary of the overall trends and comparisons between adults and young people would enhance the response.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a general position regarding the differences in spending habits between adults and young people. However, the position lacks clarity and consistency. For example, the term "juveniles" is used interchangeably with "young people," which may confuse the reader. Additionally, the essay does not consistently emphasize the significance of these differences or why they matter.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should define terms consistently and reinforce the main argument throughout the essay. A concluding sentence that summarizes the key differences and their implications would strengthen the overall position.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas about spending habits but does not extend or support them effectively. For instance, while it states that young people spent a larger portion on technology, it does not explain why this might be the case or provide context for these spending habits. The analysis feels superficial and lacks depth.
  • How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the writer should elaborate on the reasons behind the spending patterns and provide more detailed analysis. Including comparisons and contrasts with additional context would help in extending and supporting the ideas presented.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the spending habits of adults and young people. However, there are moments where the information presented feels disjointed or lacks a clear connection to the main theme. For example, the phrase "the three adult groups" is confusing, as it does not clarify which groups are being referenced.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all statements are directly related to the spending habits of the specified groups. Clear transitions and logical flow between points will help keep the essay on topic and improve coherence.

Overall, the essay needs to be expanded to meet the word count requirement and to provide a more thorough analysis of the data presented in the prompt. By addressing these areas for improvement, the writer can enhance the clarity, depth, and overall effectiveness of their response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear comparison between the spending habits of adults and young people in the UK in 1998. The introduction effectively sets the context, and the subsequent paragraphs logically progress from discussing adults’ spending to young people’s spending. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing adults to young people is somewhat abrupt, which can disrupt the reader’s understanding of the overall comparison.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that clearly indicate shifts in focus, such as "In comparison," or "On the other hand," at the beginning of paragraphs or sections. Additionally, structuring the essay to first summarize the overall trends before delving into specifics for each group could provide a clearer roadmap for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, with one paragraph dedicated to adults and another to young people. However, the paragraphs could be more clearly defined with topic sentences that encapsulate the main idea of each paragraph. For example, the paragraph discussing adults could start with a clear statement about their overall spending habits before detailing specific percentages.
  • How to improve: Begin each paragraph with a strong topic sentence that summarizes the main point. This will help the reader quickly grasp the focus of each section. Additionally, consider breaking down longer paragraphs into smaller ones if they contain multiple ideas, which can improve readability and coherence.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "In contrast" and "however," to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the phrase "the three adult groups, on the other hand," lacks clarity since it does not specify which groups are being referred to.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," or "conversely." Additionally, ensure that references to groups or items are clear and specific to avoid ambiguity. For instance, instead of "the three adult groups," specify "adult men and women" to clarify the comparison being made.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of coherence and cohesion, implementing these suggestions could elevate the clarity and effectiveness of the writing, potentially improving the band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, particularly in terms of common terms related to spending and categories of items (e.g., "technological devices," "music," "videos," "expenditure"). However, the use of synonyms and varied expressions is somewhat limited. For instance, the repeated use of "spending" and "investment" could be diversified with alternatives like "expenditure," "allocation," or "disbursement."
  • How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, the writer should incorporate more synonyms and related terms throughout the essay. For example, instead of repeating "spending," consider using "outlay" or "allocation" in different contexts. Additionally, using phrases like "financial commitment" or "monetary allocation" can add variety and sophistication to the writing.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the term "juveniles" is used to refer to young people, which is more commonly associated with legal contexts rather than casual descriptions of age groups. Additionally, phrases like "the majority of expenditure was spent on food" could be more concisely expressed as "the majority of expenditure went to food."
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should choose vocabulary that accurately reflects the context. For instance, replacing "juveniles" with "young people" or "youth" would be more appropriate. Furthermore, revising phrases for conciseness can enhance clarity; for example, "the majority of expenditure went to food" is clearer and more direct than the original phrasing.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a generally good level of spelling accuracy, with only a few minor errors. However, the term "grown-up" is used inappropriately in a formal context; "adults" would be the correct term. Additionally, "investing" is incorrectly used when referring to spending; the correct term should be "expenditure" or "spending."
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully to catch any errors and ensure that the vocabulary used is appropriate for the context. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward or incorrect word choices. Furthermore, familiarizing oneself with formal vocabulary and their correct usage will improve overall writing quality.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant information, there are opportunities for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By incorporating a wider variety of terms, ensuring precise usage, and carefully proofreading for spelling and context, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of "whereas" in the second sentence effectively contrasts the spending patterns of adults and young people. Additionally, phrases like "in terms of grown-up" and "in contrast to adults" show an attempt to use varied grammatical forms to convey comparisons. However, some sentences are overly simplistic or awkwardly constructed, such as “the majority of expenditure was spent on food by adults,” which could be more fluidly expressed.
  • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer could incorporate more complex sentences that combine multiple clauses. For example, instead of saying, "Adolescents spent the most on technological devices, music, and videos," the writer could say, "While adolescents allocated the largest portion of their income to technological devices, music, and videos, adults prioritized food expenditures." Additionally, varying the sentence openings and using more sophisticated conjunctions or transitions could improve the overall flow and complexity of the writing.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are several instances of awkward phrasing and minor grammatical errors. For example, the phrase "the largest portion of investing" is awkward and should be revised to "the largest portion of their income." Additionally, the use of "grown-up" is informal and should be replaced with "adults" for clarity and formality. Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are instances where commas could enhance readability, such as before "whereas" in the second sentence.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on refining awkward phrases and ensuring that word choices are appropriate for an academic context. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly focusing on common errors, can help. Furthermore, proofreading for punctuation errors and ensuring that commas are used correctly to separate clauses will enhance clarity. It may also be beneficial to read more academic texts to familiarize oneself with formal language and structure.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammatical range and accuracy, but there is room for improvement in sentence variety and precision in language use. By focusing on these areas, the writer can aim for a higher band score in future essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

The table presents the percentage of income that adults and adolescents allocated to four common items in the United Kingdom in 1998.

It is clear that adults and young people in the UK had significantly different spending patterns in 1998. Young people spent the most on technological devices, music, and videos, whereas the majority of expenditure for adults was on food.

Regarding adults, food accounted for the largest portion of their expenditure, with a quarter of their income allocated to this category. Women spent the highest percentage (39%) on food compared to men, who allocated only 14%. However, both men’s and women’s expenditure on the other three items was relatively low. Spending on electronic gadgets accounted for 10% of men’s earnings, in contrast to only 1% for women. The three categories of adults, on the other hand, each allocated similar amounts to music (5%). Their video expenses were relatively small in comparison, at only 2% and 0.5%, respectively.

In contrast to adults, young people spent a significantly smaller percentage of their income on food, while a substantial portion of their budget was allocated to music, gadgets, and videos. The majority of their funds allocated to electronic devices was 23%, with boys spending 18%, which was nearly three times that of girls. Notably, there was a slight difference in their expenditure on the other items, ranging from 1% to 2% for each category.