The Table below shows the results of a survey that asked 6800 Scottish adults (aged 16 years and over) whether they had taken part in different cultural activities in the past 12 months. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.
The Table below shows the results of a survey that asked 6800 Scottish adults (aged 16 years and over) whether they had taken part in different cultural activities in the past 12 months.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
Write at least 150 words.
The table chart illustrates the consequences of examine from 6800 adults living in Scotland ( between 16 years old and over) if they had participated in unsimilar cultural action throught the past 12 moths
It can be clearly seen that, all adults from 16 to 44 and over keened on doing any performance. Nevertheless undertaking any crafts were favourited by peoples in 45- 74
The Scottish in 16- 24 years old trended to make any performance as dacing, singing… and any visual arts occupied major percenatage of total with 35% and excactly 30% respectively. Along with that, maturity in Scotland from 25-44 also founf of any performance with nearly quarter rates. However, they tended to play undertaking nay crafts and cultural purchases compared to any performance like 16-24 so them played the second biggest proportion of total around 17%
On the other hand, resident in Scotland from 45 years old and over did not prefer any writing as younger people. Therefore, that activity just occupied 5 and 7% . Moreover, they still didn’t favor of getting computer based. Accrodingly to the result, the percentage of these action played a minor in different cultural activities of Scottish between 45 and over.
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Errors and Improvements:
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"examine" -> "examination"
Explanation: "Examine" is a verb, whereas "examination" is a noun that better fits the context of the study or survey being discussed. -
"unsimilar" -> "varied" or "diverse"
Explanation: "Unsimilar" is not commonly used in English. "Varied" or "diverse" would be more appropriate to convey the idea of different cultural activities. -
"throught" -> "throughout"
Explanation: "Throught" is a misspelling. "Throughout" is the correct term to indicate the entire duration of the past 12 months. -
"keened on" -> "interested in" or "engaged in"
Explanation: "Keened on" is not idiomatic. "Interested in" or "engaged in" are more natural phrases to express enthusiasm or involvement. -
"favourited" -> "preferred"
Explanation: "Favourited" is not standard English. "Preferred" is a more appropriate term to indicate what activities were chosen or liked. -
"peoples" -> "individuals" or "participants"
Explanation: "Peoples" is not typically used in this context. "Individuals" or "participants" would be more precise and formal. -
"throught" -> "throughout"
Explanation: Another instance of "throught" being misspelled. "Throughout" is the correct term to indicate the entire duration. -
"percenatage" -> "percentage"
Explanation: "Percenatage" is misspelled. "Percentage" is the correct spelling of the word. -
"excactly" -> "exactly"
Explanation: "Excactly" is a misspelling. "Exactly" is the correct term to indicate precision or accuracy. -
"maturity" -> "adults" or "individuals"
Explanation: "Maturity" does not accurately convey the intended meaning in this context. "Adults" or "individuals" would be more suitable to refer to the age group. -
"founf" -> "found"
Explanation: "Founf" is a misspelling. "Found" is the correct past tense form of the verb "find." -
"undertaking nay crafts" -> "engaging in any crafts"
Explanation: "Undertaking nay crafts" is awkward. "Engaging in any crafts" is a clearer and more natural way to express involvement in crafting activities. -
"favor of" -> "favorable towards" or "interested in"
Explanation: "Favor of" is not the correct prepositional phrase here. "Favorable towards" or "interested in" would better convey the idea of preference. -
"getting computer based" -> "engaging in computer-based activities"
Explanation: "Getting computer based" is unclear and awkward. "Engaging in computer-based activities" is a more precise way to describe involvement with technology. -
"Accrodingly" -> "Accordingly"
Explanation: "Accrodingly" is a misspelling. "Accordingly" is the correct term to indicate consequence or correlation. -
"played a minor in" -> "played a minor role in"
Explanation: "Played a minor in" is grammatically incorrect. "Played a minor role in" is the correct phrase to indicate the extent of involvement.
Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5.0
Explanation:
The essay generally addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the data presented in the table. It provides an overview of the participation in different cultural activities by age groups in Scotland over the past 12 months. However, there are several areas where improvements are needed:
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Clarity and Coherence: The essay lacks clarity and coherence due to grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For instance, "keened on doing any performance" and "favourited by peoples" are unclear expressions.
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Accuracy and Specificity: While the essay attempts to highlight key features such as the preference for certain activities by different age groups, the presentation lacks specificity and accuracy. For example, percentages are mentioned without clear reference to the data in the table.
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Detail and Relevance: The essay provides some detail about the participation trends but lacks depth and relevance. It mentions percentages without elaborating on their significance or relevance to the overall trends.
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Organization: The essay lacks proper organization and structure. It jumps between age groups without a clear transition, making it difficult for the reader to follow the discussion.
How to improve:
- Focus on improving grammar and sentence structure to enhance clarity and coherence.
- Ensure accuracy and specificity by referring directly to the data in the table and providing clear explanations of the trends.
- Include relevant details and avoid irrelevant information to provide a more comprehensive analysis of the data.
- Organize the essay logically with clear transitions between different age groups and cultural activities to improve readability and comprehension.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4
Band Score: 4.0
Explanation:
The essay lacks coherence and cohesion due to several reasons. Firstly, the organization of ideas is unclear, with abrupt transitions between topics and no clear progression of information. There is a lack of overall coherence and progression in the response. Additionally, the use of cohesive devices is inadequate and sometimes inaccurate, leading to confusion for the reader. The essay lacks clear paragraphing, with ideas presented in a disjointed manner, making it difficult to follow.
How to improve:
- Focus on organizing ideas logically and ensuring a clear progression throughout the essay. Each paragraph should have a clear central topic and contribute to the overall coherence of the response.
- Use cohesive devices effectively to establish clear relationships between ideas and improve the flow of the essay. Avoid repetitive or inaccurate use of cohesive devices.
- Ensure proper paragraphing by structuring the essay into coherent paragraphs, each addressing a specific aspect of the topic. This will help improve clarity and readability for the reader.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 4
Band Score: 4
Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary, with basic word choices and repetitive language throughout. While the essay attempts to convey the main features of the survey results, the lexical resource lacks sophistication and variety. There are numerous errors in word formation and spelling, which may cause strain for the reader. Additionally, some phrases lack clarity and coherence, impacting the overall effectiveness of communication.
How to improve:
- Expand vocabulary: Use a wider range of vocabulary to convey ideas more precisely and effectively. This can include synonyms, idiomatic expressions, and more varied language structures.
- Improve word choice: Pay attention to selecting appropriate words and phrases for conveying specific meanings. Avoid repetition and strive for clarity and precision.
- Enhance spelling and word formation: Review spelling and word formation rules to minimize errors and improve overall readability. Proofread the essay carefully to catch and correct mistakes before submission.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 4
Band Score: 4.0
Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, but it falls short in terms of grammatical accuracy and punctuation. The essay lacks consistency in structure, leading to unclear expression of ideas. While the essay attempts to summarize the data presented in the table, the language used is often unclear and does not effectively communicate the intended message. There are frequent grammatical errors, including issues with subject-verb agreement, article usage, and tense consistency. Additionally, punctuation errors such as missing commas and incorrect sentence structure further hinder clarity.
How to improve:
To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, the essay writer should focus on sentence structure, ensuring that both simple and complex sentence forms are used appropriately. Clear and concise expression of ideas should be prioritized, with attention to grammatical accuracy and punctuation. It’s essential to proofread the essay carefully to identify and correct errors in grammar and punctuation, as these can significantly impact the reader’s understanding of the text. Additionally, practicing writing essays under timed conditions can help improve fluency and coherence in expressing ideas.
Bài sửa mẫu
The provided table outlines the outcomes of a survey conducted among 6800 adult residents of Scotland, aged 16 and above, regarding their engagement in various cultural pursuits over the past year.
Overall, it is evident that cultural participation varied across different age groups. Notably, individuals aged 16 to 44 exhibited a penchant for performance-related activities, while those aged 45 to 74 displayed a preference for crafts.
In the age bracket of 16 to 24, a significant proportion showed interest in performance arts such as dancing and singing, constituting 35% and 30% of the total respondents respectively. Similarly, adults aged 25 to 44 demonstrated a notable inclination towards performance activities, with approximately one-fourth of them engaging in such pursuits. However, this group also displayed a considerable preference for crafts and cultural purchases, accounting for around 17% of the total.
Conversely, adults aged 45 and above exhibited less enthusiasm for performance arts compared to their younger counterparts. Activities like writing and computer-based endeavors were less favored among this demographic, comprising only 5% and 7% respectively. Consequently, these activities constituted a smaller proportion of cultural engagement among adults aged 45 and above.
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