the table describes the change of people who went international travel from 1990 to 2005

The given table presents the difference in the people traveling overseas from 1990 to 2005
Overall, the total number of overseas travelers witnessed a gradual rise over the period shown, with Europe occupying the highest number of international travelers throughout the period. It is noticeable that America was the only *destination/tourist attraction* with a drop in the number of visitors in 2005.
As can be seen from the table, in 1990, there were 280.2 million of European international tourists compared to 680.5 million Americans and 60.2 million sightseers from Asia and the Pacific. At the same time, the figure for Africa was significantly lower, at 18.2 million people while the lowest figure belonged to the middle west, at 9.8 million one.
The similar *patterns/trends* could be seen in the number of all nations except for America, experiencing a stable rise and ending at 28.7 million African international travelers, 400.2 million European ones, 135.8 million tourists from Asia and the Pacific as well as 15.8 million ones from the Middle West. Meanwhile, the number of American travelers dropped dramatically to 113.2 million in 2005 *despite a slight increase between 1995 and 2000.*

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The given table presents the difference in the people traveling overseas from 1990 to 2005" -> "The table depicts the variation in international travel from 1990 to 2005"
Explanation: Replacing "The given table presents the difference in the people traveling overseas" with "The table depicts the variation in international travel" refines the language to be more precise and formal, focusing on the action of depiction rather than the more casual "presents."
"Europe occupying the highest number of international travelers" -> "Europe had the highest number of international travelers"
Explanation: Changing "occupying" to "had" corrects the verb tense to match the past context of the data, enhancing grammatical accuracy and clarity.
"America was the only destination/tourist attraction" -> "America was the only destination"
Explanation: Removing "tourist attraction" corrects the redundancy and awkward phrasing, making the sentence more concise and formally appropriate.
"sightseers from Asia and the Pacific" -> "visitors from Asia and the Pacific"
Explanation: Replacing "sightseers" with "visitors" is more commonly used in academic and formal contexts to refer to people traveling for leisure or tourism purposes.
"the lowest figure belonged to the middle west" -> "the lowest figure was in the Middle West"
Explanation: Changing "belonged to" to "was in" corrects the grammatical structure, and capitalizing "Middle West" correctly identifies the region.
"The similar patterns/trends" -> "Similar trends"
Explanation: Removing "patterns" and using "trends" simplifies the phrase while maintaining the intended meaning, aligning better with academic style.
"experiencing a stable rise" -> "showing a consistent increase"
Explanation: Replacing "experiencing a stable rise" with "showing a consistent increase" uses more precise and formal language suitable for an academic context.
"the number of American travelers dropped dramatically to 113.2 million" -> "the number of American travelers decreased significantly to 113.2 million"
Explanation: Replacing "dropped dramatically" with "decreased significantly" uses more formal vocabulary and avoids emotional language, which is less appropriate in academic writing.
"despite a slight increase between 1995 and 2000." -> "despite a slight increase between 1995 and 2000"
Explanation: Adding a period at the end of the sentence corrects the punctuation, ensuring proper sentence structure and readability.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main trends in the data, but it does not fully extend the key features. For example, the essay states that "the total number of overseas travelers witnessed a gradual rise over the period shown," but it does not provide any specific details about the rate of increase. Additionally, the essay highlights the key feature of America’s drop in visitors in 2005, but it does not provide any further analysis of this trend.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more specific details about the trends in the data. For example, the essay could state that the number of European international tourists increased by approximately 120 million between 1990 and 2005. Additionally, the essay could provide more analysis of the drop in American travelers, such as suggesting possible reasons for this trend.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay presents information and ideas in a coherent manner, with a clear overall progression from the introduction to the conclusion. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat mechanical, and there are instances where the referencing is not clear, leading to potential confusion for the reader. The paragraphing is present but could be improved for better logical flow. Overall, while the essay conveys the necessary information, it lacks the sophistication and clarity required for a higher band score.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on using a wider range of cohesive devices more naturally, ensuring that transitions between ideas are smooth and logical. Additionally, improving the clarity of referencing (e.g., specifying what "the number of travelers" refers to in each instance) and ensuring that paragraphs are logically structured with clear topic sentences would strengthen the organization of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, allowing for clear communication of the data presented in the table. There are attempts to use less common vocabulary, such as "witnessed," "occupying," and "significantly lower," but inaccuracies in word choice and collocation are present, such as "the lowest figure belonged to the middle west" and "the similar patterns could be seen." Additionally, there are some errors in spelling and word formation, such as "middle west" (should be "Middle West") and "despite a slight increase between 1995 and 2000" (which could be phrased more clearly). These issues do not severely impede communication but do detract from the overall lexical quality of the essay.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary range and ensuring precise word choice. This can be achieved by practicing the use of synonyms and varying expressions to avoid repetition. Furthermore, attention should be paid to collocation and the correct use of phrases to improve fluency and naturalness. Finally, proofreading for spelling and grammatical accuracy will help eliminate minor errors that could affect the overall impression of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of Band 6. While there are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, they do not significantly impede communication. The writer attempts to use a variety of structures, but there are noticeable issues with accuracy and punctuation. For instance, phrases like "the lowest figure belonged to the middle west, at 9.8 million one" are awkward and could be clearer. Additionally, the use of terms like "the similar patterns could be seen" is not idiomatic. Overall, the essay shows a reasonable command of grammar but lacks the consistency and accuracy required for a higher band score.

How to improve:

Enhance Sentence Variety: Incorporate more complex sentence structures and ensure they are used accurately. This could involve using subordinate clauses more effectively.
Focus on Accuracy: Pay closer attention to grammatical accuracy, particularly with subject-verb agreement and article usage. For example, "the middle west" should be "the Middle West" for proper noun capitalization.
Refine Vocabulary Usage: Use more precise vocabulary and idiomatic expressions to improve clarity and coherence. Avoid awkward phrases and ensure that terminology is appropriate for the context.
Proofread for Errors: Allocate time for proofreading to catch minor errors and improve punctuation, which can enhance overall readability and professionalism.

Bài sửa mẫu

The given table presents the changes in the number of people traveling internationally from 1990 to 2005. Overall, the total number of overseas travelers witnessed a gradual rise over the period shown, with Europe occupying the highest number of international travelers throughout this time. It is notable that America was the only destination that experienced a decline in the number of visitors in 2005.

As can be seen from the table, in 1990, there were 280.2 million European international tourists compared to 680.5 million Americans and 60.2 million sightseers from Asia and the Pacific. At the same time, the figure for Africa was significantly lower, at 18.2 million people, while the lowest figure belonged to the Middle East, at 9.8 million.

Similar trends could be observed in the number of travelers from all regions except for America, which experienced a stable rise, ending with 28.7 million African international travelers, 400.2 million European ones, 135.8 million tourists from Asia and the Pacific, and 15.8 million from the Middle East. Meanwhile, the number of American travelers dropped dramatically to 113.2 million in 2005, despite a slight increase between 1995 and 2000.