The table describes the changes of people who went for international travel in 1990, 1995, 2000 and 2005 (in millions). Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features,and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart illustrates the changes of international tourists in 5 areas from 1990 to 2005. Generally, the number of tourists was witnessed significant increases in all 5 continients. To be specific, three areas which had the most changes were Europe, Asia and the Pacific, and America. They contributed the most to the total number of changing in international tourism.
Europe stood the first place with a big number of modification in international tourism from 280.2 millions in 1990 to 400.2 in 2005. Following it was Asia and the Pacific, the amount of people who had abroad travel in 2005 was almost double to it was in last 15 years. Although America was ranked at third place, it showed a slight movement and was decreased a bit from 118.2 millions to 113.2 millions. Africa and Middle East had least number of the changes of people travelling overseas. In 2005, Africa was recorded 28.7 millions, which only more than it was in 1995 about 10 millions. The last place in the table was Middle East with 15.8 millions in 1995.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"the changes of international tourists" -> "the changes in international tourist numbers"
Explanation: "Changes in" is the correct prepositional phrase to indicate a variation or difference, and "international tourist numbers" is more precise than "international tourists."
"was witnessed significant increases" -> "witnessed significant increases"
Explanation: The phrase "was witnessed" is awkward and unnecessary. The verb "witnessed" can stand alone, making the sentence clearer and more direct.
"the most changes were Europe, Asia and the Pacific, and America" -> "the most significant changes were observed in Europe, Asia and the Pacific, and America"
Explanation: Adding "significant" clarifies the type of changes being referred to, and "were observed in" is a more formal and precise way to indicate where the changes occurred.
"contributed the most to the total number of changing in international tourism" -> "contributed the most to the total changes in international tourism"
Explanation: "Total changes" is more concise and eliminates the awkward phrasing "number of changing," which is grammatically incorrect.
"stood the first place" -> "ranked first"
Explanation: "Ranked first" is a more standard and formal expression in academic writing than "stood the first place."
"a big number of modification" -> "a significant increase"
Explanation: "Significant increase" is a more precise and academically appropriate term than "a big number of modification," which is vague and informal.
"the amount of people who had abroad travel" -> "the number of individuals who traveled abroad"
Explanation: "The number of individuals" is more formal and precise than "the amount of people," and "traveled abroad" is a clearer expression than "had abroad travel."
"was almost double to it was in last 15 years" -> "was almost double what it was 15 years prior"
Explanation: This revision clarifies the comparison and improves grammatical structure, making it more formal and precise.
"ranked at third place" -> "ranked third"
Explanation: "Ranked third" is a more concise and formal expression than "ranked at third place."
"showed a slight movement and was decreased a bit" -> "exhibited a slight decline"
Explanation: "Exhibited a slight decline" is more formal and precise than "showed a slight movement and was decreased a bit," which is vague and awkward.
"had least number of the changes of people travelling overseas" -> "experienced the least change in overseas travel"
Explanation: "Experienced the least change in overseas travel" is clearer and more concise than "had least number of the changes of people travelling overseas."
"which only more than it was in 1995 about 10 millions" -> "which was only about 10 million more than in 1995"
Explanation: This revision improves clarity and grammatical accuracy, making the comparison more straightforward.
"the last place in the table was Middle East with 15.8 millions in 1995" -> "the lowest rank in the table was the Middle East, with 15.8 million in 1995"
Explanation: "The lowest rank" is a more formal way to express the position, and "the Middle East" should include "the" for grammatical correctness. Additionally, "million" should be singular when referring to a specific number.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main features of the data, but it does not fully satisfy all the requirements of the task. The essay highlights the key features of the data, but it does not fully extend the information. For example, the essay states that "Europe stood the first place with a big number of modification in international tourism from 280.2 millions in 1990 to 400.2 in 2005," but it does not provide any further details about the changes in Europe.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more detailed information about the changes in each area. For example, the essay could state that "Europe saw the largest increase in international tourism, with the number of tourists increasing from 280.2 million in 1990 to 400.2 million in 2005." The essay could also provide more specific comparisons between the different areas. For example, the essay could state that "The number of tourists in Asia and the Pacific increased by more than double between 1990 and 2005, while the number of tourists in America decreased slightly."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While it attempts to summarize the data, the flow between ideas is not always clear, and some comparisons are not effectively articulated. The use of cohesive devices is inconsistent; phrases like "to be specific" and "following it" are used, but they do not always enhance the clarity of the relationships between ideas. Additionally, the paragraphing is present but lacks logical structure, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on creating clear topic sentences for each paragraph that summarize the main idea. Using a wider range of cohesive devices accurately will help connect ideas more fluidly. Furthermore, ensuring that all information is logically sequenced and that comparisons are explicitly stated will improve the overall clarity of the essay. Finally, reviewing the use of paragraphing to ensure that each paragraph addresses a single main idea will contribute to a more organized response.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to convey the main features of the data, the use of vocabulary is repetitive and lacks sophistication. There are noticeable errors in word choice, such as "witnessed significant increases" (which should be "witnessed a significant increase") and "the amount of people who had abroad travel" (which should be "the number of people who traveled abroad"). Additionally, there are errors in spelling and word formation, such as "continients" instead of "continents" and "the most changes" instead of "the most significant changes." These issues may cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the message.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to expand their vocabulary by incorporating a wider range of synonyms and more precise terms. Additionally, focusing on grammatical accuracy and avoiding repetitive phrases will improve clarity. Practicing the use of less common lexical items and ensuring correct collocation will also contribute to a higher score. Lastly, proofreading for spelling and word formation errors is essential to ensure effective communication.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily relying on simple sentences with occasional attempts at more complex forms. While there are some accurate structures, frequent grammatical errors, such as "was witnessed significant increases" and "the amount of people who had abroad travel," detract from clarity and coherence. Punctuation errors are also present, which can lead to confusion for the reader. Overall, while the essay conveys the main ideas, the grammatical inaccuracies hinder effective communication.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Variety of Sentence Structures: Incorporate a wider range of complex sentences and subordinate clauses to demonstrate flexibility in grammar.
Error Correction: Review and revise sentences for grammatical accuracy, ensuring subject-verb agreement and correct verb forms.
Punctuation: Pay attention to punctuation rules to avoid errors that may confuse the reader.
Practice: Regularly practice writing essays and seek feedback to identify and correct recurring grammatical mistakes.

Bài sửa mẫu

The chart illustrates the changes in international tourists across five regions from 1990 to 2005. Generally, the number of tourists experienced significant increases in all five continents. Specifically, the three regions that saw the most substantial changes were Europe, Asia and the Pacific, and America, which contributed the most to the overall growth in international tourism.

Europe held the first position with a notable increase in international tourism, rising from 280.2 million in 1990 to 400.2 million in 2005. Following closely was Asia and the Pacific, where the number of people traveling abroad in 2005 was nearly double that of 1990. Although America ranked third, it showed a slight decline, decreasing from 118.2 million to 113.2 million. Africa and the Middle East experienced the least change in the number of people traveling overseas. In 2005, Africa recorded 28.7 million tourists, which was only about 10 million more than in 1995. The Middle East had the lowest figure, with 15.8 million tourists in 1995.