The table illustrates the weekly level of consumption by age groups of milk and butter and milk and butter health AH in one European country.

The table indicates the weekly consumption of milk and butter across four different age groups in a European country.
From an overall perspective, it is evident that older individuals tend to consume more milk, particularly low-fat milk, whereas younger age groups consume less milk and butter.
In terms of milk consumption, it increases with age. Individuals over 65 years old account for the highest consumption at 1900 ml per week, consisting of 30% full-fat and 70% low-fat milk. The 45-65 age group and the 26-45 age group consume slightly less, with figures of 1670 ml (45% full-fat and 55% low-fat) and 1650 ml (20% full-fat and 80% low-fat), respectively. The youngest age group consumes the least milk at 1200 ml per week, comprising 59% full-fat and 41% low-fat milk.
Regarding butter consumption, older age brackets amount to highest consumption rates, with 60g and 30g for the two eldest age categories, respectively. Conversely, the younger age groups demonstrate the lowest levels at 12g per week, while the 26-45 age group consumes 19g. Younger individuals also prefer higher fat content, with 60% opting for full-fat butter, whereas older demographics show lower preferences for full-fat options, with around 38% for the 26-45 age group and approximately 50% for those over 45.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"From an overall perspective" -> "From a holistic perspective"
Explanation: Replacing "overall" with "holistic" maintains the idea of comprehensiveness while using a more sophisticated and precise term.
"In terms of milk consumption, it increases with age." -> "Regarding milk consumption, it correlates positively with age."
Explanation: Using "correlates positively" instead of "increases" introduces a more formal and precise way to express the relationship between milk consumption and age.
"amount to highest consumption rates" -> "exhibit the highest consumption rates"
Explanation: "Exhibit" is a more sophisticated term to describe demonstrating or showing, which aligns better with formal writing than "amount to."
"Conversely" -> "In contrast"
Explanation: "In contrast" provides a smoother transition between the discussion of butter consumption among different age groups, enhancing coherence and readability.
"demonstrate the lowest levels" -> "show the lowest levels"
Explanation: "Show" is a more precise and formal term in this context, aligning better with the tone of the essay compared to "demonstrate."
"opting for full-fat butter" -> "preferring full-fat butter"
Explanation: "Preferring" is a more concise and sophisticated term compared to "opting for," enhancing clarity and formality in the description of butter preferences.
"demographics" -> "population segments"
Explanation: "Population segments" is a more specific and formal term to refer to different age groups, adding precision and clarity to the discussion.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

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Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay effectively covers the requirements of the task by providing a clear overview of the main trends in milk and butter consumption across different age groups. It presents key features such as consumption amounts and preferences for milk and butter types. However, the response could be more fully developed, particularly in providing additional analysis or contextualization.
How to improve: To enhance the response and potentially achieve a higher band score, consider expanding on the implications of the observed trends, such as discussing possible reasons behind the age-based variations in consumption habits or comparing the data with national dietary guidelines. Additionally, ensure that all information provided is accurate and relevant to the task.]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, with clear progression throughout. It effectively uses a range of cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases, to connect sentences and paragraphs. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic, focusing on either milk consumption or butter consumption across different age groups. The essay flows smoothly from one point to the next, guiding the reader through the data presented in the table.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion further, consider using more varied transition words and phrases to create smoother connections between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, ensure that referencing and substitution are used consistently throughout the essay to avoid any repetition or confusion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow flexibility and precision in conveying information. It effectively utilizes vocabulary related to describing data, such as "indicates," "consumption," "age groups," "figures," and "brackets." Additionally, the essay employs a variety of lexical items to convey differences in consumption patterns across age groups, such as "account for," "comprising," and "demonstrate." There is also evidence of some awareness of style and collocation, as seen in phrases like "From an overall perspective" and "Regarding butter consumption." The use of less common vocabulary items, such as "brackets" instead of "age groups," contributes to the essay’s lexical richness.

How to improve:
To enhance lexical resource further and potentially reach a higher band score, the essay could incorporate more sophisticated vocabulary and expressions where appropriate. Additionally, attention to precision in word choice and collocation could help minimize occasional inaccuracies. For instance, instead of repetitive phrases like "older individuals" or "younger age groups," using synonyms or varied expressions could add depth to the essay. Moreover, ensuring consistency in terminology and avoiding minor errors in word choice or spelling would strengthen the lexical quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of complex structures, utilizing a mix of compound and complex sentences to convey information effectively. The sentences are generally error-free, with good control of grammar and punctuation. There is evidence of a wide range of structures used, particularly in describing the data and making comparisons between different age groups.

How to improve: To potentially reach a higher band score, aim for even greater flexibility and accuracy in sentence structures. Occasionally, there are minor errors and awkward phrasings that could be polished for smoother readability. Additionally, ensuring consistency in the level of complexity throughout the essay can further enhance coherence and cohesion.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided table illustrates the weekly consumption of milk and butter across four distinct age cohorts in a European nation.

Upon initial inspection, it is apparent that older age groups exhibit higher consumption levels of milk, particularly low-fat variants, while younger demographics consume lesser quantities of both milk and butter.

Concerning milk intake, it progressively escalates with age. Individuals aged 65 and above register the highest consumption at 1900 ml per week, comprising 30% full-fat and 70% low-fat milk. The age group spanning 45-65 years and the cohort between 26-45 years exhibit slightly lower figures, with respective consumption rates of 1670 ml (45% full-fat and 55% low-fat) and 1650 ml (20% full-fat and 80% low-fat). In contrast, the youngest age group demonstrates the lowest milk consumption at 1200 ml per week, with a composition of 59% full-fat and 41% low-fat milk.

Regarding butter consumption, the older age brackets exhibit the highest rates, with 60g and 30g for the two eldest age categories, respectively. Conversely, the younger age groups present the lowest consumption levels at 12g per week, while the 26-45 age group consumes 19g. Furthermore, younger individuals tend to prefer higher-fat content, with 60% opting for full-fat butter, whereas older demographics display lower preferences for full-fat options, with around 38% for the 26-45 age group and approximately 50% for those aged 45 and above.